My Narcissist has a Major RAGE Problem!
My Narcissist has a Major RAGE Problem!
I just found this forum yesterday and just lurked looking for a topic on abusive, ragefull or violent Narcs.
I have such a long story, so I will be as brief as possible. I've been married to Meanie for 10 years as of last March. It is my second marriage, his first. He had many girlfriends prior to me, but never lived with them full time, just weekends.
I knew he had a temper, but never had it directed at me till my 30th birthday and 3 years of marriage. He took me out where I wanted to go and when we got home I was tired and looking to go right to bed. He demanded payment for doing what I wanted to do on my birthday. I was indignant that he wanted "paid". That's what started the fight and it escalated to the point that he actually flipped me off and screamed what normally goes with the gesture. He meant it too.
That was when everything changed. I was knocked off my pedistal that night and never treated the same afterwards. All down hill from that point.
He's a classic narc. all the normal control issues and passive aggressive tendancies. I think he is possibly bi-polar as well since his moods cycle rapidly. Things got even worse when he got a job as a Supervisor 6 years ago. Everything changes when he got that power.
Anyway about 2 1/2 years ago he started raising his arm or fist in a threatening gesture and the look on his face was teetering on the edge of doing something violent. I sat with bated breath just waiting for it. He backed down on three different occations in a 1 1/2 year period. He would go off on the smallest of infractions.
Once, for example he was throwing the dog toy and I got up to fix the throw rug because the dog had slid across the room on it and I told him not to throw the toy. He whipped it at me when I bent down and it hurt so I was mad because I'd told him to wait to throw it and he threw it AT ME! When I got mad at him and called him out on what he'd done he threw the toy down hard and this time it bounced off the floor onto the coffee table and knocked over a glass candle holder that had a tall stem. When it fell on the floor it broke the stem off. I was mad that his little tempter tantrum now broke something so I said, "Now look what you've done." in a stern tone. He got up grabbed the broken glass candle holder in his fist and stood over me with it in his upraised (trembling) hand ready to smash it into my face. His face was deep red and the veins on his temples where trobbing.
Another time about 6 months later he came home from work and I heard him drop his lunch pail and truck keys on the counter. Right away he started yelling about me not putting away his dishes from the dish washer. It's his chore, I do the laundry as the trade off. I was tired of this same old complaint and just yelled back, "Why don't you just shut up and do your chore?" I heard him grab his car keys and he came running into the living room and had them clenched in his fist with keys protruding from his fisted knuckles like they were a weapon. Again he stood over me ready to strike. I had a bit of guts I guess because when he dropped his hand down and started to turn away I asked why he didn't just hit me. He said because I'd kill you and I'd have to go to prision.
Moving forward to 5 months ago and 1 week. It was January 19th of this year. We went out with some friends and had a few drinks when we got home he wanted play time, but he was being so ruff, it wasn't right and I freaked out and threw him off me and ran into the bathroom. He followed me and started screaming ugly things at me. I went to slap him and he grabbed me by the throat and started to strangle me while both his thumbs dug into the hollow of my throat cutting off my ability to yell. He had me bent over backwards at an impossible angle and was shaking me and screaming into my face I f-ing hate you, you stupid f-ing b1tch! Then he threw me backwards onto the bathroom tile floor where landed on my tail bone. I couldn't sit right for a week and there where two golf ball black and blue bruises on my butt.
I went into hysterics after that. I wanted to leave then, but I wasn't working and had been laid off with no call back date.
Things were actually good, honey moon period I guess for the last 5 months. No name calling, belittling, picking fights, or bad moods.
Then just this last Friday night, this happened. Earlier in the week I’d made plans with a friend to go to B-dubs after work with her. I told Meanie and he planned to join us after he went home and changed. My boss let me off work early so I was able to go home and take a bath and get ready. I looked really cute. I had gotten a new Michael Kors chocolate brown halter-top. The type that has the metal ring in the middle and then has the string going through that and ties around the neck that way, so no cleavage. I wore a pair of white cargo Capri jeans and my Coach wedge sandals that have dark brown straps. The sandals have metallic gold in the fabric and it looked real cute with my plastic beaded brown and gold earrings and matching bracelet. Plus my dark brown purse looked really good with my outfit. I was actually thinking to wear this outfit to the Nofzinger reunion.
When Meanie arrived at B-dubs he was in a good mood and we all were having fun. Then we went to another hangout and then home about 8pm. All was fine until we walked in the door. I’d no sooner plugged my cell phone in to charger than Meanie went off on me about my stripper shoes. They were Coach!! At first I just told him to knock it off and then after I removed my earrings and he grabbed one and ripped it apart and threw it across the kitchen floor. By the look on his face I could tell things were going to go bad (he had that same look on his face the night he strangled me) so I picked up my purse so that I had my car keys. He thought I had something in the purse to hide and that I was going to go meet some guy. He flipped out and started yelling at me and making accusations.
I got mad and started yelling back at him and that’s when he grabbed me by the neck and threw me into the butcher-block table. What happened next was a blur, but in the next few minutes he grabbed me by the neck two more times and ran me into the kitchen counter. By then I was screaming back and so mad and freaked out, I didn’t even care what I was saying. He’d screamed that he hated me and called me a stupid Fing B-tch and said he wished I were dead, (Just like last time). I was screaming back at him when he was getting a dinner plate out of the cupboard. He actually took that plate and shoved it into my neck and see-sawed it hard into the side of my neck, like he wished it was a knife, and he had his other hand on the other side of my neck holding me in place.
I had had enough by then and shoved him off me said I was going to call the cops. He stopped touching me then and stood with his arms crossed and said that I’d shoved him so I’d be in trouble too. I wasn’t too sure how much fabricating he would do so I didn’t call the cops. He was so calm by then, no longer wild with rage. But I screamed at him and told him he ought to just kill me and get it over with if he hated me so much. I also told him that everyone knew what all he’d done to me and that I was going to tell them about this too.
The next morning I discovered a huge bruise on my back, marks on my neck, a broken fingernail and a pair of broken earrings. My back still hurts and is sore.
Amazingly the next morning he acted like nothing had happened. He actually came upstairs and got in bed with me and asked if I wanted to go out for breakfast. He says he doesn’t remember doing anything, but its funny the first thing he did ask me about was me telling everyone everything. I think he’s lying about not remembering because he went and got me Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner like I wanted and then later went and got me a blizzard from DQ without asking me. He never does that. Then of course he makes the comment, “See Chad’s not such a bad guy.â€
I'm back to work now and I'm making plans to leave. I've had enough and this is just escalating and getting worse. I believe in his fit of rage he sees only red and will eventually do something bad.
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