More Narcspeak, but I think I'm getting better at this.

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#1 Apr 22 - 10AM

loveofmylife

More Narcspeak, but I think I'm getting better at this.

More confusion from a confusing man.

So I get three emails and three vmails from his yesterday.
"are you around at 12:30 tomorrow? I have a 2pm meeting in your area and want to touch base with you quickly"
"I am blowing through your area at 12:30 and will stop by the company whether you are there are not."

______

Ok, so he attempts to contact me 6 times in one day to try to see me, but not really meet with me. He wants to see me, but he doesn't really want to. He would stop by the company even if I'm not there...even though he has no friends there and even though he respects no one there.

So why is he coming?

I called him back at the end of the day and said
- are you coming because you want to meet with me? do you need to talk about something specific? did you want to go to lunch and talk because I'll be coming straight from a meeting and won't have time to eat before 12:30.

Couldn't get any straight answers from him.

So i emailed later, "I used to fly across country to see you when you wanted to see me... and now we are minutes away, but all I get is a blow through or drive by shooting, and you can't even come out and say that you would like to talk or see me? If you stopping by because you actually want to see me, please let me know"

Anyway.... never heard back.... I don't expect to...cause lord knows, once he has DD me, he can't actually admit that he misses me or would like to see me. Needless to say, I won't be showing up at work... what a contrast to the days where I would fly across country within a week of him saying that he would like to see me or talk.

I'm thinking that his real reason for coming is to:
- look great
- flash that incredible smile
- be charming and sweet very loudly to everyone in the office to show how wonderful he is.
- all for me to witness and drive me further into the crazy farm.

Because he has NO relationship with ANYONE else at the company, except for me. he doesn't even like them (behind closed doors, or at least that is what he tells me)

#2 Apr 24 - 4PM

loveofmylife

He never came

Asked the receptionist the next day if he came into the company....he didn't. So it is what I thought....when I told him I wouldn't be there -he didn't show. I guess it was no fun for him to show up without an audience. He just couldn't bring himself to say he wanted to meet with me about anything in particular. He just wanted to show up and mess with my mind some more - and since he couldn't do that - of course there is no one else at the company who he would want to see!

#3 Apr 24 - 5PM (Reply to #14)

Barbara (not verified)

loveofmylife

does this finally VALIDATE what a soul-less, nonhuman predator he is for you? NC! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#4 Apr 24 - 7PM (Reply to #15)

loveofmylife

I'm a believer

Yes. I was done yesterday when he again was rude to me in email; it was out of line; I pointed out that he was out of line and reminded him of when he emailed that I had no "spinal column" when I was in the hospital and asked for an apology. He refused and stood steadfast that he is justified in always telling me the "facts" and that he can't be responsible for my feelings. That was it. He is inhuman and has paraded as an incredibly empathic one to all who know him on a superficial level, and even those that think they know him at a deep level - but are not involved in a day to day relationship with him. I think I am starting to understand why he said that sex in his marriage stopped after one year, why he said that his wife abandoned him, why he said the he/his wife had "values clashes beyond belief", why he told me that he divorced his wife (however, online you can see that she divorced him and got a restraining order against him), why he said that he and his ex-fiance had brutal word exchanges.... it was him. He has such a believable mask. But yes, I am done and have implemented NC even though it is a bit earlier than I had planned to have it fit with the business. I don't care if it will draw questions from people at this point. I can be firm in my statement I couldn't work with him anymore...

#5 Apr 24 - 9PM (Reply to #33)

quietude (not verified)

loveof...

Good for you, I am so glad you are seeing him for what he is; a pathetic predator whose only interest is in himself, period. Oooo, their self-righteous BS is so irritating, isn't it? Sticking to 'the facts', can't be responsible for your feelings....ugh, most of us know the whole D&D routine. The good thing about it, is you can finally see him for the nasty snake he is. Even though they try to hide it by acting like they're telling you these things for noble reasons...lol. You said, "he has such a believable mask". Seems as though you're getting much better at seeing what's really under that mask! Yes, they all have stories about their 'terrible' ex's, how their ex just didn't understand them, how they weren't supportive, or just downright crazy. I know I fit in there somewhere with the stories my ex must have told about me to be in the position he's in today with old supply. Stick to your guns...and maybe now you can focus on the person who deserves your attention and empathy, yourself.

#6 Apr 24 - 8PM (Reply to #16)

Monica

Stay strong, loveofmylife....

I worked with my xN/P and still have business ties with him. I know what you are going through, I know how you feel. Whatever you need to do, stick with your NC, for YOUR sake, your sanity, your emotional and mental health. Yes....it was always them! Not the ex-wife, not the fiance, not you. They will blame anyone and everyone except themselves for their problems. THEY are the problem. You see that now. Kudos to you for not caring if there are questions drawn from people regarding the business! When I went NC, I found out (without any prompting from me) that others didn't trust him, either. Others felt betrayed by him. Others questioned many things he told them. I would simply nod in agreement and say, "I know, I know. I saw the same things." You are intelligent and respected. Your business will survive and thrive. Be good to yourself. Stay NC and keep him out of your business. And know you have a lot of support here.

#7 Apr 24 - 8PM (Reply to #17)

loveofmylife

Thanks Monica

When the owner ended N's contract last fall (which N blamed me for brutally), the owner told me that he did it because he felt betrayed and disrespected by N. I thought that was odd as N had such a beautiful mask at work. But the owner picked up on some things. Your message actually brought me to tears...it is nice to hear support. Ironically my N has been my biggest supporter my entire adult life (now that my father has passed) so I know that that is one thing I'm going to miss and feel a need for.... it is so ironic. I have felt so dead all day today (no energy) knowing that someone I have invested so much time, energy, and emotion in needs to be out of my life permanently. And to think that last weekend, we probably spent three hours on the phone - he wanted to hear all about how my son was doing at college - he seemed so supportive and happy. They were wonderful conversations. It is so Dr. Jekyl, Mr. Hyde.

#8 Apr 24 - 9PM (Reply to #18)

wallaby (not verified)

Careful about how you think about things with your N

When you say: " Ironically my N has been my biggest supporter my entire adult life (now that my father has passed) so I know that that is one thing I'm going to miss and feel a need for.... it is so ironic." That is simply not true. Those were only words he threw at you to keep you on the hook. He has NEVER SUPPORTED YOU - only used you for his own supply. You have to admit to yourself you were CONNED by a CON man into thinking you were being supported. Besides he treated you terribly when your father was in the hospital so don;t call him supportive or you will only continue to confuse yourself. "And to think that last weekend, we probably spent three hours on the phone - he wanted to hear all about how my son was doing at college - he seemed so supportive and happy. They were wonderful conversations." No they were not wonderful unless you liken time spent being on drugs to being wonderful. I did cocaine in my early 20;s and now I don't think of it as "wow that was so much fun, and what a wonderful time I had" I think, shi* I can't believe I wasted my time and f**** up my health like that. It is a false destructive high used to keep you giving up your life for him - to keep you ruminating and cogitating and longing as you have for more than half you life. It is not wonderful - he pedals FALSE HIGHS which you buy to keep you addicted to him and so he could destroy you for his own high. It's an an entirely sick, false and destructive arrangement - not wonderful or fun. Good luck the NC - you seem to be much closer to being there than when you found this forum, and at the tipping point of realizing who he is and what he is about. I also hear much more recognition now that others do not find him as wonderful as you always thought they did. Previously you talked about how EVERYONE thought he was just the greatest thing ever and would be shocked to find out you wanted to axe him from the business - how much EVERYONE liked him. Seems it is not really so. Some people do "get" him. SO it seems it has been hard for you to break this idealization of him, but now its crumbling you have a chance at freedom. Go for it with NC.

#9 Apr 24 - 11PM (Reply to #19)

loveofmylife

Very good points Wallaby

it is like a false high - very destructive. It is easier to "get" when I think about the other married woman. I see how he directly lied to her about me only to get her more addicted to him. That is pretty warped. He has also told me that his high school girlfriend is one of the closest in his life and that one time at a HS reunion about 3 years ago, "out of the blue" she asked him if they could be married and he said "you are already married with three kids". Very, very similar to the story he told the other married woman about me. So I am seeing a pattern here....be the awesome, wonderful, gorgeous, empathic guy who heals wounded hearts of women who are married. And only pick married women that have impeccable reputations, high achievers, trusting, loyal, caring, loving, empathic, etc, etc, etc..... the ones he wanted, but didn't marry. Be seen as the good guy that is full of virtue for having such a caring nature with these married women and then, because of this "fake" empathy, become an emotional lover. (and then have the fake girlfriend(s) for sex) ONly the problem is this. Any guy with true virtue would not allow himself to become the emotional lover of a lonely, married woman. He would stay far, far away. Unless, perhaps, this is a true case of the two people being "meant" to be together. In that case, I could maybe see crossing the line. But I know of at least three of these women....so it is not the case of true soulmates. If there are at least two other women in the same boat as me, that can only mean that he is using all of us for his own supply and that he is a predator. It isn't about us, it is about him. My uncle, who also died of cancer recently at 52, was my best friend for most of my adult life. I discussed my dilemma with him a few years ago. Being the wise man that he is he said "something doesn't sound right here. You say you love him because of his character and because he has so much virtue, but any man of virtue I know would not allow himself to get involved with a married woman. And if he does, it means he has decided this is THE ONE for him and he moves forward with a full relationship. Are you sure you really know him? Why don't you move near him, get separated and even try a relationship with him before you decide to move forward with this. Something just doesn't sound right to me baby-doll..." boy was he right.

#10 Apr 25 - 12PM (Reply to #20)

better off

Hang in there... as you are

Hang in there... as you are seeing, not everyone was blinded by his supposed perfection. Only people who see him at a distance and online. You know it hurts knowing you're not The One... but loveofmylife, you can be The One. The One who saw thru him, The One who isn't going to swallow his bullshit anymore, The One who turns your back. Remember when you said he got furious when you said you wanted him gone from your life. That "no one" had EVER wanted him gone. That's right, baby, You are The One. You're Special. ;-)(I guess he wasn't counting the RESTRAINING ORDER from his ex as wanting him gone from her life! lol) What's even funnier about that, is that you were "just pointing out the facts" in that conversation. Who was he to get upset, right? And about that... I hope you can see how infantile this is now... YOU are running the company, not him. YOU got this deal going in the first place, not him. YOU are wanted there, not him (as he was FIRED, let's say that now, please, he got FIRED for betraying the owner). YOU have something to offer, not him. He is not a brilliant straightforward businessman that is better than you. He's a loser. But in order to feel important, this fired, nonCOO is going to send you nasty emails telling you "the facts" about what YOU are doing wrong. Hmmm... anything wrong with that picture?

#11 Apr 25 - 1PM (Reply to #21)

loveofmylife

Better Off

This made me smile.... you are so right. This was my deal, my contact in a new city, and now my company. The owner loves me and fired N for betraying and disrespecting him. But N does have me so brainwashed to think that I can't run the company without him and that I need him to be brutal with me to keep the company running properly. And that if he is not brutal with me about the "facts" that somehow it would be an ethical/moral failure on his part. And that if I can't listen to the "facts" (e.g. I have no spinal column being a "fact") then I am a weak. And it is all under the guise of him lovingly "helping" me and that our relationship has BIG ISSUES because: (and this is an actual email) 1. I cannot handle direct communication 2. I cannot accept help. And I guess I am THE ONE! :) THE ONE who realized he was carrying on multiple emotional affairs at the same time (in addition to the GFs he used for sex and companionship) and therefore THE ONE who needed him out of her life once she realized it was all fake. I just wish I could somehow let the other billionaire, emotional lover know. She really does seem like an amazing, caring, loving person who is incredibly educated and very devoted to philanthropical causes. She sounds more messed up than I am right now with yearning for N and can't love her husband. The only thing that prevents me from doing that is that maybe she is THE ONE and maybe she will leave her husband and will live happily ever after with him, so who I am to judge that situation and interfere with it? So I will let it go.

#12 Apr 25 - 2PM (Reply to #22)

better off

Oh come on... she's just one

Oh come on... she's just one of his duped minions right now. Amazing how he doesn't have these emotional connections with AVAILABLE people. Anyway, I guess it's time to show him your spinal column. ;P P.S. he doesn't even know the definition of "direct communication."

#13 Apr 25 - 2PM (Reply to #23)

loveofmylife

Available people

Exactly my thought. Why doesn't he have these loving, deep emotional connections with anyone who is AVAILABLE????? He has an AVAILABLE good "friend" that is after him for sex and a real relationship. He turned her down. His fake GF who has been with him for two years now....he broke up with her on and off saying that they are not close and don't really know eachother and that they both have problems with intimacy. I think it gets back to he can only have a deep emotional connection with someone who is not available, because it is safe. He never has to commit and he never has to worry about messing up and destroying the person and the relationship. Funny....I will happily show him my spinal column the next time he emails, by letting him know that I am asking that he not contact me anymore because I am done with the abuse. (because we are business partners I can't just ignore him without telling him why....because we are supposed to be working together to get this deal closed) My exact thoughts on direct communication. He has never been direct with me about anything. The mixed message, backwards talking, blame shifting, projection, doubletalk........

#14 Apr 25 - 3PM (Reply to #24)

better off

just an opinion, but I

just an opinion, but I wouldn't do that. I would just totally ignore anything that isn't business related. If he mixes the two in an email, I would only respond to the business aspects of it and ignore the rest. ignore ignore ignore. If you tell him you don't want abuse you will open yourself up to more abuse. Don't accuse him of anything, don't explain yourself, he will twist it back on to you. Just be completely cool and professional. He WILL do things and say things to pull your chain. Your response: yawn. Other people here have to do the same thing involving their kids... example: I will be picking up the kids at two. he says a bunch of inflammatory crap: you always were a moneygrubbing bitch who always has to have everything her way, blah blah... she responds with, okay, I'll pick them up at two then. No reaction to the provocation. That's what I would recommend until this deal is closed. Don't go to war with him during this period; he would enjoy that. Plus you will have an email record of him being a prick and you being a normal person and he can't claim it was an equal he said/she said fight of some kind if there are problems with this deal.

#15 Apr 25 - 3PM (Reply to #26)

loveofmylife

Better Off

Well, that is what he has been doing to me....just answering the business part and not the personal part. But the problem is that he abuses me in the business parts. So you think I should just continue to work with him (not doing NC) and just take the abuse that comes with the business stuff? It is confusing.....

#16 Apr 25 - 4PM (Reply to #28)

Barbara (not verified)

loveofmylife

HAVE YOU DISCUSSED THIS WITH YOUR THERAPIST? ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#17 Apr 25 - 5PM (Reply to #29)

loveofmylife

Therapist

It is probably time for another call....this has been going on for so many years...for monetary reasons - I stopped for awhile!

#18 Apr 25 - 7PM (Reply to #30)

Barbara (not verified)

loveofmylife

I've been telling you this since you came on these boards; and you have consistently dodged this question. Call first thing tomorrow - and find a trauma counselor. It is obvious you are not getting better and won't without it. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#19 Apr 25 - 8PM (Reply to #31)

loveofmylife

Trauma counselor

How is a trauma counselor different than a regular counselor....how would I find one of these?

#20 Apr 25 - 9PM (Reply to #32)

Barbara (not verified)

loveofmylife

they would be experienced in PTSD and its causes, effects & treatment. http://ptsd.factsforhealth.org/help/searchclinic1.asp ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#21 Apr 25 - 4PM (Reply to #27)

better off

Please don't think of it as

Please don't think of it as "taking" it. Just ignoring it. He is TRYING to upset you. Make up some benign statement you can use that he will eventually realize is you sticking it to him even tho it doesn't sound like it. "I will take that under advisement." "Your opinion has been duly noted." If you have to "respond" then you can say "I respectfully disagree." Not that you should respect him, just so anyone else reading this email in the future can see how wonderfully respectfully you are! Ha! OOOh. even better, you can say "with all due respect, I disagree with your assessment." That's a great mantra, because the respect DUE him is zero. So that's the same as saying "with zero respect." ;) Just never never never talk about your feelings, or how he's making you feel. That's what he's going for. Or what you will or won't tolerate. As soon as you go there, you are playing his game. You don't SAY you're not going to tolerate it, you just DON'T tolerate it. Ignore. When this deal is over, then you can completely shut him out, but as long as you have to accept his emails for business purposes, that's what I would do.

#22 Apr 25 - 3PM (Reply to #25)

sanctuary

better off is absolutely

better off is absolutely correct....kids or business...stick to the matter at hand and ignore the rest. He wants a reaction, any reaction. Don't give him the pleasure!! Don't give him anything to use against you. I know it's so hard not to keep getting drawn in when you can't go completely NC. I hate it and I've had to do it for yrs. I'm not always successful, but now I've found this site I'm hoping it'll help when I'm about to lose it. Keep up the NC, and ignore the rest! Good luck you can do it!

#23 Apr 22 - 4PM

better off

Ummm... why did you

Ummm... why did you basically offer to go to lunch with him? Why not just say, please let me know what you need to discuss via email. I won't be available. You are not available! Whether it's 12:30 or 5:30 or any other thirty. Knowing him, if you HAD agreed he'd show up just to tell you he was ON HIS WAY TO LUNCH with a DATE. Wasn't that par for the course? Who cares what he's doing or why? Obviously he didn't have a question to ask you or he would have asked it. He was just playing games. As always. And you have to get it out of your mind that he misses you, or wants to see you and can't admit it. The only thing he WANTS is to f**k with your head and keep you on a string like a marionette. As the others have said, he's getting you to RESERVE your time and your thoughts for him, and he probably won't even show up. And your other story?? OMG, he FORGOT you were FLYING IN FOR DINNER? Yeah right! What a jerk!

#24 Apr 22 - 4PM (Reply to #12)

loveofmylife

Dinner

yep, unbelievable about the dinner isn't it? I didn't even know how to interpret that since he asked me to come, said he couldn't wait to see me, blah, blah, blah. He did sound soooo sorry....we wound up getting together a few days after that for happy hour. And it seemed so wonderful. He wanted to know exactly when I was going to be available for a relationship, blah, blah...we talked for about 4 hours. It is amazing how much i've forgiven him and made up excuses for him.

#25 Apr 22 - 2PM

foolmeonce

Why?????

The exN I was involved with did this ALL the time. He would ask if I wanted to have lunch the next day or if he could come over or a million other requests. If I agreed - he would either ignore me that day or say he was sorry he had a really important call or meeting and he couldn't make it. It really was all about control. He just wanted to know if I would agree or if I was still enamored with him. He never wanted to see me, just wanted to know I was still on the hook. It will drive you absolutely crazy. Even if you confront him about why - you'll hear a million excuses. You know how they say that you get used to crazy making and dysfunctional relationships when you're with them? It is so true, you start to believe it's normal - but we all know it's not. That is not how normal people act. He used to say he would just come to my work and camp outside until I agreed to see him - so I would call his bluff and saw ok do it. Not once did he. It wasn't any fun when I didn't react the way he wanted. They are f*cked up. You may think that some time has passed and he will act normal - he will "pretend" to act normal for a very short period of time, then the same stupid crap will come out of their mouths. I know it is crazy making and has you upset, but you need to remember this is who he is and will never change. Once you get to that point, you'll just laugh at his statements because you will know they are nothing but pathetic attempts to control you and the difference now is that he can't control you. For your own sake, don't even spend one more minute of your life trying to figure out what he means. He means nothing, he is nothing. Write it off - his brain has been put in a blender and nothing will ever make it right.

#26 Apr 22 - 6PM (Reply to #8)

Monica

Foolmeonce...you are right on target!!!

You wrote: "If I agreed - he would either ignore me that day or say he was sorry he had a really important call or meeting and he couldn't make it. It really was all about control. He just wanted to know if I would agree or if I was still enamored with him. He never wanted to see me, just wanted to know I was still on the hook." You are SO right about this! It is 100% a game of control...to see if we would say "how high?" when they said "jump!" It must be such a rush, such a high for them to know that someone would go to great lengths to meet their "needs" and demands "on cue". It has nothing to do with wanting to see us, be with us...it is all about having the ability to keep someone on the hook. Mine would do the same thing. Blow into town, contact me at the last minute wanting to know if I can take off work to meet with him. I am sure he got a kick out of my using accrued time for HIM, and how I would just drop everything and leave work to meet him. And he never planned ahead more than a couple hours at the most. It always had to be at his "beck and call," when HE was available, when HE was ready, when HE was in "need." Thank goodness I finally said no more of this BS. And I knew that when I started asking for MY needs on MY time when I was available, he would never, ever come through. Because that is not what the game is about. And my needs and my time and my wants don't mean squat. I got to the point where he would call me trying to pull this crap on me and I would lash out and accuse and voice my disdain. And he still tries to do end-runs around my NC to play the game, to see if he still has power over me, to see if he can again get me to ask "how high" when he says "jump." NO MORE. I am sick and tired of the game. But he will never be able to stop playing the game. It's what (not WHO) he is. And he can never change.

#27 Apr 22 - 7PM (Reply to #9)

loveofmylife

Another control tactic - "I didn't really mean to call you"

