Melodie Phillips Story

My confusion?????

I am a 51 year old woman. People say I am good looking I am smart, thin and active. I fell into a relationship with a NC man 12 years ago. As usual in the beginning it was great. He was attentive, kind, loving, passionate etc. Then as time went on it just became obvious that he had a personality flaw. He had no friends, his co workers basically put up with him. He is an alcoholic to the point that he embarasses himself over and over. He even got drunk and made a rude comment to the wife of a president of his medical society. When we met he had just gotten out of a VERY BAD divorce. He said she gained weight and stopped taking care of him. Later I found out it was the weight only and that he never really loved her but he married her because he wanted kids. ANyway we had a falling out after 4 years as he was paying attention to another woman. I am not sure if there was any physical stuff going on and I could not believe him anyway. I left him and he came back crying telling me he loved me and wanted to work on it he was willing to go to therapy anything. I waited and gave it time but then dummy me went back. We did go to therapy and I learned a lot about his childhood and it was not pretty. After about 3 months or so he said he was not getting anything out of the therapy and said the money was not worth it. Now I know we were just hitting on things that he did not want to hear.
Things went on I was always hesitant.... I always had trust issues. He began pushing me to move it with him. We had always talked about it but I had a daughter (now 17) and the plan was to move in together when she was 18. That would have been 13 years together. Two months ago he brought it up again and I said well ok. I spoke with my daughter and she was fine with it as they had really began to form a great relationship. She and I made a plan to surprise him by moving in while he was away for two days and when he got home we would be there. that was suppose to happen on April 30.
I have to explain a bit about our relationship. I did ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING for this man. I cooked every bit of food he put in his mouth at home. I did his laundry, I cleaned his house I did his expense reports and ironed etc etc etc. He did nothing. We had gotten a credit card together and we had cars, and other things together. We had not lived together but we lived as a married couple. We used husband and wife when talking about each other. His family ADORED me they still do. His co workers began to see a man totally different than before he met me. His son is thankful for me because I initiated them working on a new relationship. I later found out that they did not speak because my partner had cheated on his wife (son's mother) and they feuded and stopped speaking. Anyway I could go on and on but I think you get the picture. I did everything and it was a HUGE struggle for him to do anything for me. He complained about money constantly and blamed a lot of it on me. He gave me a budget for each month which was perfectly fine for me and I NEVER went over it. He spent Hundreds of thousands of dollars on timeshare weeks and then blamed me for over spending on christmas this past year. I never took advantage of him if anything I was guilty that he helped me.
I had a very rare heart attack 2 years ago. He was my physician (ER) when I got out of ICU he told me he had almost lost the most important person in his life. Dummy me I believed him.
So time has gone on and I settled to the fact that he was never going to be the huggy kissy type of person. He is 65 and almost ready to retire so he kept telling me as soon as that happened we would have this fabulous life. I was patient.
He became really stressed as work became more and more difficult I stepped back and gave him some space. I went to his home on April 17 to bring him his dinner as I did always and he said I don't think I am madly in love. I said well if you mean that you don't have butterflies any longer I don't either. It's been 12 years for god sakes. Little did not Know that a mutual friend and he had connected on a business trip a month prior and she was my friend also. She is older overweight, unattractive, yellow teeth and dresses like an old maid. SHe also lives 2500 miles away. this does not make me feel better to talk about her like this but I think I am making a comparison. I am 5' 7" 115 lbs and have been told for my age I look amazing. I have a hard time believing this because my self esteem is in the toilet.
I left with only saying to him that I felt sorry for him and that he has only down hill to go because he will never find anyone who cared about him as much as I . He had two failed marriages and had no successful relationships that lasted more than about a year. I lasted 12 so not sure why. At 65 you would think he has his stuff together. NOT.
I have gotten my name off all the credit cards and accounts. I have everything out of his home got my own phone account etc. There is one thing I cannot get him to handle. It has been almost 6 weeks. He bought me a car last year and offered to make the payments while I was fighting with social security over my disability after my illness. (I am not disabled nor did I become disfigured or anything from being sick I have just a few limitations) I have the car and always have had the car. I asked him three times to sign the deed over to me and I will put it in my name and get it insured. He continues to avoid responding to me and this car thing keeps us connected and its not healthy for me. I have asked many people about this and most just tell me to let it go and move on. Let him make the payments and insure it and leave it alone. I have difficulty as there is still a sense of control there. He owns the car so I cannot allow anyone to drive it. My kids (all adults cannot drive it and I won't take the chance that some thing will happen.
So he is where I am. I went in one day to have dinner with him and walked about alone. After 12 years I am just perplexed. Any advice or help I can get would really be appreciated. I apologize for all the details but some was necessary to get the point across. I was used. I was taken advantage of. My family and his family won't speak to him any longer for hurting me as he did. My therapist says beware because she thinks he is coming back. She makes me rehearse what I am going to say so I won't get caught up in emotions. A forum to get me through this will really help a lot. Thanks for listening.