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Lola1111's story

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#1 Jun 1 - 10PM
Lola1111
Lola1111's picture

Lola1111's story

in love with an image

He moved in with me last August 2009. He made me breakfast and dinner for me and treated me so nice. We watched movies at home and the theatre, worked out, went to the beach and went out to dinner often. Everything was great. Then one day he got really irritated with me about a phone call I got and he went crazy on me. He grabbed me with both hands and shook me. He screamed at me. He pushed me up against the wall and the curtain rod fell on me. He then called the cops and asked to send a peacekeeper over? The cops came and they ended up asking him to leave and take his belongings with him. He started calling me again and after a week he convinced me that I overeacted and caused everything. but in my head I started wondering if what he was telling me about his life was true. He told me he was a famous reincarnated yogi, he lived in a monastery in Tibet for 6 years, he has law degree and his PhD, is a kung fu master, he is also a minister of a church, wears a religious collar.

I ended up being at such a low point in my life I moved in with him into a new place in December. He paid for the deposit and all the rent. His mother and daughter came to visit for three months. Our relationship couldn't be better. He literally kissed my feet when he got out of the bed. He brought me water in the morning and then made me breakfast. He made lunch and dinner too.

He asked me not to work for three months and that he would pay the rent and for me to just relax. His mother, daughter and I got along great. Then one night I was talking to him about his daughter. He was wanting me to pretend that he had no money and that I was the one paying for everything in the household including her allowance.

I didn't understand this at all. It turned out to be a big fight. He started saying I was undermining him. He got into a rage and threw me across the room - I landed on my mac and the screen ended up being broken. I stayed in the bathroom for two hours. He ended up acting as if nothing happened. He had the screen fixed within a few days. and continued to make me dinner and treat me like a china doll.

I spoke to his daughter who admitted to me that she thought he had a mental illness. He told me how he feels he is above everyone, that he creates situations for his best interest, that he had been in trouble before. She even told me when he pretended he had been jumped by people and hurt himself to make the story seem more believable, that he was very mean to his wife Jan which eventually caused her to move out. A few days after I confided in her that he scared me with his rage she got on a plane and went back up north.

His mother left a few weeks later. then his relatives came in town, they seemed like the most normal people ever. they stayed for two weeks and left. They totally loved me. They told him not to let me get away. Now I wonder if that was part of the act. Are they in on it too?

then I noticed he started to seem distant. He would always tell me how much he loved me.

I started doubting myself. Maybe I am the one who is so insecure? Maybe I need to trust him. then he started getting into Star Trek online. He started playing 8-10 hour a day, I started feeling ignored and shut off from him. we quit having sex as often as we did.

I felt like he wasn't really there. If he wasn't playing Star Trek he was watching the series on tv.

we were at the grocery store one night, he had a basket filled with things. He set it down and I picked it up. He got mad and told me never to pick up a basket that he sits down again. He told me that it is like art and I am rung his work of art. He told me I was undermining him. I told him I did not want to be around him and he dropped me off and then went to his friends. He ended up calling an hour later and acted as if nothing ever happened. the next day I expressed to him I wasnt very happy about our relationship.

Then we started having problems with our condo. I had my name on the lease. His mother did also. But the condo management wanted him to put his name on the lease because he was a constant overnite visitor. He didn't want this and he told me from the beginning it was for credit reasons. He convinced me that the condo management had singled him out because we lived in a predominately gay community and we were not gay. I bought into it for a ittle bit.

