Marriage Proposal/Caught Cheating/ They NEVER Change!

Hi Girls! As you can see I am an 'old timer' from over 2 years ago. That was actually when I began my long journey to heal from the relationship with my Narcopath. I read and stayed close to this website, especially in those early months, even before I left him. The support and information I got here helped me get strong enough to change my life. I have made friends from this board and we talk and text each other almost daily as we continue to heal and get our perspective/spirit/lives back...I used to go by 'The Girlfriend of Dr. Jekyl', but cannot log in as that as I can't seem to find the password, or retrieve it. I do not know how to change my profile name here...but just so you all know I am definitely the EX-GF...for GOOD...

I haven't contributed here for at least a year, but wanted to write because I think perhaps my story can help others.

If you don't remember my story, I will try to find the link here so you can read it, rather than recount everything in one post...too much. It's in the story section under
The Girlfriend's Story.

Anyway, I left him over 7 months ago, moved over 3,000 miles away to a beautiful place. I had girlfriends and family, and a job waiting for me, and have had support and was healing and feeling strong and happy. I was completely NC for several months, though he called repeatedly, then one day I actually turned off my old cell and tossed it 'overboard' :-) . I blocked him from everything, and he did not know where I went when I left him. One morning he leaves for work....and by night he came home to find me GONE! Yes!!!, and I felt so proud of myself for getting away. It was hard as you guys know we often leave them repeatedly and in 'baby steps'...until we have had enough and are truly able to just DO it and save ourselves.

Well, my Narcopath does NOT like being left. You all know how they are. This drives them crazy with a capitol 'C'. My business partner and I have a website for our company here and he found me via the website and called me with a blocked number on my birthday after 3 months of me being NC. I answered the phone bc I didn't know it was him. I was in the middle of a meeting with a client so I had to keep my decorum, so I was polite and businesslike. But I DID tell him when he called again later after work, to NEVER call me again and hung up. Of course, he did not listen, once they think they have gotten their toe in the door, they do the big HOOVER maneuver relentlessly...and slowly over several months he wore me down by being putting on his Prince Charming persona.

I said to myself that I would NEVER in a million years fall for it again...but I did. After awhile, when they are 'oh SO nice and use their crocodile tears and pull out all the stops...it can be hard to resist them...even after all you have learned and how far you have come.... (never allow them to even get their stupid toe in the door...slamm it shut...never open it again!!!)

Long story short, 3 weeks ago he came all the way here on a jet to 'visit' and even proposed marriage. He stayed for the week. We went on a day cruise, site-seeing, out to dinner, hiking, traveled a little together, snuggled and watched TV together, went for walks held hands, cuddled at night. He was sweet, but not overly attentive. One of the days that he was here he was irritable and mocked my voice angrily when I didn't know the directions to a place we were trying to find. But then apologized profusely claiming he was 'so sad' to have to leave the next day and this was weighing heavy on his mind....yeah...sure...

Here's the big warning to all of you gals! They NEVER NEVER change. I was confused as to why a true Narcopath would make that kind of effort...to fly over 3,000 miles to come see me, professing love and a future and fancy apologies, begging for just 'one more chance'...I had begun to think that I had been 'wrong', that perhaps he HAD changed, or maybe he was just a 'jerk' before and not a true Narcopath. He had even enlisted his ex-wife and others to tell me how changed he was and how much that even THEY believed he loved me and was very sincere. He had been telling his family, friends and even his kids that we would be getting married in the future. When he was here, we had fun, but I honestly had become quite detached and wary nevertheless. There was no 'great sex'...it was the same as before...there wasn't much romance...just the bare minimum he could get by with to keep me hooked (carrots & crumbs) They are SO unbelievably convincing and persuasive...and he even had me believing him....well ALMOST!!!

He talked of marriage as if it was a given and a done deal the whole time he was here. We even looked at rings while he was here at his insistence and said next time we see each other he wanted us to pick out a ring together. (I truly didn't think he meant any of it...and I wasn't really into it as I still did not completely trust him...with good reason)

Well, when he left, we said our good-byes at the airport. He wanted me to promise to spend 2 weeks in July on vacation with him where he is. When he got back home he called me everyday, sometimes twice...and sent 5-7 sweet emails a day....for a week...before they started tapering off...

And guess what?!!! Last Saturday he sends me an email about how much he loves me and misses me...and by afternoon I found his profile that he had just created on Plenty of Fish singles site...looking for a 'long term relationship that will end with marriage' and chatting with other potential gals as usual...keeping his 'options open' as he always did, lying cheating pond scum!...he had never stopped through our entire relationship, alway lied, cheated and had become abusive to me towards the last 2 years we were together...Needless to say, when I found out, I sent a final and semi cruel email that said firmly" it was absolutely OVER, that I met someone else, that he had nothing to offer me that I wanted or needed...and to never contact me again". I blocked him on everything I could from FB to emails...cried and sobbed and beat my pillow for a few days this week and felt ever so stupid for EVER EVER allowing him to hypnotize me with his charm into thinking the fantasy was possible again somehow...

Now I am on the mend and back on track. Not too much damage was done, thank God! But he didn't think I would catch him (I have become a Private Investigator BC of him...for REAL, Yes, I AM licensed and this IS what I do :-) I can only imagine what would happen to my healing spirit if he had been able to take me back down that yellow brick road...all mesmerised by his spells, all giddily happy, and merrily believing in him and 'us' while he tossed me a few carrots and crumbs from a distance for awhile....(as long as it took for him to find and secure my replacement)...and then one day he would've up and dumped ME to get back at me for ever leaving him and then run off with either "Miss QT, or 'PinaColada', or Miss Quasimodo to Paris for their dream honeymoon.

I think that was his vengeful plan for my leaving him. He had been extremely angry when I had left him. It was either his plan for a little revenge, or he just wanted to see if he could get me back for his supply, this time at a long distance and keep me on a string while having his cake and eating it too. I don't know, and actually I no longer care...I am finally getting to indifference...the best place to be so they have no hold on you anymore.

He has called endlessly every single day since I said the final 'good-bye'. He left me a message just once though. He knew I had caught him (the creative way I let him know is another story...kinda funny, kinda sad) He claimed the profile that he had created on the singles site was done as a 'gag'. He doesn't know that I know about all his other ones on other dating sites. He is pathetic....and as I am writing this here, he has actually called me 3 times...I did not answer, and NEVER will again. No interest at all. Still hurts...but do not want this idiot in my life ever again...as he will NEVER NEVER NEVER change into a healthy man with a good character. He can only fake those things...and now only in shorter and shorter bursts...before he is back to lying, cheating and being very abusive...

So girls, the moral of the story is don't ever think they NEVER come back...or are willing to go to extreme lengths to be convincing and try to persuade you to come back and believe they have changed. Some of them go really far...and give the appearance they are willing to make huge sacrifices in time and money to prove themselves...and go the distance...in the end...all you will learn is that they are what they are and always will be...and they are all the same...Stay strong and stay NC girls!