my hN insists he is very unhappy where he is and will be on his own soon-liar?

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#1 Sep 16 - 12PM
jaycee
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my hN insists he is very unhappy where he is and will be on his own soon-liar?

For all of you who know the inner workings of a narc, and I who am learning more and more, please remind me, every word out of his mouth is an utter lie. This morning he came here to finish the yard, and to make sure i used his account to pay the mortgage, as he pays all the bills here. He was cranky and rude, and said I thought you would have done it already, got snotty so I said whats your problem, dont talk to me that way, why are you so moody? His response was, it has nothing to do with you, sorry i was being such a jerk, but having more and more problems over there. She has been fighting with me for two days now and I cant take much more of it. I said, well, to be honest, if it were that bad, you wouldnt still be there, he said trust me, it will definately be soon, i have to get out. the fighting is out of control, but i think he likes the fighting, i really do. its the whole push and pull over there, she fights with him then begs him not to leave her. last week he told me she says I know youre going to leave me, im gonna come home from work and you will be gone one day, last week I asked what do you say to that......he said, i say nothing and walk away, i asked the same question today, his answer was, i say i wouldnt do that, stop worrying, he said but in my mind i say, cant wait for that day....and he laughed, so i called him on that lie, and he said, sometimes i dont say a word, but this week i felt like i had to say something, and i figured saying i wont do that stop worrying, she would stop nagging me. lies, lies and more lies. I dont believe for one minute its that bad over there and if it is, he obviously loves the drama. he wouldnt tell me what they were fighting about, but i bet its about his lies, lies, and more lies, maybe the whore is catching on, maybe she realizes she didnt win the prize, and hes not at all what he was like when they were sneaking around together for over two years, guess the honeymoon has to end with everyone at somepoint............what do you think?

Sep 16 - 9PM
jaycee
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thanks for all the replies

you are all right, he is a liar and his total fantasy would be to have us both, but living here would be his real total fantasy, because he rather liked his home and dog and pool, and having her on the side to screw, now hes unhappy, but the funny thing is, he HAS two others on the side, as well. the one at work hes been screwing for years, they seem to be talking more and more, because hes so unhappy there, and cant come here, so needs his sneaky supply from her, cant imagine what his whore will do when she finds out about his affairs, unless, she is starting to realize and thats why shes fighting with him more and more........hahahaha, what he does with you, he does to you...........hope she finds that out soon. as for him, he needs my sympathy now, because i am about the only person he knows who has any kind of compassion for even the most evil of souls. he texted me tonight, saying, and I quote " youre the best, you were always the best before, youre the best now, and u will be the best in thirty years from now my luv." wow, them are so desperate words from a narc looking for his primary supply......i laughed, if i were the best (which he means hes the best, lol) he wouldnt have been looking for the next the entire time we were married. what do you think of that.........jaycee

Jaycee

Sep 16 - 12PM
ShaynasMommy
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Jaycee

Hi Girl, I'm sorry he's trying this on you, but not surprised. Im thinking youre not either.But I will say this: you should consider what you are doing by even entertaining his little stories. He is counting on you to listen, like you always have. Its time to break that habit. I know its tempting to see what is going on over there, but let's face it, you already know....a bullshit farce of a "relationship." Since you have been so worried about wether or not they will stay togehter, I suggest that you try not to fall for his poor me crap, and just say things like, "I'm sorry youre having a rough time, but I really don't want to discuss the details of your private life anymore" and leave it at that. You owe him absolutley NOTHING, Jaycee, not even a sympathetic ear. And he knows that, but hes gotten used to you doing it anyways, hasn't he? If you really want to see that relationship go down the toilet, I say the less involoved you are the better. If he cant use you for more supply, then he will be forced to find it elsewhere, and then the shit will really hit the fan at their house. Because if youve noticed, the supply roles have been reversed. You are now his primary supply, his "challenge" outside his homebase, and the ho is now his secondary supply, the one he goes to when he's running low. Its sick but its just how these dirtbags operate, and that's why their lives are total chaos. When I went NC on my ex N, he had nobody else to bounce his crap off of, so his new "love" went south really quick. She dumped him and moved out without really telling him. which says either she was just as scummy as he was, or she was scared to death of him. So, you need to get off of his roller coaster, and start weaning him off of your boobies. Make him go find another Mommy. :)
Sep 16 - 12PM
michele115 (not verified)
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Jaycee...

He's playing the sympathy card...don't cave. He's already peeped yours, he knows you have a kind heart...if you cave he'll probably tell the BITCH "Ive had a change of heart, I've made a mistake I love my wife I'm moving back home"...OW at some point or another get dumped on their heads, some sooner than later. He used her to spew his hostility that he was too chickenshit and coniving and sick to spew on you directly so he USED her to abuse you. Not by just leaving you for her, but all the times she publicly humilated you. Think about it, he has sucessfuly manipulated and fucked with her head too (but don't feel sorry for her either because the focus needs to be on you). His best fantasy, since it's all about him would be to have you both. So, are you willing to settle for crumbs? Do you really want to be second place? Enjoy his misery for a change. He has no feelings, other than for himself, so in this case, I think enjoying his misery will be harmless as long as your not inflicting it directly - and your NOT. These buttheads love the sound of their voice. They will share their business with ANYTHING with ears because...in the words of Lisa E. Scott..."IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM" Fuck with his head. Politely let him know, without a shred of emotion, you don't think it is appropriate for him to share his personal business about his relationship with you. You've accepted his choices, his relationship with her and at this point it is pretty much his responsibility to find an appropriate sounding board. That sounding board is not you." Of course he will say something to that. Go into Charlie Brown mode.
Sep 16 - 12PM
lisalisa47
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YEP, that's his "in" attempt with you

Over the past week my ex narc has been "reaching out" in his own psychotic way: Letters to me i didn't read but friend told me certain parts: First one: He wants to marry me he loves me im all he has from me? no response Second one: If he does not hear from me he will kill himself in jail but since there was a thrid letter i guess he couldn't find a razor to kill himself with. thrid: since im NOT talking to him he will be out in november to retrieve his dog and truck, Good luck finding me or the dog 4th to his ex wife: He has lost everything (poor baby) the cancer has returned (OH NO!) and oh, by the way, he gets out in Nove (since he's going to DIE there but is still getting out, maybe he's a cat with nine lives" Yes sweetie, this is his "help me" plea to you, again not being straight forward. He pities himself

LML

Sep 16 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
jaycee
jaycee's picture

yep that's his attempt

Lisa, why does he want to reach out to me, do you believe for one minute things there are so bad? why would he want to plea to me, hes still there, I dont get it, what reason would he need me for, unless hes reaching out for real, because he finally realized he has nothing for the whore and wants out and the only out without money is here. what do you think about that? please let me know............

Jaycee

Sep 16 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
ShaynasMommy
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Jaycee, hone don't worry about why

"His best fantasy, since it's all about him would be to have you both." ---Michelle 115 things don't have to be that "bad" for him to want his cake and eat it too. You are probably right, they are not as bad as he makes it out to be, because they are all fuckin drama queens. Its just MORE manipulations. Do you want more? I don't think you do. I know they are confusing bastards. Which is why its better to not question anything they do and just rest in the knowledge that ANYTHING they do is to make themselves look and feel like GODS, and they 'll usa anyone at anytime to do it. It makes no friggn sense, so better to stay away from it and focus on yourself. Were all pulling for you, Jaycee