My Narc never really laughed...anyone else on this phenomenon??

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#1 May 2 - 12PM
Arwen
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My Narc never really laughed...anyone else on this phenomenon??

My narc kind of snickered at things or made a kind of charicature of a laugh actually making the sounds, "ha ha ha", but not actually laughing if you know what I mean. Could not express like deep, belly laugh, or even a small one. Everything was very serious. The only time I saw him laugh even a little bit hard was at his own story.

May 15 - 6PM
Kiwi2005
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No Empathy must = No Sense of Humor

So interesting... I am a very funny person and I love laughing but thats one thing I couldn't stand about ExN. He RARELY made me laugh and when he did laugh it just sounded fake- I just thought he didn't have a sense of humor, but apparently its part of their psychological issue of NPD... so sad isn't it? "The most wasted of all days is one without laughter" ~e.e. cummings I was always told I didn't have a sense of humor and that I needed to losen up a bit (Translation: I have no feelings and I don't know how to laugh, be happy, or anything so I'll just make you feel like the crazy one)... should we add that to NarcSpeak?
May 15 - 5PM
Susan32
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He'd call me humorless

The ex-Psych prof thought my grief over losing my grandfather was incredibly funny. He'd mock me IN CLASS because I was going to therapy. He'd say that I was going to "manage my feelings." When I said I was hurt, he'd accuse me of being humorless&turning the class against him. His humor was quite cruel, and usually at the expense of others. Yet he couldn't bear being mocked. The senior skit customarily mocks the professors. He'd say that he'd boycott the skit if it started mocking him. Well, after the final D&D, he got mocked FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME, like a virgin. He said he couldn't mock himself, because he took himself seriously. I said I'd do it for him. Don't worry, I have! When I say I'll do something, I'll do it!!! I am a woman of my word. He's worthless... but as an OBJECT of ridicule, he works as well as my microwave. And I'm not replacing my microwave anytime soon.
May 3 - 4AM
agnesmurphy17
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nope

Mine did not have a genuine laugh. Mine used humor to also put me down. he would say, "You don't think my jokes are funny." And I would think, "Do you make jokes?" Also, I thought. "You don't think I'm funny & other people think I am a laugh a minute when I get going." Mine was a recent immigrant to the States. So, in the spirit of compromise, I said "Well, maybe I do not understand your humor. Humor is so cultural." Not good enough for my N. You see. Everything was to 'put down' & manipulate. Gee. If you do not think my joke funny, I don't put you down & complain that you don't think my joke funny. I either rethink my humor, or even feel bad that I was not funny. Only an N can turn his own failing into the victim's problem, fault, & shortcoming. And for 2 1/2 years I was dragooned into placating this man with his sick & twisted thinking. Taking him seriously. Trying to make sense out of nonesense. By the time I left, I was a wreck.
May 3 - 12AM
Kitty02 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Both mine laughed but very

Both mine laughed but very loud and very falsely....look at me I'm laughing type laughs! Also always found others misery quite funny but then you would get a smirk rather then a smile or laugh.
May 3 - 12AM (Reply to #26)
Arwen
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Yeah...my x n thought that

Yeah...my x n thought that blowing cigarette smoke into the face of a tiny chihuaha was immensely funny.
May 2 - 8PM
Deidre40
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He typically laughed at the

He typically laughed at the expense of others. I could make him laugh. But, he'd catch himself. It was odd. Like even laughing, made him feel out of control. How strange that our ex narcs have so many parallels...astounding! He liked being angry best!
May 2 - 4PM
Susan32
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Why so serious? Why so serious?

The ex-Psych prof was incredibly humorless... and what he considered funny was usually (a) stupid or (b)downright cruel. He laughed and sneered at me when I was mourning my grandfather... according to his male followers, my sadness was like a cartoon to him... yet he REFUSED to mock himself because, in his words, "I take myself seriously." He'd say that if I married him, he'd be like Leo Tolstoy, humorless&muttering Bible verses. Leo Tolstoy is known for his cruel&sarcastic humor in "War and Peace"--the ex-P's favorite book. The ex-P said he wouldn't make fun of himself. I said I'd make fun of him if he wouldn't do it.. I'd step up to the plate... I DID. He'd say he'd boycott the senior skit (that ridicules the professors) once it started mocking him. I popped his cherry on that one. If I laughed or giggled in his presence, he'd accuse me of trying to mock him, or try to abruptly end the conversation. He'd say that I was laughing&being giggly because I was uncomfortable around him. He'd say that people ridiculed him to "defend themselves from him." He was REALLY paranoid about people mocking him. I guess I didn't help.
May 2 - 3PM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Mine just never laughed

Mine just never laughed period. Nothing was ever funny. I can't even tell you I have ever heard him laugh. Certainly not one of those great belly laughs that we get. Nope! NADA!
May 2 - 3PM (Reply to #21)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Happy

And you miss him y? Hunter
May 2 - 3PM (Reply to #22)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

He made a great statue

He made a great statue impression and could sit still without responding to a word for a long time. I think he has a future in miming.
May 2 - 2PM
Veronrose
Veronrose's picture

Mine too had the Ha-Ha-Ha

Mine too had the Ha-Ha-Ha thing, but he did laugh all the time. He was VERY charismatic and he loved to be the center of attention. People, including me, loved being in his presence.
May 2 - 2PM
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

making fun

You could tease him and make fun of him and he would passively take it and not say a mean word back. His old teammates teased him alot and he would just smile. i think he was kind of really like a damaged passive kid in this respect.How many big tough guys just lie down and take it with a smile? sweet but weird - or maybe part of his non-verbal narcdom... REally I think he was not mean spirited but after years with me, he did get bossy and mean and haughty like a big brother...I know we had a crazy relationship...he was passive aggressive... I loved to hear him laugh - he could laugh big. he would have made a better boy than a man...
May 2 - 1PM
Alibi_10
Alibi_10's picture

Laughing ha ha !!

