IS THIS A MIRACLE OR DIVINE INTERVENTION?

THANK YOU ALL for bringing me back during my what it seemed like a major setback. After work I called a dear friend of mine who was once on this forum - she reads the forum from time to time and reminded me how much I was valued and gave strength to those in need on Lisa's site. She also told me quit doing this TO MYSELF, these unhealthy thoughts are NOT productive and could not be further from the truth. Its detoxing your mind from what a disordered person conditioned you to be for him. She has also reminded me that I NEVER was any of those things, at at the core of who I really am is what I have always been and will always be, and this sick man was never able to turn me into something I could never be. All your responses were very helpful I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS, and being reminded again what torment it would have been living with a disordered person. You are right Sara you saw the decline in my progress, that should be the best example of what breaking NC can do to us.

I was touched to tears that some of you expressed how my posts and articles have helped to keep your grounded and on the right path. Well you certainly have helped me 10 fold with your patience, understanding and concern. I just needed HOPE, and hope is a terrible to lose and you gave it back to me.

I was very tired last night but my mind was racing so I went through some things in my treasure chest, sometimes I do that I look at pics of my past, my children when they were babies, little tokens of things I keep as treasures; Now I have something I can give YOU that I think was meant to be shared.

I came across the script that was read by the minister at my father's funeral service. My father was a BRILLIANT chemist and he was the man that developed the formula for Sweet-Tarts, in 1962. I remember as a child he would bring them home in separate bags, one bag was tested for PH levels, another bag color, another bag texture, etc... He also found one day that a big bite was taken out of one of the Large sweet tarts, mmmm wonder who that could have been, he laughed but I will have to say there is nothing worse than a sweet tart that is not done!!!! He was President of the American Candy Association a very high honor and position - When I think of him I realize he was the only male figure in my life that ever truly loved me and never abused me, he was my absolute hero, strange how his daughter seemed to pick men that are abusive in some way when I had such a wonder father as a role model. Those issues I realize now go back before I was adopted at the age of five, I was very very abused by my natural father.

The minister at the service called my father "The Candy Man" do you remember the movie Willie Wonka? and the song, The Candy Man?

"Who can take tomorrow, dip it in a dream, separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream? The candyman can cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good"

My father wanted others to enjoy good candy, adding this special dimension to countless lives. I want to share a small paragraph of what the minister said:

"John would not want us to not sorrow or to miss him, he would know that this is a natural and important thing, to grieve for the ones we love. But I believe he would want to take our sorrow today and make something good from it... to "take tomorrow, dip it in a dream, separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream". This would be characteristic of John's life,through the power of love make things better - to take even the bitter things of life and some how make the world taste good. Maybe we could learn to incorporate this aspect of John's life tale into our own tale for our future?"

And guess who was sitting in the congregation as this was being read at his service? The disordered one!!!! It was that very same day that man entered my life, and as I look back I never had a clue as to what was to be "incorporated" in my future. This was truly a journey or experience that came into my life to show me how I SHOULD be loved, and maybe my father had to teach me that in his dying or in his legacy he left for me. As brilliant as my father was maybe it was something he could have never taught me, I had to learn it for myself, as we all did.

So how about it ladies; through the power of love can you take even the bitter bitter things of life and somehow make your world taste good again? My father would have wanted you to, as he did. I love you all.....