LostandFound's Story

I met my exN 2 years ago and, like many, I met him on a dating site. I had taken a break after leaving a very stressful job and I was working on myself in order to find a new career path and personal path. Being a strong, passionate, opinionated woman I wanted a man who knew himself and what he wanted and could stand beside me. Along comes the N and his emails were witty and to the point and had bits and bobs of things that I could relate to.

We set to meet but he had an on the job injury - snapped achilles tendon - and he was in a cast. Now I decided to just visit him at home as we had emailed for a few weeks and spoke on the phone often. I also thought he's in a cast so I can outrun him. When I got to his flat he was in his robe and white shorts and that was it. He was 50 but an ex bodybuilder so very fit and, to me, very good looking. I walked in and the chemistry was amazing and within the hour, much to my embarrassment, we went to his bedroom. The sex was good, not great but it was many hours and lots of fun. That started what I now label the knight in shining armour phase. He was already saying he loved me, wanted to be with, I was perfect. He text me everyday 10-15 times a day. We spoke many many times a day. He was amazingly attentive but he told me he had a blood condition and he could die at any moment. He showed me the description of the blood condition and I looked at it and saw that it existed because he took steroids throughout his bodybuilding career. It was a real disease and he really had it but who cared? I would be with him.

Within 3 months he wanted me to move in with him and he had skyped my father in my home country and asked for my hand in marriage.

Fast forward - He has accused me of cheating on him each time I go to see my friends. He will use the silent treatment and then send texts that hinted he was going to commit suicide he was so depressed. I constantly felt like I had to save him but I stopped seeing my friends as it caused so much conflict between us. He didn't have many friends tho he acted like the whole town was his best friend. The truth was he has slept with 75% of the women in town in a certain age group.

As time went on he constantly did the following: (I am sure most of the people on here experienced many of these)

1. Lied to females about his relationship status
2. Had all his ex's phone numbers still in his phone just in case
3. Caught him on singles sites months into our relationship
4. Asked a female acquaintance of mine out for drinks and when she told him to f*ck off he told me how she bad mouthed me so I wouldn't speak to her
5. Caught him having cybersex with a female on FB
6. Bad mouthed his ex's - they were all crazy
7. Found out he was deep in debt and I foolishly believed him when he said he would pay me back.
8. Made racist comments all the time
9. Broke the law when it suited him
10. Expected everyone to live as he would not as they could
11. Had a fantasy life of ogling television women and commenting on them and saying they had been over but left when I walked in.

When the end finally came he pulled me down off my proverbial pedestal and crashed me to the ground mentally and emotionally - he never laid a hand on me. He didn't need to.

He told me I was fat (before I was perfect) he told me I condescending and rude (before I was smart and wonderful) he told me I smelled and was dirty (he was OCD about personal hygiene and cleaned himself at least 4 times a day).

2 months later he came back saying he truly loved me and those other women meant nothing and we should try again. I told him what I needed and he did NONE of what I needed to even begin to trust him again. 2 weeks in I dumped him and went No Contact. 2 weeks after that he called me up and accused me of hacking into his email and facebook page and said he had gone to the police. He wanted a reason to tell everyone how I was the victim and that is what he chose.

FYI - he never bought me an engagement ring; we never moved in together as he found reasons for it to never happen; he owes creditors the equivalent of $75000 and as it he owes me the equivalent of $10000 but I will write it off as the price of getting rid of him. He has left me broke but I don't care. I am 5 month NC and getting stronger every day. He threatened to ruin my life but I have so much on him he has removed himself from FB and now he isn't stalking me anymore.

Eventually I will have enough to move far far away and never have to see anything that reminds me of him.

That's my story.