'My Story' by iss~ Part I - the bright side

5 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Jun 30 - 8AM
iss
iss's picture

'My Story' by iss~ Part I - the bright side

We met at the University over a year ago, it was impossible not to spot him, he was very lively, full of energy- he had those magnetizing eyes, he could stare at you and never turn away his head. I thought what a kidness is in his features and those eyes...there was something amazing about them but I looked at him and thought it is rather not 'my type of a guy'. After a few weeks I though that he was such a Casanova- he would literally walk up to any girl flirt with her, hold her hand talk the words like "I am looking for a wife" I had only one sentence in my head "He would fu** with everything that is warm and moves" and didn't pay attention. After one exam I went to the Mall and was going up the stairs, suddenly heard " Woman wait!" I was more than sure that it was not addressed to me but I turned my head and there he was- standing and asking whether I would like to eat some lunch with him since all of his friends are at work. I though why not- it is always better to eat out with somebody so here it began...we spent such a nice afternoon- he was soooo different than at school- so witty, charming, soo good looking, intelligent, funny I though how people (me included) could think so badly about him. We exchanged our phone numbers and later I got an sms where he thanked me for lovely time, that he needed it. Later the same day we were talking on the messanger he wrote something weird at the beginning "...I have some scars on my soul" I wanted to cheer him up and replied that we all have some bad experiences (scars) we collect throughout life...We started talking more often, sometimes he was weird he would write the words like- "be careful with me- I am not like the others", he started sending me his poems (so sad and I didn't understand the true meaning of them at that time). Once he asked me to go with him by train to another city so I would find out more about him- I was a bit scared, I really thought at that time that he has some mantal problems cause from time to time he didn't act normal- he would lose his good mood in seconds and said- "sorry I just need to go into the empty room and calm down..." I didn't go with him. After some time he told me that he had some problem with law ( his friend embeded him in some issue- it was not his fault) and I though- ohhh now I understand his crazy behaviour he wanted to work for the Secret Service or some Agency and now since he is involved in some lawsuit his career in this field is impossible. I understood his frustration since all his studies and schools were connected with the Security- all those years of studying in vain...~I felt so sorry for him, cried the whole night beacuse of unjustice, wanted to help him. We became closer and closer he would write more frequently so lovely messages, I left my bf and went for it! It was wonderful he didn't give me 100% of himself he gave me 500%!! He was always there for me, called many times throughout the day to check how I was doing, he would bring me flowers, presents, people would look at us and say " I have never seen anybody so in love as you guys" he always smiled back and said that is just the begging we will spend the next 69 years together, they would take pictures of us. He seemed so happy, his face was so lighted up! He was writing me letters and then hid them in my books on the shelf, some of them had dates written on- so I could open them only where the right date came, once he collected the petals wrote my name with them and gave it to me. All those dinners, sitting in the park, he wanted to have me close, almost always having me on his lap, he would smell my hair for 10 minutes when he came to me, showed up at 6AM and went back home after the midnight. When I had my period he was holding the hot water bottle on my belly. Called me those little names we only shared...Helped me with everything, worried even about my headache, he started calling me mommy- since he wanted to have a baby with me ( I am 25 and I have never thought about having a baby yet but with such a guy- why not!) - "nothing better will never happen to us than the sweet baby straight from your belly". When I went away for 3 weeks he would talk with me on skype and look so sad- saying that he understands that I want to spend some time with my family but he is there waiting for me and nothing makes him happy, he misses me terribly and didn't want me to ever go away again! He was writing me letters than now he found his girl and he wants to change for her, he wants to go through that Hell with me, he will fight, he wants to be a better man every day! He also wrote that I "have filled in that empty space that has been inside him since he remembers" he said to all of his friends that we will marry maybe in 2 years- that I am the one he wants to have kids with me. He was so into me, would love to make love all the time. For me there was something so weird about all that love- it felt like the obsession- the rest didn't exist for him, it was something strange about it but I though OK he is in love I guess he finally met his soulmate and he has right to act like that...the most beautiful moments in my life has begun and lasted...the coming months were great but that amazing feeling started fading away...something was wrong although everything seemed to be fine- it cannot be just like at the beginning right? But can sauch a great feeling fade away after a few months...? Back than I didn't know what it is all about...but I was surely to find out...

