Mother knows best.

11 posts / 0 new

#1 Nov 23 - 10PM

Gaia

Mother knows best.

Hello my friends! And Happy Thanksgiving Eve! I hope everyone is ready for stuff -yourself til you drop- day, and the wonderful coming of Black Friday ;) YAY!

As you know, the holidays bring back memories, some good, some not so good. I had another recollection today, and just wanted to share/vent here w/ you all. My favorite safe place :)

I remember when xN's mommy pulled me aside, the very first time I met her. It was a strange meeting, because we met at a courthouse, where he was being released from jail. (no surprise there) No one was there for him, except (ignoramus!) me, and his mommy. All his so called "friends" were missing in action. Mind you, much later, he ended up defending those missing friends, and NOT ME.

Anyways, she pulled me aside, and said " I think you should NOT date my son, go get a good government job, and meet a DECENT man". Now my first reaction was : this women clearly doesnt like me, and is trying to pull us apart." Mind you, he had already filled my head with stories of how his mom, doesnt love or support him, or his decisions. She is Asian, so in her best English, she also said some thing very key , that I WISHED I had paid better attention to! She said " My son is a little baby in his head" at the time, I just ignored the warnings, and "STOOD BY MY MAN"...gawd , I feel like such an idiot!

I believe now, that his mom KNEW he had mental illnesses, and was in her way trying to warn me. She once even gave me money, as to pay me off, to leave him. As much as I feel she was the main cause of his pathology, I feel she knew best , and I should of ran for the hills.
Some times, when he was angry at me, and get violent his mom would witness him breaking objects, or putting his fists into walls, or smashing his head. She once told me that " I was responsible for making her son WORSE" I never really understood all this, until now.

The fog is indeed lifting.

I am very thankful to everyone that is here with me. That is one thing I am VERY thankful for this season! Plus, I am thankful to be out of the nightmare that has been my life.
I send all my love!

Savegaia <3

#2 Nov 24 - 7AM

onwithmylife

savegaia

i had something different happen but not from his mother, she died the year i started dating the man and asked the narc` to leave my place due to the abuse of all sorts I was getting from him. I called his brother, crying my eyes out, as i still loved the narc dearly and his brother told me he was a 'classic psych 101 case', he tried to get the man institutionalized but he refused to go and his brother said their mother smothered and doted on him, yet i think was indifferent to him at the same time, he never got unconditional love. she initially wanted a girl, having had a boy, his brother years earlier. Anyway i did not listen well enough and went back for a lot more years, he filled a huge void in my life................

#3 Nov 24 - 7AM

Hunter

I have a different take on

I have a different take on mommy dearest .. You may or may not know but my narcs mother is more insane than he is.. You see when I was in my 20 ( I think narc was normal) we dated for 3 yrs.. Mommy one day decided that I was going to take sonny boy away .. She made it her narc mission to break us up.. She stalked,spread rumors.. A bad movie indeed... Mommy and him are still together thru thick and thin.. Soo... If your guy is trouble a lot of trouble woulndt a normal parent at some point.. Let this guy swim on his own??. She is the root of this guys problem.. She ran to bail him out of trouble she up his ass ...this guy has mommy issues.. Again Read" When he's married to mom" Kenneth Adams.. Warning or not the message is I'm my sons keeper.. Hunter

#4 Nov 26 - 10AM (Reply to #9)

Hunter

Read The Book!!

#5 Nov 25 - 7PM (Reply to #8)

Gaia

Hunter :)

I love that you always show me different angles to things, I believe you are correct! I feel in my gut she wasnt just trying to "help me out", but say that I was some sort of competition. She still does his laundry, cooks for a 27 year old man. And he still lives with her, he once told me that in his "culture", the boys get married, and live with the family still , I didnt like the idea of living with his mom and dad! And I dont see all Asians liking with their parents. I feel sorry for his next target, how she will have to deal with his psychotic tendencies, but that mother of his..oh good lord!! She is more psychopathic than him, I saw her lie so many times, just to get her way, and she always put him down, saying her other kids were so much better, comparing them all the time. He is on a forever roller coaster trying to please that evil woman! Best of luck to all them! With love, SG

#6 Nov 24 - 6AM

greengirl91

Thank You for sharing, this

Thank You for sharing, this is such an interesting subject subject with their mothers!.. Your post reminded me of some stuff that happened to me during my infatuation years with the Narc. Each and every time, I tried to be there, to be supportive, friendly, attentive to events, parties, ALWAYS, always he mentioned these kind of "friends", exactly as you mentioned in your story. In pictures, after events, he always posted pictures with "MY FRIENDS", and of course I wasn`t in there. I remember a happening with such friends and how much they cared for him, we were going for Chrismas to sing songs and stuff, and he was the only one who had a guitar then and played, so basically the most imporant "piece", because without him there was no background for music. And I recall vividly how we had to go in some far destination and he had no money left, and all those "friends" left him there, without a car. And he came to me and my friends car, and eventually because there wasn`t much room, one of my friends had to go with him separately. THAT`S how much those "friends" cared about him, but of course, he always defended them first. But as many of us say, this is not my problem anymore, I did my time! And oh, how thoughtful from his mother to try to warn you, even back then..she probably knew what would happen and what her son is capable of.. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

#7 Nov 24 - 1AM

Gaia

:)

Thanks everyone!! Big hugs to all you beautiful souls. XXOO Its so true what they say, that hindsight is 20/20...lol

#8 Nov 24 - 12AM

uk lady

Hi Savegaia

You are not alone. I feel that we all wished that we had listened and taken note from what we were told right at the beginning but we were in the honeymoon stage and we were their saviours. Just hold onto the fact that now you do know better and reserve all your energy for your recovery and the path forward. So much more rewarding and healthier for us all. I too am thankful for being out of the nightmare. Dee x

#9 Nov 23 - 11PM

IncognitoBurrito

Wow!

Your story is incredible. Thank you for sharing. Very thought provoking and inspiring.

#10 Nov 23 - 11PM (Reply to #2)

Gaia

burrito baby

Absolutely! Thank you so much too!!

#11 Nov 23 - 11PM (Reply to #3)

nomoredenial

WOW

I have often said why didn't anyone one tell me they thought something was off... followed by Yeah I prolly wouldn't have been ready to hear it amyways.

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