Then I started asking him to just put his name on the lease. He refused. They wrote letters telling us that they would fine us daily if he did not submit to a background check and put his name on the lease. one morning as I was getting ready for work, I told him to stop writing letters to the condo management and for us to move. He went crazy. He raged. He started screaming at me. He chased me down our long hallway. He pushed me I feel. I tried to get up and he tackled me again. The skin off the side of my knee was gone. My right hand was scraped bad too. I ran for my life down to management. they called the cops. The cops came and then they questioned him. he lied and said I fell. They didn't arrest him. The officer was nice enough to help me get movers and get all of my furniture and clothes out and put into storage. He also warned me that he felt this guy is dangerous and even a restraining order would not be good enough. he told me I should leave, not press charges, and not worry about him retaliating against me.

so i moved out. He continues to call. He wants to know what happened. he convinces me to wriie a letter to management to let him back into the condo so he can get his things. I do this. now he still denies he did this to me. he says that I am making up the whole story. He says that he was trying to help me. i fell on my own.

while I was moving out I found numerous piles of legal case files. I also found that he does not have a PhD but a masters in art. He also had a strange collection of young girls photos all probably 7-10 years old. I found an article about him where he beat up his elderly father-n-law and tried to coerce him out of 85K but was arrested before he could collect.

anyway I am trying to get over all of this.

Jun 7 - 9PM
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

Lola1111, I am so sorry that

Lola1111, I am so sorry that you had to experience this. The fact that your sister is embarrased is really sad. It's hard when noone wants to believe you and tells you to "stop playing the victim". It is a very isolating thing.
Jun 8 - 8AM (Reply to #32)
Lola1111
Lola1111's picture

thank you neveragin5!! its

thank you neveragin5!! its great that we have the support of this forum.
Jun 3 - 12PM
Lola1111
Lola1111's picture

I'm so emotional today. I

I'm so emotional today. I was parked in front of the court house to get a restraining order and then my sister called. She didn't seem that she wanted me to file it. She said I thought you were putting this behind you. I started crying. I said "did you see my leg???" I'm trying to go on with my life and this is one way for me to do it." then she started saying how people at work were asking her about me. (we work together) she says"I don't think you should go around wearing that like a badge of honor, stop being a victim" I told her that I didn't want to lie to everyone when someone asked me I explained what happened, this was a few days after the incident occurred. I wasn't trying to be a victim, I didn't sound all pathetic when I told them what happened. I told them I learned a valuable lesson and now I have a big gash in my leg from this guy I lived with. I guess it bothers her that I have tarnished our image at work. I feel even more betrayed now. I ended up hanging up on her and leaving the courthouse parking lot without ever going inside. I feel so alone and I really feel like no one understands what I am going through. I can't just snap out of this and pretend I am fine. I am not fine. I'm not crying at work or anything.
Jun 6 - 5PM (Reply to #30)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Delete Your Sister

I am sorry. But, if this all really happened . . . your sister is not loyal. If you have a bruise & scrapes on your leg, then go to the police. Report the assault and battery, threats, & get photographs. Take out an RO if that is what you need to feel safe. And, this guy is really, really nuts! Listen to his story carefully. When his "dominant postion" is threatened, he snaps. A food basket in a grocery store can trigger him. Something's up with the lease. He's into financial cons, or debt, or something. You may not even really know his true name. He may be wanted for something. And, that he is a dream come true with the breakfast, etc. He's heavily into fantasy. Be careful. I'm sorry. The extremes of his mood swings are too much.
Jun 3 - 2PM (Reply to #19)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Lola1111

your sister is being abusive to you GET THAT RESTRAINING ORDER AND DON'T LISTEN TO HER - GO BACK TO THE COURTHOUSE FIRST THING TOMORROW and DO NOT ANSWER YOUR PHONE!!! http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/19/why-some-people-cant-just-move-or-get-over-it http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/07/02/when-your-friends-family-dont-get-it-about-narcissist this was NOT a normal relationship - he's a sociopath - there is no way you are going to just GET OVER IT get with a Trauma therapist for PTSD asap!!! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Jun 3 - 5PM (Reply to #20)
Lola1111
Lola1111's picture

