My final goodbye letter to the psycho
My final goodbye letter to the psycho
I have written you many letters in the past, but this one is the last letter I will ever send you. This time last year I was in Mexico, surrounded by paradise and wishing to be home in your arms. At the time I was torn, I had recently broken up with my loving boyfriend for you. He continued to call, and I continued to hang up. It was you that I wanted. I wanted to marry YOU. I am so young and yet when I looked at you playing with the children at work I saw a future with you. You reminded me of so many men from my past that had hurt me and dismissed me yet you wanted me. You found me unbelievably attractive. You wanted to talk to me all the time. I should have run away at the first red flag but I couldn't, I cared for you too deeply already.
It took me a very long time to face the truth about you. Being the kind person that I am, I never wanted to believe that someone could wish ill will upon me. I had friends, family, therapists, coworkers all telling me that you were bad news. Everyone got a bad feeling about you. Everyone said you were a creep. Everyone said you were a control freak.
Every night all I thought about was proving the world wrong and you right. I was dying inside. I messed up my grades, I put some friendships in jeopardy, and I lost the only man that may have really ever loved me. I was depressed and anxiety ridden but I couldn't understand why. There were many days that I could barely bring myself to leave my bed.
That fateful day, August 6th, 2011 will be a date that is engrained in my memory forever. That was the day that you tried to break me. That was the day that I realized that you were not the man speaking softly to the children. That was the day I realized that you were a monster. I had moments where I believed it, but my body was in too much pain to accept it. Whenever I thought about it, I told myself that I was crazy. That you had the best intentions for me, that you cared for me. My body was protecting itself from the truth that had the potential to kill me.
After everything happened you said everything I had always wanted you to say. You told me how much you cared for me. How you wanted us to be like Romeo and Juliet hiding our romance in secret. You told me you never meant to hurt me. I protected you. I covered for you. I lied to those who cared for me FOR YOU.
In the meantime you were dating numerous other women. Well, you weren't just dating them, you were proclaiming love and care for them as well. You were threatening suicide to one in particular if she would not be with you. And then when she said she would, you called her a psycho and told her to leave you alone. You got into a relationship with a girl I thought was your friend. She was never your friend. None of the other girls were.
Well guess what, T? You DIDN'T break me on August 6, 2011. You made me 1000 times stronger. You suffer from what is most likely psychopathy and sex addiction along with various other personality disorders. For a long time I wondered what happened to you to have made you this way but I realize now that it is irrelevant. You ARE this way and you will always be this way. I do not feel anger towards you, rather I feel nothing. I see this as a poor reflection on YOU, not as a poor reflection on me as I did for so long. No matter what I did to you, it would NEVER ever be an excuse to treat another person the way that you treated me.
I spoke to your ex-girlfriend, who is a very sweet girl by the way. But of course she is, right? You would never date some one that wasn't. You see T, we don't see things as they are, we see things as WE are, and if you dated someone as ill intentioned as you they would see right through you right away. It's us empathetic ones that don't catch on because we assume that you're like us. Your ex and I chat pretty regularly, and when you tried to speak with her like nothing happened last week you should know that your efforts will be in vain from now on. We are both done with you. We are both moving on with our lives. We will both shed a tear no more for you.
Karma's a bitch, and you just lost 2 of the sweetest girls you'll ever know. Well, probably not. You will probably meet lots more sweet girls in your life time and you'll lie and manipulate them as well. I noticed your new girlfriend has the same name as your mom, and the same profession too. She's a nurse. Coincidence? Because I certainly don't think so. But that's not my problem. Unfortunately you're HER problem now and I pray for her every single day. My guess is you won't physically abuse her, you'll just lie to her and cheat on her every chance you get. I hope she figures it out before it's too late.
You, my friend, will die together with someone but alone. Your heart is cold. You aren't even human. You're just the idea of one who I accidentally loved.
Me on the other hand, along with the fact that I joined a health club, met new friends, stayed in touch with old ones, attend church, and found happiness that I've ever known, I believe in myself more than I EVER have. I now know to NEVER, ever doubt myself because everything that I thought about you turned out to be 100% true. I learned that I'm not crazy, and that I've never been crazy. I've learned to understand people from my past that are much like you. I've continued therapy. I have been able to help girls that have been in relationships with men like you and I have already saved another woman's life. I am continuing school. I am graduating in May. I got the prestigious internship of my dreams. I am focusing on ME which is what I never got to do before!
2011 was all about you. 2012 is ALL ABOUT ME!!! After tomorrow I will never think of you again. GOODBYE 2011, GOODBYE T, HELLO 2012, HELLO NEW ME!! :)
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