mine called me abusive.

15 posts / 0 new

#1 Oct 26 - 8PM

malloryforest

mine called me abusive.

STBXNSPH was visiting kids today. You would not believe the "love" show he put on with the kids. His change of attitude towards the kids is so dramatic. At the end of the visit, he started in on how he a victim. He told me that he had to leave the marriage because I am abusive. I sat there stunned. I am the one who is abusive. He puts the kids and I through hell, and I am abusive and he is the victim. I almost threw up right then and there. I can not co-parent with this animal. He went to the kids therapist today, and I think h put on a stellar show of the loving parent. The whole thing makes me sick.

He is up to no good, I just know it.

#2 Nov 4 - 2PM

AnotherPath

Mine just wrote to my lawyer

Mine just wrote to my lawyer saying I was violent on a few occasions with him, that he wanted me to do a hair strand test because I was on drugs to escape my unhappy life, and that I wanted to sleep with other men, and he felt nervous around me, him being 6.2' and 260lbs and me .5.4" and 120lbs. He has also recently told my children 4 & 6 that I punched and kicked him. He seems to have forgotten that in a previous court statement he admitted I had never hurt him or shouted at him. Also when we split he sent emails saying how kind I was and a "fluffy"mummy. Mores the point he has a criminal record for violence. I can just imagine what he's telling his new girlfriend..... Do they actually believe this to be true? Or do they know it isn't and they're trying to hide what they themselves do? This is the bit I just don't understand

Ending the dance

#3 Nov 4 - 8PM (Reply to #14)

Barbara (not verified)

AnotherPath

they believe what they are saying at the time they say it. That's how NON-HUMAN, brain-damaged and TWISTED they are. http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/09/15/narcissists-believe-truth-relative-quantity Get out of his head... not a nice place to be and you'll never make sense of it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help

#4 Oct 27 - 12AM

Clover18

My ex NH kept trying to tell

My ex NH kept trying to tell me exactly the same thing. Every time I heard this SH&*!^%* , I would be stunned beyond belief that he could try it after everything he put me and our children through. And he played the victim card (my wife is an abusive, violent crazy bitch who makes my life hell etc) with OW, so then I had HER accusing me of being an abuser too. Pondlife http://stoptherollercoaster.blogspot.com/ http://byebyejekyllandhyde.blogspot.com/ http://knittingattheguillotine.blogspot.com/

http://knittingattheguillotine.blogspot.com/
http://stoptherollercoaster.blogspot.com/
http://byebyejekyllandhyde.blogspot.com/
http://libertyfromlies.blogspot.com/

#5 Oct 27 - 12AM

tasha

me too!

That's what he told the next victim!I was abusive-not that I wanted to see other people which was the reason I gave him. It wasn't the main reason for ending it! It was because he was making me misearble!!

#6 Oct 27 - 6AM (Reply to #11)

Barbara (not verified)

same sh*t different toilet

Psycho-Boy tells everyone I put "him & his family through YEARS of hell" No mention of what he did to me, putting me in the hospital, threating my life and my children's lives. Not a peep. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

#7 Oct 26 - 10PM

quietude (not verified)

That's called Projection...

That's what this is mallory, and it's typical. Why are you stunned? He's a total dou***bag...sorry, but this word really comes to mind when I think of this guy. The visit is about the kids, why is he being allowed to talk to you like this? You need someone there with you...as we've said before. As you can see, going along with HIS agreement that you mentioned the other day isn't working. He's feeling large and in charge right now. Time for a CHANGE.

#8 Nov 4 - 11AM (Reply to #9)

Kate (not verified)

YUP! YUP! YUP!!!

That's RIGHT. The Time of HIS CONTROL is OOOOVERRRRRRRR... You take control and Without telling him... you don't owe him and explanation ANYMORE. He's so insistent on "yanking your chain" PLAY THE GAME. I wouldn't let him visit the children ONE more time without someone On YOUR SIDE sitting beside you like Grandma or Sister, brother, Mama = Somebody! Actually, it would be better if you had a Non-family member there - Think ahead to Court etc... you need a Neutral party to witness these visits... and not only that but the B*stard will think TWICE about opening his stupid mouth and dumping STUPIDITY all over your house! Who the heck does this rude little boy think he's talking too??? YOU ARE THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN -- Demand respect. Set boundaries, allow him to speak ONLY if he speaks rightly - otherwise Cut him off. TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK! When in your presence, require the behavior acceptable to YOU. If he's UP TO SOMETHING - Fine = but you don't have to take his Bullsh*t in the Mean time!!! If he's gonna do something = we know he's gonna do it anyway... So take back your dignity! Screw that JACK ASS!! Sorry but this kind of crap just gets me ALL FIRED UP!!!!!!!! (Hence my signature) Mine also said I was Abusive, violent, had severe Anger issues... WHO DOESN'T HAVE ANGER being around these MANIACS??? I never had children with my Narc - THANK GOD IN HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!!!! I do not envy you, but I can give you advice based on imagining if I DID have children and what I would Tell Myself!!! All Fired Up!!!

#9 Oct 26 - 11PM (Reply to #8)

Barbara (not verified)

Amazing What One CF Can Do in a Few Hours, Huh?

