messed up over a phone call
messed up over a phone call
I stayed with my boyfriend long after i could already see that things were hopeless because i somehow couldnt let go. I dreaded weekends with him, and his phone calls but kept seeing him and talking to him.Then a friend gave me an idea. He said, "Why dont you just take a 2 week break from him and let the fog clear a little?" I thought "sure, 2 wks isnt that long", so i did. I went through some ups and downs but was mostly doing okay.Then at the end of the 2 wks when he called, i told him that i still wasnt ready to see him.I guess this backing-off thing started more than a mo ago.
Then when his brother came to pick up his things that i had in storage, somehow i felt sad, because it represented closure.So i called and left a messege on his phone saying i with things werent like this between us, and that i was sad.He called later that night, said he was having a hard time too and happy to hear from me.He said maybe he would try to swing by and see me the next day.But the way he went on talking about what he's been doing in his life, and the way he sounded so casual about maybe dropping by set me off because he didnt sound desperate to see me.Also, he still wasnt saying sorry for anything.So i called, left another messege (he lost his cel but apparently is still able to check messeges) saying that im not ready for contact yet.I thought i was.....so i didnt hear from him and i was then okay. A week later he calls and says he wanted to know how i was doing.Funny thing though, he talks the whole time and after i say about 1 sentence, he says "okay, well i just called to see how your doing. ill talk to you later" (his ph calls are always like that). The phone call really messed me up somehow.He appologized for calling and breaking the n/c thing, then said at the end "I would like to call you every once in a while if thats okay". For some reason i said okay. Its been a week and he hasnt called. I dont know why this throws me off so much.Theres no hope for the relationship i know that, but this is so sad. And im glad he's okay cause when i first started to think about leaving him, i was worried about him. But now that it seems like he's fine, and not desperate to contact me (especially since its his fault the relationship died), i feel bad in a different way.I feel lost when i think of a future without him. But if he was to come over today, i think ide regret it within the first few minutes...this is sad and confusing.Why did that phone call mess me up? Im trying to figure out why, and how to undo it.We were so nice to each other on the phone, but maybe i shoulve been honest and said "this casual contact is not okay! This is sad! I wanted all or nothing! How could you be so indifferent and watch the relationship die?!"
There's an old but good
Deidre40
freedom 101
It's a process
Freedom101
Ruby..
they run and hide
Freedom 101
Indifferencesucks...
Freedom101
Freedom101