LOVE... LOVE... LOVE... Will I Ever Find Mine?

9 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Feb 12 - 5PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

LOVE... LOVE... LOVE... Will I Ever Find Mine?

by Sandra Brown, MA

I don't know... can you:

~Stop focusing on him?

~ Be willing to manage your intrusive thoughts of him?

~ Redirect your obsessions from him to your own self care?

~ Create a full life so you aren't lonely?

~ Build a foundation of support that doesn't include 'having to be' in a relationship?

~ Learn to find fulfillment in activities that don't only include intimate relationships?

~ Acknowledge & Treat your symptoms of anxiety, depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

~ Heal your sexuality?

~ Embrace spirituality?

~ Learn to be attracted to guys who aren't proverbial bad boys?

~ Dig deeply to see what all your relationships have in common so you don't repeat the pattern?

~ Memorize what pathology is and stop looking for loopholes?

~ Take one year or maybe even two years OFF from dating to nurture all those places in you that are wounded and broken?

~ Will you take time to learn what your trait proclivities are (read 'Women Who Love Psychopaths') so you know how to safe guard yourself in the next relationship?

~ Seriously UNDERSTAND how your traits and his traits are a magnet to each other?

~ Realize YOU ARE ENOUGH FOR YOU! If another relationship DOESN'T come along... you will survive. If you're really determined, you'll even THRIVE.

~ Get grounded -- sink your feet into the earth of your soul and declare you'll never be uprooted again... no matter what -- you're grounded in you and reality -- not fantasy.

~ Be willing to challenge old belief systems, old assumptions, old patterns, old references.

~ Most of all...can you LOVE yourself?

Valentines Day is coming... you've fallen in love with all sorts of things and people... you've fallen in love with illusions, with dreams, hopes, and pathology.

It's time to fall in love with you!

I know who you are... you know why? Because after all that research we know EXACTLY who you are -- you deeply attach and love, you are loving to the 9th degree, loyal, trusting, sensitive, and very invested in relationship happiness. You're a TERRIFIC woman that any NORMAL man would be blessed to have.

No one is alone today on Valentines Day. We stand hand in hand, bridging the gap for each other -- connected and bonded by a sorority of shared experiences, pain, and yet hope. If you need a hug for Valentines Day, there are plenty of cyber hugs floating through here.

Learn to love you. Nothing happens and no one else does until you do. Give to the world that part of yourself that is so rich and deep. There are lots of ways to be loved -- be loved by giving back, by reaching others. Valentines Day is for lovers.

Be the lover of your own soul. We celebrate that with you...

http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com

May 28 - 5PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Taking care of yourself

After the D&D, when I told my ex-N I was wishing him well with the OW (it was what I wanted in closure--for me to wish him well, and vice versa)... which of course,caused him to go into a Narc rage, he said, "Don't think about me. Think about yourself" (or something to that effect) Yes, after the D&D, after moving to another state... I had to learn to start taking care of myself. It's a long healing process. It's difficult for someone you've invested yourself emotionally for 4 years to be telling you to completely forget about them, to act as if they never existed.
May 28 - 10AM
GIJ
GIJ's picture

Great Checklist

I keep printing these out and hanging them around. Great roadmaps. Thanks for reposting.
May 27 - 10PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

LOVE... LOVE... LOVE... Will I Ever Find Mine?

READ TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 28 - 9AM (Reply to #2)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

This is exactly where I am

This is exactly where I am today. I have went from a bad relationship to a toxic relationship to the ultimate disasterous relationship without even coming up for air. I am addicted to love. The problem is I never felt complete without someone else validating my existance. This has brought great pain and sorrow in my life. Its time I learn to love myself. I want to get to know the person I have avoided all these years. The journey is long and sometimes painful but I'm worth it today. I owe this to my soul that has been neglected for so long.

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

May 28 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
smileyfacepr
smileyfacepr's picture

betty2020

thats exaclty where I am also, learning to love myself!! And not ever neglect myself again!

smileyfacepr

May 28 - 8PM (Reply to #4)
hope4me
hope4me's picture

love myself

I think this is the point many of us are at. Sometimes it is a lonely place but a necessary place to go. I never put myself first, never thought of myself as worthy, now I am trying to change that. It is hard to go from being beat down to loving yourself. I hope we can all get there someday, maybe even be ok to be by ourselves. God willing.
May 28 - 8PM (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

self love

Being there by oneself is WONDERFUL! Peace... no one criticizing your choices... etc. we do not HAVE TO HAVE a partner we do not HAVE TO BE in a relationship we do not HAVE to find someone WE are our own soulmates And unless you get here - you will never be a good partner for anyone. So first, be a good partner TO YOURSELF. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 28 - 9PM (Reply to #6)
hope4me
hope4me's picture

self love

Thanks and so true. For me I am coming to realize I DO NOT have to have a partner, or be in a relationship but what I miss is friendships. Most of the friends we had were his friends and their wives so they all went with him. I never realized hthat until it happened, that everything revolved around him. I have joined a few groups to try and make friends but it never seems to pan out. Most are married and committed to family. I guess the loss of friends is what I mean by lonely. Just don't know where to begin to meet people.