This are some of my personal favorites. 1. The "no-call" He might call me three times during the work day when I'm in meetings so I don't answer. The second I do pick up the phone, the first words out of his mouth are "I'm in a hurry and I don't have much time, but I wanted to talk to you about...." He did this once when he called me at 7pm at home....once I heard those magic little "I don't have much time, but" words, I said....hey, you don't have time....I'm sorry...I don't want you to have to give me time you don't have. Call me in the morning when you do have time, click. " 2. Catch-me-if-you-can lunch He used to ask me to go to lunch every day for about 6 months and I said yes, every day except for maybe twice. Some times I was the first one to get hungry and would ask him to go to lunch (maybe 20% of the time). When I asked him to go to lunch, 90% of the time he said "no" he had something very important to do. Which leads me to believe (and I later found out) that every time he asked me for lunch he actually wanted something from me. 3. Personal-talk-only-when-i-want-it Whenever he wanted to talk about deeply personal items, I would talk to him about it. Even lots of questions about my relationship status. Whenever I wanted to talk about personal stuff (which was about 30% of the time the topic was brought up), he got very uncomfortable and closed up, and would get mad with me for "violating his boundaries" Yes, our time-needs-wants mean squat. I remember a particularly ironic moment....about 1/2 year ago....there was a banker that called to say he was going to be 15 minutes late to a meeting with us. My N said "can you believe that? This guy is a flake! That is the 2nd time he has been late for a meeting. That really just speaks about his reliability as a person. Well, the little hypocrite must have forgotten that 80% of the arrangements we made to meet in our lifetimes, he has either canceled or been late to. That doesn't matter because that was his time and his time is what is important.

#28 Apr 24 - 8PM (Reply to #10)

Monica

I would be talking with my xN/P on the phone...

...and another call would come in for him. He would say, "Hey, I have another call. I'll call you right back." HE NEVER DID. He never called me back. All those times...and he never did. What a freakin' jerkoff.

#29 Apr 22 - 3PM (Reply to #6)

loveofmylife

OMG Foolmeonce

He did the same thing with me all the time too. Very controlling. I can see it now, but then I believed his whoa-as-me-stories about being tied up as a single dad and work. One time we even arranged for me to fly out, he wanted to talk, we scheduled a nice dinner out. And at 6pm I get a text "god, i'm sorry, I got tied up at work and totally forget. I won't be able to get out tonight. I am so, so, sorry". I was devastated....because I went to a teeny-tiny bit of trouble to get out there. I gave him a pass at the time. But now, I realize it is all about control. I would say that he probably canceled or changed arrangements with me 80% of the time over the years and I always gave him a pass because of the kids. But now, knowing how much time he REALLY has for finding new supply on chemistry.com - I realize it was all about control, seeing if he still had me hooked. Every post I read, I just realize more and more and more how they are ALL alike! It is crazy! Can't believe how these guys can all act the same and it effects all of us the same. We are confused, we think we are going crazy, we don't understand, we have to think about and analyze everything because it makes no sense! One day after the DD (probably 2 days after), he came in my office, shut the door was all flirty, smiling, whispering to me, talking to me about deep personal stuff, etc, etc. The regular stuff. I thought - wow - maybe he has seen the error of his ways and he is making amends. But it didn't quite make sense that he was making amends because he never apologized. I called my best friend on the phone right after he walked out and asked her opinion. She said "he is an asshole and he wants something from you!!! get him away!" And I thought - but what? What could he possibly want from me? He has told others he wants no relationship with me. (I didn't know about Ns then) Then called my therapist and said, "what does this mean!? What could he want?" Her response... "I don't know what it means, but it is all-about-him (interesting choice of words). You may think he is flirting with you and making amends...but he is not. He is doing this because it makes HIM happy, it has nothing to do with you" I still didn't understand...because I hadn't heard of Ns. Now that I know about supply (as a drug and it doesn't matter really who it comes from), it all makes sense...but god it is confusing! (Love your brain in the blender analogy!) BTW, my husband just came in the room and we had a very normal conversation. It feels so nice to have a normal conversation with no head games. Very refreshing, peaceful, and calm. I truly think that God was watching me for 22 years, because everytime something came close to happening between me and N, something very unusual blocked it. Thank the lord.

#30 Apr 22 - 4PM (Reply to #7)

quietude (not verified)

believe it!

Beeeeelieve it! ... "Every post I read, I just realize more and more and more how they are ALL alike! It is crazy! Can't believe how these guys can all act the same and it effects all of us the same". N's follow patterns, this is not a coincidence. I know you've heard it before: HE AIN'T SPECIAL, HON. He is a low-life snake, with apologies to snakes. My ex is handsome, dynamic, funny, witty, blah..blah.. blah...so what? It's a F-A-K-E image. Doesn't mean squat, all it means is he's just a very good actor/manipulator/CON.

#31 Apr 22 - 2PM

azucar

"touch base"

translation: "feed off your energy, are you still blinded by me?" "I am coming through whether you are there or not". He is actually coming whether you want him to or not? Unless he has actual buisness in your office he is basically letting you know he doesn't give a shit if you want to see him or not, he's just going to do it for kicks. How incredibly rude and self absorbed!!! No boundaries at all! Really NC is the only way to deal with him! Stay strong loveofmylive!!

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