Projection http://www.cosmicwalk.co.za/games-projecting.html Blame Shifting http://www.cosmicwalk.co.za/games-blaming.html Being the Martyr http://www.cosmicwalk.co.za/games-victims.html Putting You on the Defensive http://www.cosmicwalk.co.za/games-attack.html Invoking Fear & Anxiety http://www.cosmicwalk.co.za/games-fear.html Using the Children http://www.cosmicwalk.co.za/games-children.html Lying http://www.cosmicwalk.co.za/games-lying.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

#10 Oct 26 - 8PM

Hoping2Heal (not verified)

Puh-leeease!

mine says I am verbally abusive too. Can you believe I have never even called this man a name? The kmost horrible thing I think I have ever said wasthat he was selfish and cruel. Ahhh poor lil baby. I told him the truth. How hurtful! Forget all the names he calls me, the physical abuse I endured not to mention the emotional and verbal abuse, but its ALL ABOUT HIM. He's the victim.....Gag me!

#11 Oct 26 - 10PM (Reply to #2)

Barbara (not verified)

gag me

SOOOOO predictable!! what a sick piece of worm shit he is. UGH. He's doing blame shifting, projection & playing martyr to get you to react. And do NOT react. Whatever he calls you just STARE BLANKLY and do NOT EVEN DEFEND YOURSELF. And if he does it in FRONT OF THE KIDS - good! DOCUMENT!! DOCUMENT and send to lawyer & therapist. He's about as clever as used toilet paper. Chicken f**ker. Super Parent Syndrome This is a very common ploy, especially if your partner has neglected the children in the past. An abuser might promise to start being a good parent, or might remind you how good they already are with the children. Many victims stay in abusive relationships because they believe that it's better for the children, but children are more aware than we give them credit for - and they know that abuse is occurring. In healthy parenting, children get to see both parents working together toward positive interactions for the whole family. When you stay with an abuser for the sake of the children, you are really slowly destroying one half of their parenting system - yourself - thus robbing your children of the true and healthy "you" that SHOULD be in their futures and replacing it with the you that continues to be abused over time. Additionally, children depend on you to be able to do your job where they are concerned. This means they expect you to nourish them, protect them, and properly socialize them. Part of protecting them not only means DIRECTLY protecting them, but also protecting their protector - YOU. Finally, a parent will always be a parent - even in the event of seperation or divorce. A truly loving parent will continue to be a truly loving parent regardless of the shape and structure of the family. So before you cling to the promises of super parent abusers, consider carefully what is really in the long term best interests of your children. Go back to the back-end of frozen poultry, CF! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

#12 Oct 27 - 7PM (Reply to #3)

grossot

mallory

I agree with quietude: you should not have to put up with this at all. Isn't there someone who can be there with you? I HATE your STBXNPH. He's delussional. My N ran across the yard -daughter in arms- to get away from me -who came to see if she was ok bc he wouldn't tell me- yelling "get off the premises!" And called the sherriff on me bc he's the victim. He just made an ass of himself. Then he locked me out and poor daughter came off the couch -sick and all- to unlock the door for me! YOU TELL LIES LIKE A CHILD SPEAKS THE TRUTH SO GOOD YOU DONâ€™T EVEN KNOW ~LISA SCOTT~(go to music tab) nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

#13 Oct 27 - 8PM (Reply to #4)

itreallyisabouthim

Blech. Mine showed up at

Blech. Mine showed up at the preschool and made off with our daughter saying "there's no order! you can't stop me!" Yeah, nice, Daddy. Mind you he'd seen her the day before and was to see her the following day. Nice.

#14 Oct 27 - 9PM (Reply to #5)

Barbara (not verified)

itreallyisabouthim

I hope you slapped him with PARENTAL KIDNAPPING. THE ONLY things these predators 'get' - is legal orders... and even then the orders must be IRON CLAD! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

#15 Nov 4 - 4PM (Reply to #6)

itreallyisabouthim

Barbara

No parental kidnapping. Because there WAS no order. He and I are on equal footing legally at the moment as we wait for a formal order. Scary, huh? But as my lawyer so eloquently put it, just because he CAN legally do something, does NOOOOOOT mean he SHOULD! There are so many of those damned can vs. should things in the legal cesspool that follows leaving a narcissist. I am doing everything in my power to establish clear boundaries and rules, but there is just SO much wiggle room. The "Splitting" book, as well as the lessons learned from others, is helping me realize how much I have to stand my ground up front. By the way, I LOVED this paragraph from what you posted: "When you stay with an abuser for the sake of the children, you are really slowly destroying one half of their parenting system - yourself - thus robbing your children of the true and healthy "you" that SHOULD be in their futures and replacing it with the you that continues to be abused over time." When times are tough and I need strength as a single mom, it really puts wind in my sails to realize that I am fighting for a healthy home for our children. Not only is it "better" than staying, I think is our parental duty to leave these people and try to become the most healthy, sane, people we can be. Because to a great degree, we're IT. malloryforest, I am VERY familiar with that "Love Show". It is very nausea-inducing, huh? To try to balance out the appearance of that show, I have prepared numerous statements of past events as well as things written in his own words that illustrate STBX's real self, should this go to court (and I'm sure it will). But that only goes so far. Courts like to think that sure, he may have been a total piece of used toilet paper in the past, but now he's come to his senses and knows what he's been missing, and he's willing to step up and be this great parent - who are you, you petty, vindictive b*tch to doubt his sincerity? So it's a fine line we have to walk, I think. So unfortunate that more is not known about these types of men.

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