Miss him so bad :(

My exN went on in relationship on fb on the same day, he dumped me. I hope I have answered the question, how do these people NOT consider us. NOT stop. DO NOT respect anything or anybody. I am sorry that you are feeling down and sad. I am sorry that he hurt you so badly. But please keep it mind: He never understood you, because he never listened to you. He never connected to you, because he wasn't there for you. I know it's very hard and sometimes I still cry my eyes out because of mine. But every day brings you closer to yourself. Don't contact him :) X

You are probably right in this assumption. He is not calling you, or sitting around pining away. I think they don't stop moving because if they did it would hurt. They don't want to hurt or even think about the fact that they treated a very loving and kind individual with total disrespect. You are hurting right now and that is completely normal. It doesn't feel good, but in the end it will make you stronger. Sometimes I think we totally lose track of what a healthy relationship looks like. This is not an example of how a man should treat a woman. Tough it out, Ruby, and good things are ahead. xoxo, Ruby

Ruby Honey--I realize now how lucky I am that my idiot went no contact on me! It was horrible at first, as there was NO warning, no fights, it was all loving...and then nothing. But the good thing is, contacting him in the hopes of a response isn't an option. That gave me instant clarity. Nobody does that without being cruel and that kind of cruelty existing hand in hand with an entirely loving presence indicates a very dire mental disorder, personality disorder. I am going to post something by Sam Vaknin on another thread that might help you. He says the psychopathic narcissist has what he calls "cold empathy". In other words he will attach and resonate with you, and his empathy is very real and actually extremely well honed and tuned. The difference between you and the narcissist is their empathy is all related to the relationship while it exists and serves THEM. The empathic bond is actually about the relationship, not in any way about you as a separate entity. This is really beyond sick when you think about it. You are a person until they no longer need you and THEN you become an object. Yikes! We are trying to reestablish ourselves as persons when we have the urge to contact them. But we have to look at the situation in a way that we can really understand it and integrate it properly. It's really tough. My situation was so much easier, so clear cut. I am so sorry you have this extended deep misery to deal with, Hon. My best to you. I'll try to find that video now.--ER

I'm not going to be much help here! I feel the same lately :( But the sad truth is they dont care about us! We are an object. Just don't contact him, nothing but more pain will come of it!! Be Strong Hunter

You have complete control over your actions. By putting in the hard work and visiting this site religiously, I was able to get to a point where when the feeling came over me to contact or text or whatever, I learned that I had control over those actions and that it was in MY best interest not to act upon those feelings. You must practice self control! When you have learned to utilize that discipline and control within you, you will revel in how much strength you have had all along. You have just elected to give in to the feelings of weakness instead of fighting back. I use my iphone alot to visit this site, so when I used to feel like picking up and dialing/texting, I would just open up this website and read some of the most inspiring posts that I had bookmarked for easy access. So I had the feeling of doing something with my fingers, but instead of dialing and texting, I was flipping pages on my iphone and reading like a maniac. (The posts also gave me strength and courage to carry on without him) The feeling of wanting to make contact would pass in a few minutes. Yes, it came back frequently, but I would just do the same thing each time. I know its easier said that done, but one day at time. Each day you make it through is a victory for you! We are all here to support you! Hugs Monique

My goodness thoses days when we miss them so much it is hell on earth . Ruby i have a good listern for you tonight and it will take your mind off the narc for an hour ..OK .. the simple fact is we are going to get theses moments because we loved them so much and we have normal human feelings .. have an hour with Thoams Sheridan .. lets see if i can get a good one for you .. ill post it on the messgae board because we have so many newbees this week it will help everyone .. its evening here too are you a brit ?

You have been through a lot these days. Photos and notes are a sure trigger! You didn't ruin anything. It's not your fault that he CHOSE TO LEAVE. That is HIS CHOICE because obviously he's fishing around for OW supply. Furthermore, his CONFUSION and CRAZY MAKING wasn't "so perfect" or "so great." He really had you twisted in knots and was treating you very poorly. That's not "great," and you DESERVE BETTER! I am so sorry you're having a hard time right now but please know it will pass. And also please know that you will meet someone who treasures you for who you are. It just takes time and distance and belief in yourself. Turn the tables and focus on how strong you are. It's fantastic that you came here to post instead of texting him. It's fantastic that you are working through the pain and confusion and not causing yourself more of both by engaging with him. HE'S NOT WORTH IT. YOU ARE!!! Hugs to you, dearheart. It will get better and you will be happy, I just know it. Most sincerely, (determined to never again be) spinning. IT'S A FIGHT BUT I'M IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL.