maypop's story

Maypop, I am trying to be sensitive to your feelings, but at the same time tell you that he will not change, it will NEVER get better, maybe worse, and while you may have what appears to be happy moments, they are only fleeting. You did not mention intimacy---something a narcissist can not have, never mind empathy. I am concerned at what you said, "I don't really take it personally if he doesn't think I look good enough or aren't doing something to his expectations." That line is so compelling to me. Why should you not take it personally? You have been with this man for twenty years, of course you take it personally, it's just that after this length of time, you push it down, deep down inside of you. What you are doing is living in your "comfort zone," regardless how dysfunctional that comfort zone is. While you have found out the "title" for this dreadful disorder, it really hasn't and won't change anything if you decide to stay with him, it may become even more frustrating. But, you are the one to make that decision. If you want to stay with your husband of twenty years, knowing he cannot change and will not change, then that is only your decision, not ours here. To me, you appear to have given up on yourself. You should be asking yourself, "What do I deserve?" I was devastated when I left my husband. I was married twenty-three years, and had two sons. I went through HELL. I had both husband/family inflicted and then self-inflicted guilt; my entire family betrayed me, but somewhere inside of me, I had reached my end. Only you will know if and when you have reached yours. Good luck to you---and I can't say it enough, you should really consult a therapist for your own well-health.

The answer to your initial question: NO. sorry but NO. Mid level? My exNH was 'mild' according to Nina Brown. Here's what my therapist told me. This Cluster B pathology? Is a one way street. They can't be cured or even get 'a little better' but they can and do get worse over time. They move farther up the Pathology-scale, especially when they have someone willing to "try" to "stay with them". Please read the Boiling Frog analogy on abuse: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/09/30/boiling-frog-analogy-abuse-victims then read these, please: http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/03/how-pathological-is-too-pathological.html http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/09/illusion-of-management.html http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/15/toxic-hope It's your call. For me, I simply cannot support someone sticking around to cause themselves more damage, heartbreak and depression. I tried to stay. I won't get into what's going to happen. I had to make the only choice I could make. I could not be someone's Echo. That's all I'll say. I can't support or be a cheerleader to try to help you stay. I have to be honest. And I doubt many of the members here will either... just so you know up front. You can hang on to the toxic hope from what you read into what Nina Brown said.... but in the end, it's your call. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help

HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you're in serious denial to even consider it. READ: http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/03/how-pathological-is-too-pathological.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.