PG - How odd, mine did the ha ha ha thing as well, but only really laughed (a) at me, particularly if he thought I had done something stupid. I could hear him snickering and see him smirking. When I used to get upset at his rages, he used to laugh and mimic me; (b) when he thought he had said something very funny - that was the belly laugh thing. I truly believe his sense of humour was off kilter, and a lot of the time he was very serious - but mainly about how he looked, the image he projected - how intelligent, good looking, fit, athletic, knowledgeable, amusing he was. When I laughed, he said I was too flippant, when I was serious, he said I was emotional and moody. Aaaaaaargh !!
May 3 - 12AM (Reply to #16)
Arwen
Arwen's picture

Alibi

So interesting how many of these narcs did the ha ha ha thing. They just can't feel joy or express it.
May 15 - 6PM (Reply to #17)
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

Har Har

They probably just don't know when and where to laugh... They just know what sound should come out of their mouth... Remember they ARE NOT normal, therefore, they don't know who, what, when, where or how to laugh ;)
May 2 - 1PM
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

Mine laughed

My N was funny and liked to laugh. Yet, he also had a serious, dark mysterious side. He would sometimes make jokes about me though in front of others that didn't paint me in a good light, like I was ditsy. He would call me an idiot in private. Also, he would watch comedy and comedy-singers, and he mostly liked the sexual humor, especially derogatory of women. He also wrote funny sexual songs about three-ways, oral sex, etc.
May 2 - 12PM
Daisyd
Daisyd's picture

laughter

My NP was good at laughing....but had a very "learned" sense of humor. He used to say his wife didn't understand humor and had to ask him what was funny....I think he just had the story wrong!
May 2 - 12PM
neverlookback
neverlookback's picture

mine laughed

all the time, AT ME, never with me
May 2 - 6PM (Reply to #12)
Sanity Check
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Know what you mean

Always made jokes at my expense....then said "I kid, because I love" Gag....
May 2 - 12PM
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

laugh and humor

Mine laughed mostly with everyone else but me. He laughed with me when he was high. But often seemed unhappy when we were together. He watched alot of comedy shows but rarely laughed at the jokes. i read that N's do not get jokes and humor because they do not have the empathy needed to understand the nuances of human behavior and feelings - which is often what makes the joke funny....
May 3 - 12AM (Reply to #10)
Arwen
Arwen's picture

Yeah mine was pretty stupid when it came to getting something

that is an important fact to know IFGI...that they lack the empathy to understand nuance of behavior. So weird.
May 2 - 1PM (Reply to #8)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

laughing

He would laugh once in awhile, usually making fun of someone, but occasionally himself. He would also laugh at things I said that were very witty; he appreciated wit,e ven when it was used against him. But NO ONE but me made fun of him. I noticed this really early on: that none of his friends made fun of him, took jabs at him, etc. No one even said, "What's SHE doing with YOU? Ha ha"--you know? Nothing like that at all. It was as if it was an unspoken rule that no one made fun of him. Very weird. Very frustrating was the fact that he did not like funny movies or comedy of any kind. I would show him hilarious movies like "Kelly's Heroes," "The Odd Couple," "Napolean Dynamite" and "School of Rock" and he would sit, dead-faced and say, "This is stupid." The only thing he likes was "Two and a Half Men"--I think because he identified with the situation: him and his brother raising the foster kid alone, with all of his women on the side. I don't even know if he knew it was comedy. He probably just liked it because it was familiar. Gee, you know what? I would have given anything to really hear him laugh and be happy. :(
May 3 - 12AM (Reply to #9)
Arwen
Arwen's picture

helldweller I also longed for

helldweller I also longed for mine to laugh and loosen up his tight rein of control, among which things that were controlled, was laughter and just real human expression.
May 2 - 12PM
dudette
dudette's picture

Laughing

my N's exw said that as soon as she heard the key in the door, the whole house went silent, even kids and guests. The N was so miserable that he could not even tolerate for anyone else to laugh.....
May 2 - 12PM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

patiencegoal

My narc laughed a little,once in 15 years, sort of a chuckle,and smiled twice in 15 years, not joking, and it is sad because when he smiled, he had a nice one, I had asked him to smile by the way,such sad and pathetic creatures.
May 2 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
Arwen
Arwen's picture

wow owml

so great to see I am not alone with this. SO controlling, huh?
May 2 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
onwithmylife
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patiencegoal

I do not think it has to do with controlling but more that they and THEIR world are miserable SOB's...............
May 3 - 12AM (Reply to #5)
Arwen
Arwen's picture

In my experiences with narcs

In my experiences with narcs it is control that stops them from laughing. They have to control all moods of those around them and if they are not making the joke or ridiculing some poor soul then they will not allow anyone else in the room to feel free to laugh.
May 2 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
janine
janine's picture

Sad creatures

Mine laughed once in over 11 years. It nearly frightened me. No one in his family ever laughed though his parents smiled at me when I told them funny stories. Their place was like a funeral parlour. Once, in N's house, I went around humming to myself as I often do. His son said "Oh but Janine you are singing!" He sounded puzzled while pleased. "No one has ever done that in this house." They had been living there for 20 years.