My 6 week anniversary of NC

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#1 Oct 24 - 2AM

Anonymous (not verified)

My 6 week anniversary of NC

Sunday October 24, 2010

Went to a bar, not to really celebrate my NC, just went because a friend invited me.

It was okay, not my crowd - I don't like bars that much...people drink then get stupid...

Left at a decent hour.

What I think really is worth celebrating?

For six weeks and counting I've resisted the urge and the offer given to spread liquid fart in the air vent of his car. The thought alone was better than visions of sugarplums and he has no idea how much effort it took to resist giving him the gift of olfactory disturbance for months and months to come - especially since in the Winter he HAS to use heat.

Congrats to me....

#2 Oct 24 - 2PM

lisalisa47

LOL LOL and LOL

If i could send a Stinkogram from Fluffy to mine while he is stuck in his cell, i would do it! (HAHAHA....don't let THIS influence you) Congrats on your 6 weeks. (mine is 2 months and 5 days) LML

LML

#3 Oct 24 - 1PM

Briseis

ROTFL

I hear you, very much. It is a miracle when you keep yourself from retaliating. Because later on, you'll regret it. Well, maybe not the liquid fart. Where can I get some of that anyway? Six weeks for me was one of the first "turning points". The anger was set and rock solid. I didn't want him back even if he DID change. It would still be his face and his voice and his body, the same ones that caused me to suffer for the last seven years. Sorry, my ability to forgive is limited. Six weeks felt like six days and then other times six years. The swings can be wild. There can be depression and "nothingness". The "hole" is still there, but it's beginning to be filled. It's when I first started having feelings of peace. They alternated with intense rage and pain and I'd get obsessed and have to stop myself. But I started "getting" the peace part. The peace part gets bigger. The hole gets smaller, and the nothingness becomes YOU and your life which you are more grateful for after going through all that :) ((((((Michelle)))))))

#4 Oct 24 - 9AM

faithinthefuture

michele

I too thought you were NC longer. You are doing amazing! Your thoughts and encouragement to all of us shows that! Wish I had some champagne & OJ to toast all of us! I'm 7 months NC today! I know I have a long way to go. But when I look back I realize I have already come a long way. Want nothing to do with him. Now I find anger creeps up on me.and as much as I would love to tell him off and what I think of his pathetic lil ass I won't give him that satisfaction. I want to drive him crazier with my silence. No he hasn't tried to contact me. He won't. first he's a chicken shit and second he knows i know what he is. I'm no longer a good supply for him. :-)

#5 Oct 24 - 1PM (Reply to #15)

MsVulcan500

Michele,

Congrats on 6 weeks!!! That is a huge accomplishment and a great start to 6 months, 6 years, 6 decades. Yes, you will still have the mood swings, the sadness and anger, but just know if you resisted contacting him during the first 6 weeks, it will be easier to resist contacting him from now on. You've gotten through the hardest part. Also remember, that if you were to contact him again you would have to go through all that you've already gone through again. Who wants that?

#6 Oct 24 - 7AM

moonshine

michele

Yay...yay.....i think you are stronger women to start with. I wish i could do better. Look at his face and say "you are full of shit".

#7 Oct 24 - 6AM

jaycee

six weeks

michele, good for you, i wish i could have been nc for six weeks, i cant wait until someday i can say those words....i hope it doesnt take me a lifetime to do so......congrats, you are a strong woman........hold in those urges, because im learning any contact good or bad, is their supply Jaycee

Jaycee

#8 Oct 24 - 6AM (Reply to #11)

michele115 (not verified)

Thank you Jaycee

You will get there too Jaycee, I know you will... Hugs!

#9 Oct 24 - 7AM (Reply to #12)

jaycee

thank you jaycee

Im glad you have confidence i will, it makes me want to get there even more.........hugs to you too.......Jaycee

Jaycee

#10 Oct 24 - 6AM

blueeyes

Awesome news!

6 weeks? How do uou feel? I'm thinking of you.

#11 Oct 24 - 6AM (Reply to #2)

onwithmylife

congrats Michele!

you seem much further along in the recovery process than I was at that point, I guess I am a slow learner when it comes to men! i still had the door open for him for many months, too much wishful thinking at that point on my part................

