My story FightingIrish

I met him just over a year ago through my work. I work in a people- helping profession and in particular with the terminally ill. It is not uncommon for me to have personal conversations with people in regards to their lives and their loved ones. I mention this because I think in a way my work may have contributed to my vulnerability. I can see now that I allowed boundaries to be overstepped because i wanted to be compassionate, understanding and non-judgemental. I didn't particularly care for him much at first but we did become friends. He told me he was separated from his wife for about four years though not legally. They live in their own homes in separate towns and he told me this is because they are good friends and the separation is amicable. They have two teen daughters that he would go over to the house to visit with and he attends church every Sunday with them. We became involved but I found out in late summer he was actually going to marriage counseling and marriage reconciliation classes at church with his amicably separated from wife! He explained that the marriage was over but he needed to do this to make God happy because God doesn't believe in divorce. He didn't tell me about this because he knew he just needed to finish this before pursuing divorce... I know, which part of that didn't scream RUN!? By this time I think I'm in love with him, so what if he's not perfect and a little bit of a hot mess? Move on to a Friday in October, he has been crazy with the love bombing and can't wait for me to come over after work. He's making me a beautiful dinner and can't wait to get his hands on me, I'm the greatest woman on earth. The night is lovely. We chat a little on Saturday but nothing on Sunday. I know this is the day he goes to church and spends the day with the girls, but I miss him. On Monday I don't hear from him all day so I decide to drive by his house. There's a car I don't recognize in the driveway and my gut says check this out. I've never been a stalker type but something feels strange. I look through the patio doors and the music is playing on the surround sound, candles lit, drinks on the counter and a woman's shoes and purse right where mine were three night earlier! I know the drill and understand that at this point he has her upstairs. Yes, I let myself in and broke up his party. I was hurt and confused and angry. I just didn't understand. I yell enough to let her know she isn't the only one he's been seeing and leave. He follows me out of the house panicked because he wants to know what I'm going to do to him. The look in his eyes was scarey and I suddenly didn't recognize this man. I was shocked that between me, the woman still upstairs in his bedroom and the wife at her house.....the only person he was concerned about was him! I didn't understand what I was dealing with. I called his wife the next day. I told her who I was and what had happened. She didn't even react much. She said she couldn't talk now, she was at work and hung up. I spent days sick to my stomach, confused, heartbroken and mad as hell. There were various text messages exchanged in those days, some so bizarre. He tried to tell me some outrageous story about how he accidentally ended up in bed with the other woman, lol. Then he blamed everything on me and told me I was doing the same things as him? What? After a few days I sent his wife a text telling her I was sorry that I believed his lies and didn't mean to hurt her. I wanted her to be aware that he was sleeping with multiple other people if she wasn't aware because she thought they were in marriage counseling and getting back together, not just making god happy. Her response was to forward the text to him and he texted me back telling me to stop harassing them. Ugh. I could understand her not seeing me as a friend, but wanting the idiot who caused it all to save you from me seemed ridiculous. When I asked him why he was with me on Friday and in bed with the OW on Monday, he replied like he did nothing wrong and said " well you were done on Saturday". I have such a hard time knowing that he did what he did to me knowing he was discarding me the next day. I can't wrap my head around this.-----after about a week of crying and losing my mind I did a simple google search for "why men cheat with multiple women". This brought up all the NPD info that led me to this site. It was like someone turned the light on. I've been reading daily for two months. I've read multiple books including Lisa's. I'm so happy to have some sense made out of this, but it still hurts so much. A couple weeks after finding this site, I was curious to know if he really is NPD. Honestly, every time a patient tells me they diagnosed themselves from the internet I find they're often full of misinformation. I started doubting he could really be. I took him off of being blocked on my phone. I wanted to see if he would try to contact me and do some of the things I learned about. And to be honest, I didn't like being discarded like a used Kleenex. I wanted him to try to get me back so I could reject him and end on my terms. I know that's ridiculous because he doesn't care but I cared. Sure enough he contacted me as if nothing ever happened! Wanted to meet for coffee because he was missing his best friend! The timing was actually perfect because I was at my office with an hour to kill before my therapy appointment. Yes, I immediately started psychotherapy for the first time in my life because I just couldn't figure things out and cope. So I agreed to coffee at a coffee shop in public. I wanted him to face me and not hide behind text messaging. I sat and listened to him try to pull every tactic this site said he would! I felt so empowered and was able to remain calm and not give him the reactions he wanted. After about 45 minutes of getting nowhere he decided to "break up" with me I guess because he said we could never be friends again because he knew what I thought of him. So I asked, "what do YOU think that I think?" And he says "you think I'm a narcissist"! Oh Lordy. He then gets a little paranoid/delusional telling me he's afraid of me because I keep doing things to him? I don't know what he thinks I was doing nor did I really care but when I ask why he's afraid of me he just wants to know if I'm going to call his wife again. I tell him I have no reason to bother and we say goodbye. He has been blocked again since and it's been almost three weeks. I'm not sure if he really is afraid of me or afraid I will expose him further or if that was just another manipulation tactic? Because I think he might have wanted me to call his wife again to help him prove that I'm still crazy and vindictive and he's a victim of me? I don't know. But I am still crazy upset over one thing and that is that his wife still has him over to go to church every Sunday with her and the girls. What in the hell is up with that? I get that he is disordered and hopeless but I feel like she is complicit in my pain and in the pain caused to the other woman I found him with because she helps him appear normal and like a wonderful Christian man. I'm more angry at her than him! It makes me sick to think of them putting on their show in a house of worship every week! I really want to stop thinking about this loser who will never have a passing thought for me. When will this end?