Jul 1 - 6PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Well I dont think there is

Well I dont think there is any doubt on this one that he is a narcissist. Sounds a bit similiar to my story we met in college. only mine drug on for 5 years of pure hell with a few good times just to keep things interesting. Back in the beginning of the 90 s there was no internet to consult about these symptoms. He told me it was all my fault we werent working so I believed that it must be true. It finally ends I get married and I go about my happy life. Now enter Facebook some 15 years later and how he made a mistake that he always loved me ba blah blah blah. I mean really Narc? did you really have to recycle me 15 years later?? Did ya really? MOFO! Atleast you know what it is now and that you are not to blame. All these years I have carried around that I just wasnt good enough for him though everyone else though I was in fact too good for him. Im glad you wont have those feelings to drag around with you.
Jun 30 - 3PM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

RUN!

What occurred here is a process of "idealization." he "idealized" you. It had very little to do with who & what you are. And then he became disillusioned because these men are always disillusioned. You did nothing wrong. You could not have made his good behavior & idealization of you last. These eyes of his are one give away. Often psychopaths have a hypnotic stare. Also, the quick, intense, but really superficial relationships. Being with such a person is amazing because they throw everything into it, say anything, they have NO BOUNDRIES so the victim feels connected. But there is nothing there in these guys. And if you accept or rejuect them--they care less. they are not invested or cautious. It means nothing to them. Sounds like you & this one may have had a connection of some sort because he lasted a year. But, you never know. he live with you one weekends. Maybe he was living with another woman -- or several in rotation -- during the week. What was he getting out of this year? Financial support? A place to stay? Get away from this man. He is very, very creepy. From such romantic beginnings, but his not interested in sex, to the horrible things he said about himself, and the silent treatment, & the cold, blank looks -- this man is very, very twisted.
Jul 1 - 4AM (Reply to #2)
iss
iss's picture

Thx

Thank you for reading my story- I know it was long...but I had so many feelings inside when I was writing it. Yes, you are right his eyes were soooo 'hard to describe' he would never turn back his head- and as you said he had no boundaries- was sooo confident. He used to claim that he would love to be naked around me, that he is glad that he can be 100% himself when we spend time together.He said so many weird things- the girls at the University were crazy about him- but after some time they just ceased even saying Hi to him. Everyone talked about him- people either loved or hated him! But his behaviour has always been WEIRD. Now he is laughing at me trying to make me the one who is crazy! I have some anger inside cause I know the truth- he tricks people because he can act perfectly normal but I remember all those sick words I wrote them down so to know that they existed ( sometimes he claims that he has never said anything like that)! We didnt live together because each of us live with parents. We rented some room only for the weekends when we went to the University. The sick thing was also when I gave him presents- he was sooo sad, he would become silent and say- "I don't like getting presents, I need to give not receive"... yeah you are right that story is sooo creepy. If you ask me what he got? He got love, attention, admiration, yes some kind of financial support although he didn't ask for it. In a nuthsell - he was alive thanks to me- I allowed him to forget about that emptiness he also once said- thanks to you I am not a walking death- I am alive...It is strange how you look at his pictures when he was in a stage of idealization his eyes were smiling now his face is like a mask...
Jul 1 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Pictures

Interesting your observation of the photographs. I had a similar experience. i was cleaning out a hard drive recently. I uncovered all the photographs i had of me & N from the beginning. And he looked different. I did not see the MONSTER whom I was seeing in the last year of my 3 years with the man. I can only imagine that when they put on that mask of sanity -- that mask to con & seduce -- they are character actors. They whole-heartedly embrace the role. or at least when somebody is looking. Somebody told me that she was meeting my N for a movie. She was a little bit late. (N hates to wait & is therefore always a bit late himself.) She told me that she saw him at a distance & she became frightened. He seemed so "cold" & "hard." I had just disappeared when i left him, nobody knew where I went. But later when she & I met, & I told her he was abusive, she said she believed me immediately because of what she saw in front of the theater. But the minute he saw her, she said that cold, hard & seething apparition just disappeared. he needed her still for sympathy & comfort in the wake of my leaving so he could not vent on her for being late & making him wait. But she was very scared & felt uncomfortable sitting next to him (she told me).