melia's story

My first time here

Hello everyone,

I found this site while I was reading everything that I could get my hands on while studying NPD. It has been a terrible unfolding for me. The realization that I began to face 6 months ago was like mourning a death and enlightning at the same time. It has been a long, sickening experience, one that I wish I could completely erase from my life. I sit here, 3 days after our FINAL breakup (there have been many) and struggle with not contacting him. My heart is rotting out of my chest. I can not figure out how to soothe myself. I am truly suffering.

I met him through one of my best friends. I was talking to him (my best friend) on FB 18 months ago, when his friend, my soon to be boyfriend, chimed in on the conversation. My friend told me that he was surprised he even said anything because he was usually the type of guy that was quiet and didnt mingle. Anyway, he introduced us, told him that I was one of the best people that he knew and never to hurt me, and so it began.

He came on strong, within 3 weeks, he was emailing me all day, telling me I was the love of his life, that he would always protect my heart, convinced me we would spend the rest of our lives together. I should have followed my gut about the shallowness of his actions, but I hung on and fell in love with him. I flew to Boston and we spent 3 wonderful days together. I was in a dream. I could not have been any happier. Everything was perfect emotionally, but during the last day, he ran out of money, said his payroll got messed up and he was not getting paid until Monday, that he was sorry and he was embarrassed to tell me. So, i paid for everything the last day I was there, including his gas. We stayed in a hotel, so I never got to see the apartment he said he lived in while I was there. It didnt matter. I was already in love with him. He professed his unconditional love for me before I flew back home and from that moment on, I could not live without him.

He was living with me in, in a different state, within 6 weeks. He came with his car (which I eventually found out was im his ex girlfriends name) and his clothes, all in plastic garbage bags. He told me he gave up his entire life to move with me, his apartment, that I never saw, his belongings, which I now doubt he ever had, and his 3 kids, from 3 different mothers, ages 13, 7 AND 3. He told me he needed me, that he has always been the driver in his relationships and he was worn out. He said he needed a break and he would in turn give me all of his love and be everything he claimed he was. I am blessed to make a very good living, so I agreed to give him the time to mend his heart whil I pushed on, being responsible for everything on my own and catering to his "wounded soul".

He began to have financial demands that were starting to bother me. He wanted to buy these expensive shoes to add to his collection. It was a ridiculous collection of shoes for a man his age, late 30s..but he got tnem out of me. His very next purchase was an 800 watch. I will stop there because I am sure you get the idea. I started having money problems that I never had before. He never went to work for over a year, playing the "Im a victim of the economy' until I got him a job through a friend. I sold my car at his insistance, to save money because we still had "his" and we could share the car. His ex one day found out about me about 6 months imto our relationship and she flew in to get HER CAR. There we sat, no car taking the subway to work and everywhere else. We had to move to a smaller apartment as well to save money which in itself was not a problem. I was just loosing everything around me and I could not understand why. Long story short, before i knew it not only had I lost my material possessions but all my friends, includimg our mutual friend that introdced us. He was trying to alienate my children as well, saying we need our privacy. We are both in our late 30s but I have grown children as I was a young mother. I have kids that are 19 and 21. My children are everything to me, my life and my heart and he felt threatened by them.

The rages started when I wasnt paying enough attention to him. He demanded I be in his presence every moment that I was not at work. He called me 2 to 3 times per hour, texted me constantly, and emailed me all day. When I got home, he demanded my full attention. He would become very angry at phone calls I would get that were interfering on his time. He would have the attitude from hell if the kids stopped by. The rages were always bad and always over situations you would never expect to cause someone anger. They were screaming, frightening fits, totally disproportionate to the reason that he was even raging. I was never close enough, never affectionate enough, never good enough. How dare I even consider there was someone in the world other than him, how evil was I that I would talk to my children or friends. I gave him EVERYTHING and it was never enough. I was the same loving, giving person as I was when he moved there, but according to him, i was changing and falling short everywhere.

I found out he was delinquent on all 3 children for support. He was facing legal action, lost his drivers license and had his account frozen by 3 different states. I found out he never held the jobs he said he had, never owned anything that wasnt provided to him by women and he had lost all parental rights to his second child. His claims of his pat accomplishments were overly exaggerated, I never met one member of his family and I caught him in many lies. I dont think he was cheating though, maybe im naive, its just that he never went anywhere without me and he was my shadow. It seemed like he was obsessed. I was never without him, he never had to account for any time as we were literally, always together, so much so that I felt suffocated and completely controlled. He even sat at my nail salon with me. You name it, he was there. He seemed to have these crazy fantasies about perfect love. Romeo and Juliet almost, he compared our life together to movies that depicted great loves. It was so strange. I cant explain it. The abuse was the strangest I EVER EXPERIENCED.

He left me while I was on a business trip. I came home and found no evidence of him. The next thing I knew the phone calls started, the raging, blaming me for everything, begging me to come to his hotel room where he was now living and when I did not comply, the vicious name calling and ensued, the blame game never ended. If only I had been better to him, if only I didnt leave, if only I were more attentive, he would have never left. All according to him.

I had to remind him of the times he broke off our engagement via text while I sat im the hospital because I could not answer the pnone wnile getting an xray, or breaking off our engagement and taking the ring off my finger because I was 5 minutes late picking him up for work or threatning to leave me because I went to the grocery store with my daughter. It was about him all the time. I became exhausted. I was always sad, confused, felt abused and bewildered, not being able to actually put my finger on it, the feeling I still cant explain. I have left out a few thousand abusive stories, if I included everythimg, this would be the size of War and Peace. So many heartbreaks, so many tears.

Here I sit struggling because I havent had contact with him for 3 days. I am completely sick and empty and the heartache is almost unbearable. All that I can do is pray that I get through this. One day at a time.