Losing my best friend- need advice!

Greetings!

I have been involved with a Narc before and am familiar with the signs. I also got out and was blessed to marry a man who loves me and not just himself. I am writing this because I fear my friend is in trouble. We've been BFs for over a decade, and she has moved from being a vibrant, powerful person to a submissive, fearful, and generally unhappy person. Everyone around her can see the change, but she can't and keeps telling us that she is in love and has a good thing.

I saw the red flags early. His ex left him because she was "crazy." He had another girl he "loved" who cheated in him because she was "insane." With my friend, after dating for a few months, she had still not met his friends or family. He makes excuses to avoid meeting her family. When her birthday came around, he bought her a gift on the first go-round (which was unwrapped and still in the store bag), but has not given anything since, partially because he picks fights when big events come up. They've been together nearly three years and he has made no sign of wanting anything from her. In fact, she makes a big deal when he calls her and they see each other only when he has nothing better to do with his friends or family. She will and has cancelled plans and left engagements early because he calls.

This year has been the worst. She drives to him constantly... it is never reciprocated even though he has a nicer car. She has put thousands in car repairs into her car, and when her tire blew out in a snowstorm, she called me to help her out... he was not around. When she had her appendix out, he never visited her and actually picked a fight over her expectations. My husband has been called to her house to do things HE should be doing for her. She will not ask him because he would make a stink since he hates dependent people.

Then he faced a personal crisis and took it out on her. He told her he could not put anything into the relationship and that he needed to focus on himself. She told him that he did not need to do anything for her because of his bad time. This was a big mistake, but he guilted her into it... "You'll leave me just like the others, etc etc". During this bad time, he bashed her religion, her politics, and her desire to go back to school (a dream she has since dropped). When all of her friends finally got a chance to meet this guy and all he did was pick fights with us. She has dropped a male friend of hers because he did not like him and because he never wanted to see him again. In the past two years since we met this guy, I can count on one hand how many times I have seen her for an extended period of time. He did not like me very much, it seems. He does not seem to like anybody. When we invite them to dinner, his response to her is that they do not need anyone else and she winds up dropping her invite to spend time with him. He has never said "I love you." EVER... he claims that is "not his way." My friend used to be the biggest romantic ever, and I cannot see why she has sunk so low to accept this sort of thing.

Valentines day came and went with no presents, no call, no nothing. She cried to me for over an hour about this because he picked a fight and claimed that she was being selfish because he did not "do" that holiday. The next day, he sent her a text message and all was well again.

Now things are getting dangerous. She wants to move in with him because he claims he "needs help" with the mortgage. She has applied for other jobs closer to him, has told her boss she might be leaving, and is asking for alternative scheduling to help ease her commute. We are in the midst of layoffs and she is putting herself at risk by giving the impression that she has her eyes set elsewhere. Problem is that it is hard to find jobs in our field and since she did not go back to school, she will have it even harder. He is, of course, giving her crap for not getting a better paying job yet. It will likely never happen!

I feel like we as her friends should have an intervention with her, but whenever we question things about him, she gets defensive and mean. Lately, she is taking an attitude with everyone... every little thing at work becomes personal and she acts all "I'm the best... whatever!" and is reluctant to work as a team. I think she is taking a superior attitude because she knows her co-workers have been making fun of her because of her relationship and maybe, she knows, deep inside, that something is wrong.

I plan to order Lisa's book and mail it to her anonymously in hopes she'll see herself in the stories. But I feel I need to do more.... does anyone have any advice? I am at my wits end!