#12 Oct 24 - 6AM (Reply to #3)

michele115 (not verified)

onwithmylife

Don't kid yourself...it is truly up and down, but just not as intense *guess that answers blueeyes question too...hey blue! I don't think I'm deluding myself...I know the facts, don't want him and firmly believe if he were to stand in front of me I'd either spit or kick him, so I don't think I yearn for him. I asked myself if he won a million dollars and threw himself at me would I go back and the answer is still no...I wouldn't even be his friend and try to use him for the money...in my book he's less than the crap at the bottom of my shoe! Onwithmylife, I don't know how I got to where I am "so soon" and still it doesn't seem quick enough? Every man I see, yea, I'm like you F#$K...but I'm confident it won't last, they're just sworn off for a long time. I really want to get back to being comfortable in my skin. The only thing that bothers me, is the fact that I do have the emotion of anger that fluctuates but it's not unbearable - it's not the rage. Also, before I joined the board, I really was on a rampage with vile text messages so that got some of my venom out? I held nothing back, I mean the worst thoughts anyone could conjur up in terms of "colorful" language and description penis size, hygene, sexuality...nothing was held in abeyance...so maybe that helped. I just don't know what the norm is and why despite what I can't call indifference yet because I still get angry - why he still occupy's space in my mind. But it will pass and as long as he's not here in the flesh...HE's safe... Baby steps.

#13 Oct 24 - 7AM (Reply to #4)

onwithmylife

michele

I think you may have been on to something and all those vile text messages you sent him may have been very cathartic for you. I never got the chance other than a few letters but they were too kind and gentle, oh well it is all, over but the healing process. At least the letter I sent him asking him to re-examine his relationship with his mother someday to see if he revisited her with each of the women in his life, may stick in his mind. That is when i got back the hateful letter dumping it all on me once again, whore, slut offering free sex on the internet, first come, first served,accusing me of resorting to cybersex and webcams in" my desperate and depraved condition." That letter really helped me see where HE is now and gave me the closure I needed so badly..

#14 Oct 24 - 7AM (Reply to #5)

michele115 (not verified)

Onwithmylife

At least the letter I sent him asking him to re-examine his relationship with his mother someday to see if he revisited her with each of the women in his life, may stick in his mind. That is when i got back the hateful letter dumping it all on me once again, whore, slut offering free sex on the internet, first come, first served,accusing me of resorting to cybersex and webcams in" my desperate and depraved condition." Evidently you struck a nerve...HA! Take glory in that...you had the last word and made him crazy...is that possible?...LOL AH..crazyER

#15 Oct 24 - 7AM (Reply to #7)

onwithmylife

Hey Michele

His own brother talked to me once and apologized on behalf of his family for how his brother treated me and then went to to say he thinks everyone is crazy and he is right. It is so sad because his own brother tried to get him institutionalize but he refused to go. what does that tell you? I never told my EXN about that phone conversation many years ago.

#16 Oct 24 - 5PM (Reply to #8)

michele115 (not verified)

Onwithmylife

I would presume the brother knows the deal. That on some level must at least provide some validation. In hindsight, I look at the Narcs family. They're all messed up. Mother tolerated physical and emotional abuse for 40 years. When I first me the narc, he told me they were "happily married" humph Two years into it, she's not allowed to talk on the phone, can't go out, complains of going mad...but she stays. Told me when I found the gay message: If I go looking for things I will find them I shouldn't read too much into things... Sister is out of her mind stone cold ghetto! Brother is in the "country club" twenty five years to life He said he had "problems" with his family...little did I know in the beginning. Later I come to find the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. So the brother basically told you flat out what you're dealing with. If you were like me, you probably brushed it aside... It happens Eyes are wide open now...

#17 Oct 24 - 6PM (Reply to #9)

onwithmylife

michele

I sure did brush it aside and I think you are right, the brother was trying to tell me in the nicest way possible, that his brother is NUTS.

#18 Oct 24 - 7AM (Reply to #6)

desprathousewife

Congrats Michelle :)

Well done YOU. I'm 11 weeks and 2 days :) I also take consolation in my having had the last word. He texted me numerous times, rang and even turned up where I walk my dogs, followed me in his van and shouted to me. I ignored EVERYTHING. His messages were full of I love you's ( I knew none of it was true, he just wanted to get me back on side and get me to drop the charges). Without my knowledge of what he is and learning from this site how difficult but ESSENTIAL no contact is, I'm SURE I would have responded, if just to know the WHY he did what he did. His lies and my ignorance to his condition would most probably have lead me back into the relationship and although the nightmare I'm living now is no picnic, the alternative doesn't bare thinking about. My relationship may be over but my dignity is still intact and I guess I have had the sweetest revenge by bringing him to justice :) Feeling good today ladies. Long may it continue :)

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