My Dad talked to me tonight

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#1 Feb 15 - 2AM
Piscesdream
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My Dad talked to me tonight

He is helping me to see that my ex's life sucks. He is looking at my profile often because he's jealous of me and my life. My life is good, he wanted a piece of it to escape from his own shitty life, and I dumped him because I see that he's a loser and that he created his own shit of a life. He knows I am a better person than he is, which is why he picked me to abuse and use- because he's jealous of me and my life. His life is a life that nobody wants. He wants other people's lives. My ex even said numerous times that I deserve better than him. Maybe my ex was being truthful in that moment because I DO deserve better than him.

Feb 15 - 8PM
Piscesdream
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Well, I always found it be

Well, I always found it be interesting that he said to me, "Always act happy, even if you're sad. Don't let others know that you are unhappy."
Feb 15 - 8PM (Reply to #14)
MsVulcan500
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Yeah, mine always said he

Yeah, mine always said he cried on the inside. Same difference, everything is a big show.
Feb 15 - 8PM (Reply to #15)
Piscesdream
Piscesdream's picture

I also find it interesting

I also find it interesting that they can never sleep- mine has big grief bags under his eyes.
Feb 15 - 9PM (Reply to #16)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

like machines

Mine was like a machine, he could go the next day on so little sleep alot of them are highly self trained in their life He was very organized, scheduled, very very neat, clean, nothing out of place. Then of course some are complete pigs and slobs so it just depends, some cant even wipe the butts right (but we wont bring that old topic up again, ha ha ha
Feb 16 - 12AM (Reply to #17)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

they need less sleep

Along with the personality disorder, pathologicals have other issues in common, including a decreased need for sleep. Many of the women arrive for treatment in bodily exhaustion from the lack of sleep. The ability to dominate her when she is exhausted is an obvious benefit to the pathological for keeping her awake, but so is marathon sex or marathon fighting. (This technique is often used in hostage-taking and war crimes.) Additionally, one would have to wonder if the psychopath isn’t by nature a little manic-y, requiring less sleep. Almost half of the pathologicals were also hyperactive (which could be the ADHD that is prevalent in psychopathy). Since many pathologicals need much less sleep than normal people, lack of sleep is likely to catch up with her. The psychopath consistently keeps her awake, demanding her company while he watches TV, picks fights, or wants marathon sex. Her diet, exercise, down-time, spiritual practices, and friendships all go by the wayside while her stress levels increase. The fast-paced lifestyle contributes to a total deterioration in her health. Her physical exhaustion can greatly increase her emotional fatigability. She is now unable to hold her ground against the pathological, and despite the exhaustion, she remains hypnotized, fixated on his extraverted, highly exciting persona. Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Feb 16 - 12AM (Reply to #18)
Piscesdream
Piscesdream's picture

Mine would always fall

Mine would always fall asleep while we were cuddling in bed or would constantly complain about how he needs to sleep. In fact, he would yawn a lot around me and find reasons to go home earlier so he could sleep.
Feb 15 - 12PM
Piscesdream
Piscesdream's picture

I just don't understand how

I just don't understand how the concept of forgiveness (for my own benefit too, of course) will help me. I can't grasp the idea of forgiveness in order to move on.
Feb 15 - 3PM (Reply to #12)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

forgiveness is BS with a pathological

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/04/those-who-tell-you-just-get-over-it-or-forgive-forget http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2008/03/healing-and-forgiveness.html http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/12/forgiving-one-who-deserves-forgiveness.html http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/12/forgiving-abuser.html ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Feb 15 - 2PM (Reply to #9)
ForeverLearning
ForeverLearning's picture

I Struggled With That One, Too - Big Time

I understand the difficulty in YOU forgiving so YOU can move on. I struggle with that concept too. Here is another way to think of it. Bear with me. Maybe instead, think of it as - just plain old BEING DONE with the whole entire painful ordeal, saying "I give up, I surrender, God will have to figure this one out because I can't make heads or tails of this bastard's sorry ass and God knows I have tried to the point of exhaustion to my very core being, and it's about to kill me, and so now I am just DONE with this entire shit sandwhich which is my life now of endless anger and agony and sorrow and I just GIVE UP and give myself permission to be at PEACE with what has happened and to just let it be a part of my past, even though I may never fully understand why the hell it all happened the way it did, and just allow myself to finally rest, and become calm, and feel serene, and for the fury regarding the entire hellacious ordeal to just finally leave my body for good and eventually experience happiness again, in a peaceful way with no drama, and just calmness." Maybe that helps. Kinda like forgiveness, or like letting go, and all just to help you experience peace. Not just to 'forgive him' and say what he did was ok. More like just to let it all go, be wiser and not let it happen again, and to just have peace once again in your life, as you did before you ever met the jerk.
Feb 15 - 3PM (Reply to #10)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Well said, ForeverLearning!

