My sarcastic list of what he has given me or not given me. Feel free to add what yours has given or not give you.

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Sep 29 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
TraumaMama
TraumaMama's picture

Are these guys all the same or what?

Mine gave me..... 1. Therapy bills 2. No sleep for over 6 months due to nightmares/anxiety 3. Antidepressants for the first time in my life 4. Praying every day for the strength to get out of bed 5. PTSD/anxiety attacks/depression 6. Loss of friends/reputation 7. Massive credit card debt 8. Potential loss of my kids 9. Hours and hours of obsessing over how another human being can be so cruel/unfaithful/abusive 10.OCD over trying to figure out all the gaslighting, projecting, Dr.Jekyll/Mr.Hyde and Don Juan Behavior. 11.Hours of thinking about walking on eggshells nonstop. 12.Loss of self-esteem and confidence due to being devalued 13.Tension headaches 14.Loss of hair over all of the stress 15.Fear of ALL men and loss of trust of EVERYONE 16.Gain of 10 pounds of pure fat due to not having enough energy to workout. 17.A reason to practice yoga, mindfulness, meditation, journaling to clear my head of all the obsessing. 18. A large bill to Barnes and Noble (all the books about Borderline and NPD)....I lived it and he is textbook narc. Whew! He did, however, buy me a bottle of perfume one time and a card and flowers ONCE....How generous? These dudes really know how to destroy anyone they come into contact with. I feel like I now need to go take a shower to get all the toxic waste from him off of me. Goodnight, gals! I wish you peace and forgiveness and freedom from these sick, sick, sick men who prey on wonderful people.
Sep 29 - 11PM (Reply to #3)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

traumamam

our lists are very similar 1. Therapy bills, YES > $5K 2. No sleep for over 6 months due to nightmares/anxiety. YES. 3. Antidepressants for the first time in my life. YES. me too and they made me truly crazy 4. Praying every day for the strength to get out of bed. YES 5. PTSD/anxiety attacks/depression. YES. panic attacks at work work too. 6. Loss of friends/reputation... probably - mostly behind my back. 7. Massive credit card debt. YES. > $10K in medical bills. 8. Potential loss of my kids... thankfully not. 9. Hours and hours of obsessing over how another human being can be so cruel/unfaithful/abusive.. Yes. I figure 2,000 hours+ trying to figure out what the hell hit me. 10.OCD over trying to figure out all the gaslighting, projecting, Dr.Jekyll/Mr.Hyde and Don Juan Behavior. AMEN 11.Hours of thinking about walking on eggshells nonstop. YES. analyzing situations before they happen so as not to blow up. 12.Loss of self-esteem and confidence due to being devalued. YES, thinking I was wrong about myself in every way 13.Tension headaches. YES 14.Loss of hair over all of the stress. YES! I would lose GOBS of hair. 15.Fear of ALL men and loss of trust of EVERYONE. Thankfully not yet. 16.Gain of 10 pounds of pure fat due to not having enough energy to workout. YES! 10 pounds of belly fat. 17.A reason to practice yoga, mindfulness, meditation, journaling to clear my head of all the obsessing. YES! 18. A large bill to Barnes and Noble (all the books about Borderline and NPD)....I lived it and he is textbook narc. YEP - I think 10 different books and they all seem like the story of my life I could only think of one additional one...my expereicne was identical to yours! 19. Unable to love anyone else for 23 years...not even my husband...and for what? :( Isn't it totally unreal how they are all alike and how it impacts us in very similar ways and robs YEARS and YEARS of our life!
Sep 30 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
Used
Used's picture

agreed

yes to nearly every horrible thing listed on this board, exnh he gave me the desire to die everyday...... then he gave me the greasted gift of all... MY FREEDOM...... b/c he is known as such a nice "guy" to outsiders... when i told him i wanted him gone.... he said 5 years ago..THIS WOULD HAVE ENDED IN VIOLENCE... but i will let you go b/c you are ill... i had anorexia.... i was 5stone by then.... but the deal he wanted was that i just tell people "we grew apart" thats cos he didnt want people to know the truth about what he was... i agreed.... so he went quietly....... i didnt stick to my end of the bargain... I TOLD EVERYONE WHAT A F>>KING SCUMBAG HE WAS AND STILL IS AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO . funny thing is so many people believe me... which makes me think, did they know already?.
Sep 30 - 8AM (Reply to #5)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

used

Good for you for telling everyone what a dirt bag he is! I am quiet right now but I know I will find my voice soon. 8-)
Sep 30 - 9AM (Reply to #6)
Used
Used's picture

