Is my female ex a narc or something else? Confusing traits.

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#1 Jun 15 - 11AM
digitalguy's picture

Is my female ex a narc or something else? Confusing traits.

I had a girlfriend before from church. When we dated I quickly sensed there was something wrong. There was just no real connection and emotional tension was building up. It seemed like she only cared about maintaining her "fan club" while mistreating me. The worst relationship I had - even though certain leaders didn't believe me when I said that. The first time she visited, she threw my dishcloth on the floor to mop something up. She used my bathroom stuff without asking. She didn't (want to) respect a "no". Small things but signs of disrespect. I discussed this with her but that conversation went nowhere useful (putting words in my mouth, not getting the point, etc). When I ended the relationship, she just said "OK" and asked what we should communicate to everyone else? She married someone else real quick, with a very similar 'profile', she used the same words to describe that relationship.


- she was abused in her childhood
- she has always come across as either commanding, explaining what others should do
- or she is charming, giving compliments, advice, encouraging
- she always charms leaders and other guys
- she is very driven to be in (church) leadership positions, even before being qualified
- she easily becomes friends with anyone
- once a proclaimed best friend didn't even say hi to her
- on social media she annihilates companies who don't treat her well enough (lol)
- she easily complains about discomfort, also when it's caused by her baby/child
- she launches new social media communities/blogs often to gain attention
- she seemed to have faked a prophetic dream that she supposedly got from her mom, seeing us being married with kids, and covered it up with excuses later when I checked it with her mom
- I have seen her say things to someone else, with that person being perplexed (total disconnect)
- when you know her better, she seems to have little real empathy or ability to adapt to others outside her "image bubble"
- she always got sexual as quick as possible, she got pregnant from her husband within months (then got married, she was obviously in a hurry)
- she puts down her husband whenever she can, on social media especially
- her husband always seems lost, especially when she is near, he is passively fidgeting (there is tension, it's not his personality style)
- when criticized or setting clear boundaries she goes into victim mode
- she often has a smirk on her face when I bump into her, and keeps looking at me in a kind of predatorial way
- she loves to keep a record of what I am doing with friends (semi hovering)
- when I requested for her not to contact me, she kept sending messages for all sorts of reasons. I went no contact which helped.
- Personally I interpret her non verbal behaviour in group settings as "I'm playing a secret game and I know how to win it" (biased perspective from my side though)

Somewhat confusing:
- she talks about her not being perfect, having points to grow, admitting she makes mistakes (humility?)
- her husband puts his foot down during important decisions, not sure about real equality though
- she appreciates feedback and promises change (maybe just superficially, might go in different directions)
- she cycles between being moods like manically happy, boastful, upset, and depressed (highs and lows)
- she has a really positive image with most people
- she is able to do different jobs succesfully for years and also switching to new ones
- she has an average appearance
- she doesn't have big fantasies about wealth
- she imitates voices to sound a certain way, for example to babies, her voice suddenly sounds overly unnatural/out of style sometimes
- she seems very conscious about how she raises her child and asks for advice in her blogs

Does this qualify as a true female narc? Or might she be more of a histrionic?

Jun 20 - 6PM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Female narcissist

Jun 25 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
digitalguy's picture

Thanks for your reply! I

Jun 26 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture