my brother is getting married

People fall in love at weddings...food for thought - no pun intended...

Anne, Your feelings are normal and it's sad to see that you are temporarily raped of joy for your brother. Why would you want to watch a joyous event when you feel there are PDI disguised as normals? My made of honor called me in the beginning of September to tell me that she was engaged. Bad timing sister. I congratulated her but I wanted to tell her to wait. She knows what I went through. Of course she asked me to be her maid of honor. I accepted gracefully. Luckily for me, she added a caveat, "if you can,the dress is your choice and all the work that's involved I will coordinate because gog knows you have a lot on your plate. The impotant thing is that your standing there that day." all my fears disappeared, now that's a real friend! I love her and I'm proud to be her maid of honor. She doesn't care about my planning or time for dress brunches. She wants me there to witness her marriage. I am happy for her.

My sister is getting married in two weeks..I am ok with going single...try to realize your family member is more important that anyone..:)...I know it is hard...:(

You're feelings about this are normal. When I fled that little town where I lived with exN, I went to live with my sister and brother in law, who have this great 20 year marriage. Four beautiful girls, they have a "fight" about once a decade, that kind of marriage. I have never had a successfully "happy" relationship. Never. It was a struggle (along with my depression) to not descend into self pity and bitterness. It hit me one day that I had a choice. I could be happy for the people who had GOOD relationships, the kind I wanted for myself, OR, I could be bitter and resentful and envious. All I had to to was LOOK for evidence of either kind of thought, and I could prove it to myself, either way. It was healing for me, in my terrible time right after the end of my N r/s to try and focus on being grateful that good relationships DO exist, and that my sibling has had one all these years. Be happy for your brother, even if you have to force yourself to do it. This is a good opportunity to combat self pity and all those horrid memories that plague you still. Combat them with the REALITY that goodness and real love exits, and there is a new beginning for YOU out there too :)

I totally understand the emotions you are feeling right now. My oldest son got married the first weekend in October. When they got engaged, my exnh was engaged to a girl, and all I could think of was that I would be attending my son's weeding alone. Well as it turns out, my exnh broke up with fiance' a couple months before the wedding. Another twist though is that (I didn't know at the time of the wedding) he was dating his 25 yo secretary. They got engaged a week after my sons wedding and then flew to vegas and got married 3 weeks after the our son's wedding. They had only dated about 6 weeks. My point---and I do have one!!Is that while your heart is breaking, and the last thing you want to think about is a happy wedding and all the details that come with it, it will come and go and you will get through it. There are so many triggers out there, and a wedding is a biggie. Brings up lots of emotions. My exnh has dated, been engaged twice and married once in the 18 months since our divorce became final. Yes, his marriage/dating seems to shine a bright glaring light on the fact that I am still alone. I have not dated, and have no intention to do so anytime soon. Learning to be alone is by far one of the hardest things I have ever done. Just know you are not alone, and the feelings you feel are totally normal. Post often and lean on those who have experienced the same thing.

Sweetie, you are very early in this process and you need to give yourself time to heal. That being said, it might be a welcome distraction for you to think of something else. Think about the fact that there are actually wonderful people out there, that these are people that you love and love you. Also think about how you will feel after the fact if you don't enjoy the process with them. I don't want you to feel any regrets over this. What if you try to think of this as a big party as opposed to a wedding and that you are just helping with the planning. 9 months is a long time and I am sure you will be in a much better place at that time.

Just wanted to post a quickie comment to you as I am rushing out of the door but wanted to send you a big hug. No it's not silly not silly at all. You will meet someone but you have to date yourself first and get over whatever it is you have been through. Maybe you could use this time before August to work on yourself and be even more fabulous then I'm sure you already are on their big day...not to out shine the bride of course..lol...but give it time and I promise you by August even before August this won't be an issue....stick to getting yourself over this and with time it will pass. I understand how you feel, 13 years ago my husband, the love of my life, died and I had a friend who I have just recently distanced myself from who always liked to kiss and be touchy feely round me with whatever current man she had in her life and it used to make me miss my husband and being married to him so much, I'd sit in her house after being invited for dinner etc.as the single girl as I was widowed and she's be all smug couple on me and all over her boyfriend and boasting about what he had done for her. When I e-mailed her recently how upset I was about how the Narc had treated me see e-mailed me photo's back of her and her new boyfriend kissing....just a tad in~sensitive don't you think??? at the time I was heart~broken because we go back years but I see it for what it is now and a lot more.....At least your brother and his intended are understanding....thank the lord for that as you don't need pressure while you are healing. Believe me you will eventually want to get involved in helping with the wedding but it is early days yet...give yourself time. (((big hugs))) to you to~day Anne.