happy1

your day will come... b/c i didnt do it right away.. he wanted to remain friends and i thought this was so good of him...and i am not beign sarcastic.... cos he still said things like, my family and friendslol.. think i am too good to you remaining friends with you, after the way you treated me...yes i was still falling for the projection... until a few years ago when i relized i was still beign controlled... he still had keys to my home even, and here,s the irony had i not met the narcmf, i would still be seeing exh....it was the narc who began saying he is controlling you, having a key..phoneing you at specific times on landline to make sure i was at home,,,the list is endless, but i began to see the light...once i did i got rid of both of them,,,and this is how unimportant my exh is to me..IT WAS A YEAR YESTERDAY SINCE I WENT NC.... i didnt even remember until today... you like me will get your voice,,only you know when you are ready.....good luck..
Sep 30 - 9AM (Reply to #7)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

used

I don't know that I even want a voice right now. I just want it all to go away. I want him to go away. I want the thought of him to go away. I don't want to put so much energy and anger and hurt into this as I have. I know it's hard to be NC but I know I couldn't be friends like you were. I don't want anything from him. Everything he says and does is all LIES!! He lives a freaken LIE! I'm so sick of being a part of a fake lie and tired him laughing behind my back thinking he is getting away with all the cheating etc. I hate his guts!
Sep 30 - 9AM (Reply to #8)
Used
Used's picture

happy1

i think you have misunderstood... when i finished with my nexh... iwas still blaming my self for the breakdown of the marriage... i thought he was beign a good egg, letting me go... thats why i agrred to be friends cos i thought even tho it was me calling it a day he still wants to be friends....this is 14years ago, i had never heard of narcsissim or word salad or projection... i learned all these things on this board in the last couple of years.... thats when i fell in it wasent me it was him...and thats when i got rid of him... i will be gratful to LISA< BETTY AND THIS BOARD UNTIL MY DYING DAY.... they are the one,s who woke me up...i am not proud of wasting the years i wasent married to him, still beign freinds for our kids sake he said....our kids dont give a shit about him they are glad i am out of it....see i believed him again about doing for kids... maybe i didnt explain my self propley... i had 31 years of shit with this arsehole, why would i would have i wanted to be friends if i had relized it was him...I THOUGHT IT WAS ME CAUSING IT.
Sep 30 - 10AM (Reply to #9)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

used

I must have worded it wrong. i understood what you meant and I'm glad we have all found this site. I don't know where I would be right now myself. I have gone back to my N once since I found this site because he declared love for me after 2 years of me longing for it and that drew me back. It's hard to still understand what they are what they are capable of. I feel for you and all that you have had to endure for so many years. It sucks that we think it's us and in reality it's them. I have thought myself crazy and a child so many times because that's what he calls me all the time. It's a hard day for me! Hugs to you used! You're great!
Sep 30 - 10AM (Reply to #10)
Used
Used's picture

happy1

thanks for that... having a bad day anyhow b/c when i was out i bumped into myexhs exbil.... i hadnt seen him for years ,he knew we were apart ....but i always thought he realy liked my exh... well if he did you wouldnt know by todays conversation...he said, he[my ex] was a bad inflence on me when we went drinking.... i thought WTF does that mean... but i laughed it off.... cos i dont want to know anymore....i dont know if you have read my story... its the potted version realy.. it would be too long to write.. so i put it in posts as well... and as for exh... he would say to me... let daddy put your hat and gloves on for you...come and give daddy a kiss.... I THOUGHT THIS WAS NORMAL I THOUGHT ALL MARRIED COUPLES DONE THIS..........YUK YUK YUK.... HUGS TO YOU TOO,I WAS 16 WHEN I MARRIED HIM>>>>WHAT DID I KNOW?
Sep 30 - 10AM (Reply to #11)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

used

I read your story and I'm so sorry for the many years you had to deal with such a sick sick man. You are so much better without him! Hugs to you today! Hugs to all of us today who are having a very crappy day! 8-)
Sep 30 - 10AM (Reply to #12)
Used
Used's picture

happy1

love and hugs to you and the board and lisa and betty and santa and the tooth fairy and all good people everywhere....
Sep 30 - 10AM (Reply to #13)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

used

Thanks for making me smile! 8-)
Oct 1 - 10PM (Reply to #14)
itreallyisabouthim
itreallyisabouthim's picture

Ohhh...the list is so long.

Ohhh...the list is so long. Here's one of my favorites, though. Mine gave me a Canon camera! It was a top of the line...last year. He actually gave me his old one from the previous year and got himself the new year's model. Put mine in the new model's box thinking I wouldn't notice. This was for Christmas. His one gift to me. This is the Christmas that I gave him a (new!) iPod... and a beautiful baby girl.