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Makes me Feel Sick

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#1 Jan 18 - 9AM
JRB123
JRB123's picture

Makes me Feel Sick

I am in NC and haven't spoken or emailed for about 3 months but think about it everyday. Just before Christmas I unfriended him on facebook which was where the whole crap started. I also decided not to speak to him at all (even politely) when I see him on the school run. Well last week he walked right behind me, parked outside my house and also sidled up beside me as I was walking and he said hello. I barely grimaced at him and quickly turned away and spoke to someone else. He has joined the parents association at the school and guess what? he is the only man to do so - so he is in his element surrounded by mums who think he's fab. Also he has now set up a facebook group for parents (which I have not been invited to). Him as the admin with 30 women like it's his fanclub!! Also he comments all the time on my good friends status so I still know what he is up to. He makes me feel so sick. Why do I still think about him all the time? Worst thing he is married and so am I. It was luckily only an online emotional manipulation whereby he d&d'd me and played very nasty games (all via facebook - nothing real ever happened thank god!). He was like a cyberpath.I had been with a N before in my 20s and thought I was wiser. But he came out of the blue and turned things upside down. Because he was another parent and a cop I thought he was ok just to be friends with him but then it all escalated. Now I feel so socially anxious and on high alert on the school run. I also hate how everyone thinks he's the great guy. I can't say anything which is perhaps why I was targetted. Just finding it a little hard to handle today and school run is in 20 minutes.

Jan 19 - 6AM
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Block him

Block him on FB, don't just unfriend him. If you block him, you won't see when he posts on your friends' walls so you won't know what he is up to. He won't be in your FB face so to speak. Also, and this is the best part, he won't be able to see anything you post either. You will just drop off the face of the FB earth to him. And if you keep ignoring him on the playground he will eventually just move on to easier targets. They're lazy, and won't work too hard to get you if he has others to give him that supply.
Jan 18 - 1PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

What is a "school run"? It

What is a "school run"? It sounds like you have to be exposed to that pathogen on a daily basis??? OMG, I'm so sorry. Reading your description of how he is and what he is doing makes me want to puke, too. He's just gathering "supply" around him like a magnet and iron filings. It truly is disgusting :(
Jan 19 - 7AM (Reply to #6)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Sorry :(

I agree with MsV, block him so you can't see his comments on your friends page. That will help you, he is just a sick man. He is a cop (not surprised) he is married (his wife is living a nightmare) and he is a supply seeker. Walking around looking for woman to stroke his ego in the schools. Ugh, I have seen HIS TYPE before. Actually a good sweet friend of mine is married to ONE of these men. She is staying and denying the facts, her health has suffered. Her career is in the dumps and she looks like hell. I reach out to her as much as I can but if she allows denial, I cannot support that. She WILL come around, she will call me soon and say, "alright I am ready, let me have it." I never give her advice, I never comment on HIM. I listen to her, hug her and tell her when she is ready I have a lot to share with her. I could tell by her face, she will call eventually. It's not JUST the wife I feel for, it's all the Mom's at the school, especially single ones! This man needs his cover blown. How terrible he got inside your head honey. Take MsV's advice, she is so right about the blocking....
Jan 18 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
prettypeeved
prettypeeved's picture

School Run

School run = taking the kids to school. Yep, he's just after attention. It drives you crazy when you see how other people think he's so charming and wonderful and special. However, narcs are not infallible and when his mask slips they'll start seeing him for what he really is. It's only a matter of time.
Jan 18 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
JRB123
JRB123's picture

Thanks

Thanks for your support. Our kids are in the same class so we see each other in the playground most days. I feel so bad about it all. I've been with my husband for 12 years and never even thought about other men, even though we've had our ups and downs. Then this man comes along (albeit with false words and games) and now I just feel so rubbish/guilty and can't believe I was sucked in like that. I'd met a N before in my 20s and I had a kind of breakdown with anxiety and depression. Thought I knew the warning signs but this recent one really tricked me. I'm now in my 40s and from what I've read alot of cyberpaths seem to prey on women in their 40s who are often married - maybe we're abit lonely and vulnerable. I will get over it as it was only an online thing but I just don't understand the motivation of someone to play games - why? One big warning about both of the Ns I met was that they both seemed to like exactly the same things as I did or had the same hobbies - I've since discovered they just find out what you like, then pretend they do too to make you believe you've found this amazing person you've got loads in common with. Last night I stumbled accross a pick up artist website about 'The Rules' for men wanting to meet women and it made me feel ill. It was all about lies and tricks to get women in to bed. I've got 2 daughters and I hope with all my heart they never meet any N men.
Jan 18 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

How angry are you at the

How angry are you at the gall of this loathsome individual?? It seems to me that if you allowed yourself to be royally PISSED OFF at him, it would buffer the discomfort you feel when you are stuck anywhere near him. First though, if you are anything like me, you have to wade through the anger at yourself and forgive yourself :( I wasn't married to someone else (and all the anger at myself that would have come from that) but I was still appalled and disgusted with myself beyond words. What happened to you was that you were targeted and hooked in by manipulativeness and mindf*ckery that you cannot begin to understand. Even the happiest married woman, with no personal "issues" or whatever else you might think would make her vulnerable, will get hooked in. The ones that get hooked in the fasted are either complete innocents of Narcs in general, or are highly empathic and generous natured, very receptive and quick to trust. All of these are either neutral or very lovely characteristics. You were fooled and "had" and bamboozled. You didn't even go as far as most who have the same story to tell :( He is a human predator. What you did "wrong", in comparison, is a bumble bee fart compared to the destruction and havoc this man has had, and will have on others. Get pissed off, okay :D ?? Work on understanding yourself and NPD, and you will grow to forgive yourself. You were a TARGET. And then, get pissed :D . That is the most appropriate response.
Jan 19 - 2AM (Reply to #4)
JRB123
JRB123's picture

Thanks

Thanks for your understanding reply. It really helps. I have been feeling more angry about things. I wasn't at all attracted to this man in any way at all before this happened. Then I did become attracted to him (even though I now realise what he was about was false). I need to get over that. I think it's abit of the cognitive dissonance making me obsess too. What my head is saying doesn't match up with how I'm feeling, it's hard make sense of it _ my head can understand how vile he is yet I still think of him. I can feel the anger taking over too with him and myself. I am generally a very non confrontational person and very rarely get angry at anyone. My action plan is to avoid him in every way possible. Thanks again. This forum has been so helpful. I'm on it every day at the moment and it really helps in keeping strong.