There has been talk before on this board about forgiveness or acceptance or whatever you want to call that place you need to get to in order to move on and have a good life. I watched a good friend slowly kill herself with alcohol over anger at her XH. Her hate for him consumed her and her life spiraled downward until she died on a beach in Costa Rica from Cirrhosis of the liver at 45 years old. It was all very tragic and could have been avoided. All of this happened when I first started dating my XN. I do not want to end up like her, being consumed with hate and anger. I feel that will stagnate me in the long run and will do nothing to him. I want a peaceful, happy, productive life and I cannot achieve that if I am obsessed with him and his life. Oh, I've been angry. I've been hurt. I've wanted to know what I did to ever be treated the way he treated me. I've wanted to know what he is up to and why he's so damn happy while I'm picking up the pieces of my heart. And it's okay to be angry, you just can't get stuck there. Eventually as we become more distanced from these assholes, there should be less anger and pain and then we can accept that the only thing we were ever guilty of was being in the wrong place at the wrong time. So I am choosing to not forgive exactly, but accept and let go of the past pain and hurt he caused me so I can finally truly be free of him. That is the only way I can get my life back.
Feb 15 - 3PM (Reply to #11)
serene69
serene69's picture

Agree

I totally agree MsVulcan. I feel exactly the same way. I only cut myself off (or rather he ditched me a month ago) but I am trying to look forward. I know there is no closure like there is at the end of a normal relationship. We do just have to let go. But ultimately I have to think that my N is not really truly happy with whatever he has...so he is not really out there being happy - he just puts on an act of being happy. Just imagine spending your whole life chasing praise and adoration, never been contented with the status quo. Never truly loving someone. That is them - but it is not us. He is in torment. Mine indeed seemed to have some grasp of that fact there was something wrong with him (though of course he will not ever change). His life is one big turmoil and will continue to be so. I can however have a good and happy life. I was indeed in the wrong place at the wrong time. I know he means nothing to me, I know he will not be thinking of me at all. I have been cast aside. Why should I waste time thinking of him. I have so much more than he does.
Feb 15 - 1PM (Reply to #8)
rache
rache's picture

Forgiveness=

A choice.Just say i choose to forgive .....,and,i do forgive him/them.Then,leave it with God.Move on with your life.look at this man as never really being yours! NONE of this narcissists are capable of committment to anyone! And,the next time a married man or someone thats been married before several times hits on you-run like you're in a marathon to get away from him! At your age you have plenty of time to find mr right.At 53 i would rather be alone than be disrespected by another loser...
Feb 15 - 3AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

property

Pathologicals will ALWAYS consider you a piece of property - even if THEY dump you... this is how disordered they are. he feels ENTITLED to look at your profile... ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Feb 15 - 7AM (Reply to #2)
rache
rache's picture

barbara is right

the only revenge you can get on this worthless fk is living good and keeping him locked out of your life.
Feb 16 - 12AM (Reply to #3)
narcsurvivor
narcsurvivor's picture

True. But the only way to

True. But the only way to keep him at bay is not to show off or let him know too much about just how well you are doing. This might set him off. It's best to keep a low profile with him; that's what I'm gonna try to do. I notice that whenever I told him about any accomplishments, he never so much as congratulated me. He instead found a way to diminish and devalue them. It's none of his business anymore and is one sure way to keep him away from what I will cleverly portray as a "dull" life. He already knows I'm depressed anyway.
Feb 16 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
ForeverLearning
ForeverLearning's picture

A Low Profile Is Always The Ticket

A low profile is always the ticket for having the best chances of keeping the psychopath away. If he sees you out having a good time, he will just want to disrupt and destroy that somehow. A low profile is also an excellent persona to adopt in the workplace, by the way - keep your head low and dodge the bullets. I used this strategy of being low key, not outspoken, and neutral like Switzerland, in a tumultous workplace, and after 5 years, I was one of just several left after management made many sweep throughs during waves of lay offs / firings and other clearing house employee removal sweeps. All cause I shut up and didnt make waves and run my mouth. I pretty much let the Narc in the office tear each other to shreds and ultimately they all lost their jobs and I was the one left standing. My point is keeping a low profile is an excellent idea during the aftermath of a relationship with a Narc or Psychopath.
Feb 16 - 5PM (Reply to #6)
Piscesdream
Piscesdream's picture

Yeah, I learned my lesson

Yeah, I learned my lesson with my workplace narc. I tried to stand up for myself, made waves, and I got laid off. She's still there. Figures.
Feb 16 - 12AM (Reply to #4)
Piscesdream
Piscesdream's picture

Well he obviously doesn't

Well he obviously doesn't want me to be happy because when I got my job 3 months ago he called and said congratulations at the beginning of the voicemail and then proceeded to go into a 3-minute rage about "his" friends (even though they don't really like him anyway) and bullying me. It was as if my job gave him the incentive to call and threaten me.