To my beautiful friends......xoxo

I was sitting here this morning thinking about the last week. As many know i had a major family tragedy. I lost my niece and my family crumbled. I have had some family members staying at my house (dad,oldest brother, nephew) that came from Florida. It has been crazy to say the least.
When Melissa died my brother (her dad) fell completely apart (to be expected). Some how i managed to take the ball and run with it. I made all the funeral arrangements, talked to over 100 people, set up two dinners for family and friends, visited all my nieces friends to comfort them, made sure my family was feed and that my brother was taken care of, made sure my niece was prepared at the funeral home (she was beautiful), and took pretty good care of myself (ate, bathed etc..). How amazing is it that i was able to do this. A few short months ago i was confined to a bed. I couldn't eat, sleep or bathe. I thought my world was over because of the wrath of the N. I realized that the reason i was able to do this is because of all of YOU. You have kept me going (still do). Things really do change for the better when you stick to the program. It wasn't easy but i think i am living proof that it can happen. I didn't always want to hear what all of you told me. I fought many times against the wisdom and advice in the beginning on this board. One time i actually told you all to fuck off and left. I was back in two days...lol. Im glad i finally realized that its your wisdom and guidance that brought me out of the darkness i was in. I will forever be grateful. I hope that those that are still so deep in their sorrow and grief will stay here. I hope that even when you hear things you don't like and fight everyone on taking the actions your dont want to take but know in your heart that you must, you will at least stay with us. One day the light bulb turns on. This is the beginning of your new life. I love you all.

ShaynasMommy's picture

You are a trooper, that's for sure. I am so sorry for your loss, and sorry I haven't given my condolences until now. You and your family are in my prayers. I don't know if you are religious or spiritual in any way, and I don't mean to take away from this sensless death in any way, but I think that maybe in all of this pain, you were meant to be shown how strong you actually are. And more than that, I see it as a sort of redemption for what you went through with the N, I mean because you were able to pull things together so beautifully at a time when everyone else is rightfully paralyzed with greif. I'm not sure I would even be able to do 10% of what you have done for your family and that sweet little girl's father....omg I can't even imagine. If I lost my daughter like that (knock on wood) I would want to die with her. I would probably need a Betty of my own, at that point. You are a caretaker, and you GAVE you all to the ones who mattered, for a change. The ones who love you back and the ones who deserve your strength. NOT the N! You should feel enourmously proud of that. You did all that IN SPITE of your own personal battle. If that's not progress, then I don't know what the F is. When all is settled and done, honey, I do hope you take some time to do your own greiving. It needs to be done eventually. take care, J
Scoop's picture

Oh betty we love you too , i cryed when i read this post . You are an amazing person xx
BlueMoon's picture

It just goes to show you that you not only were taking care of yourself enough to gravitate to a safe place when in crisis, but that you have amazing fortitude to galvanize yourself and so many others, both in your family and on this board. In addition, fighting the good fight everyday...for yourself, your kiddies and for what you know is right.
janine's picture

for posting this, when you have been through so much. It came just at the right time for me. Joining this forum, my first ever, had taken courage, because I am absolutely not a group person. And while I find it helpful and lovely how you support each other, of course I do not agree with everything. I suppose that's normal. But those little demons kept whispering that I need not be here. After all I've done much healing before leaving my N guy, and I'm fine and so on. A sane little voice kept telling me, I might be that now, but not tomorrow or next month. Then I would need all the help I can get. Well, and in the meantime I might just be able to support others. So, I'll definitely be staying. Thanks to all of you for being here.
almostlydia's picture

I'm betting you would have managed it months ago too because that is the kind of strength I know you have, like so many of the women here. We do what is needed and what is necessary because we have to for the ones we love. Our strength only seems to fail when it is for ourselves. It is all the difference in the world to be able to deal with a tragedy from a steady place. To be able to give it and all those effected by it our full focus and the respect that is warranted. I have dealt with several tragedies in my family and been unable to be there 100% because of the ongoing nightmare that was my mental and emotional state because of the N. They say that God never gives us more than we can bare, but during those times I had to question that. As terrible as your tragedy was and is, I am glad you were able to give yourself to it 100%. It is a small consolation but a worthy one. I'm so glad you're back.

almostlydia

smileyfacepr's picture

what when we can do and get through when we feel needed..ur family needed u and u were there and strong even though going thru ur own pain from losing ur neice..u knew others needed u to be strong for them. Im so proud of u for moving on and not giving up! Im not giving u either and thank u for always being there!! I love u too..xoxoxo God bless u today and always!!

smileyfacepr

Qing Yuan's picture

Oh Betty. You are amazing, the best moderator and friend ever. You have helped me so much and supported my growth here. Thanks Betty for all you do for us and for others too. Its sounds like you really wroked hard to hold it togther for yout family. Its a awful thing to deal with. I just dont want to even think about such a tragedy happening. Children are just not meant to die. But Betty your a star. I am glad I found this site. It has kept me so strong at times when I feel like I am dying. Bless you Betty. XXXXX