thank you Barbara. Maybe

thank you Barbara. Maybe people think you can just "get over it" in a few weeks. I've been seeing this guy for over a year. I met him one year ago in March. I'd love to wake up and just be over it. But it's not so easy. I don't know if people realize how they manipulate you and maybe "brainwash" you. I was going through a lonely time when I first met him and I was honest about it. I was the "perfect victim" but now I feel even worse, I feel so empty. I feel like I made a huge mistake in ever moving in with him. what was I thinking? I keep remembering "red flags" that I totally ignored. I remember once when I asked him to leave and he refused. I was scared. then he ofcourse changed and made everything better. His motto "make everything better" I am amazed that he used to help abused women and children.
Jun 3 - 8PM (Reply to #21)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Lola1111

help abused women & children? Wow what EASY PICKINGS for him!! Help anyone? puhlleeeze - that's all an act! http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2009/01/controlling-others-vs-self-control.html GO TO THE COURTHOUSE TOMORROW & GET THE R.O. PROMISE ME and do NOT TELL ANYONE or look for validation - JUST DO IT!!! Post here once it's done. And start looking for a trauma counselor. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Jun 4 - 9AM (Reply to #22)
Lola1111
Lola1111's picture

wow my sister just sent me

wow my sister just sent me an email saying she thinks I have thyroid bipolar disorder.
Jun 4 - 1PM (Reply to #23)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Lola1111

DID YOU GO TO THE COURTHOUSE AND FILE THE R.O.??? your sister is NOT YOUR FRIEND, obviously. block her. WTF is thyroid bipolar disorder? NEVER heard of it. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Jun 4 - 10PM (Reply to #28)
Lola1111
Lola1111's picture

bipolar thyroid disorder

bipolar thyroid disorder http://www.squidoo.com/bipolar-thyroid-disease
Jun 4 - 10PM (Reply to #29)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Lola1111

you have PTSD... that's what's screwing up your hormones & making you seem biopolar GET HELP: http://ptsd.factsforhealth.org/help/searchclinic1.asp http://www.lisaescott.com/2010/03/02/ptsd-trauma-disorder-not-psychiatric-illness ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Jun 4 - 7PM (Reply to #25)
Lola1111
Lola1111's picture

I didn't go. I know I

I didn't go. I know I should've. I will go on Monday.
Jun 4 - 10PM (Reply to #26)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Lola1111

Do NOT look to your sister for approval - she's obviously not on your side... JUST GO FIRST THING!!!! he's DANGEROUS and post here immediately after ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Jun 4 - 10PM (Reply to #27)
Lola1111
Lola1111's picture

Yes I will do it. I was just

Yes I will do it. I was just thinking of something he told me. He told me that his friend, B, says that he makes all the girls crazy. and now I am one of them. He is telling everyone I am crazy. I deleted anyone that he knows off of my social websites. This girl he knows just commented on my page that she missed him and xoxo. It's really disgusting. I wish I could have amnesia and forget everything.
Jun 4 - 3PM (Reply to #24)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

LOL

"WTF is thyroid bipolar disorder".... had to laugh at that! I have thyroid disease, and I have no clue how being bipolar would relate to that, unless they are a separate issue. Everyone thinks they can DX others with info, when they have absolutely NO CLUE what we really are experiencing as victims of N's, S's, P's...I swear some people don't even want to know, it's too horrific to comprehend.
Jun 3 - 12AM
Lola1111
Lola1111's picture

question

do his relatives know something is wrong with him??? I mean they have to right? his daughter admitted to me something wasn't right. she said he seemed to create situations for himself and he felt he is above everyone else, god like, jesus like. but his mother- she told me she has never seen him violent or heard of him being violent. but there's clearly an article about him where he beat up his elderly father n law and tried to extort money from him. Is she in on it too? how could his aunts and uncles not know he is a pyscho???
Jun 6 - 5PM (Reply to #17)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Relatives

Well, his daughter knows. And, I bet his mother suspects something, that is, if she's not deranged as well. I also got hooked by my N with his family. The 2nd month we were dating his folks came from Europe & stayed with him for 4 weeks. We did everything together! I loved them. Then our 4th month dating, I went to their house in Europe & was their guest for 3 weeks. I left my N on 5/2/09. On 6/28/09, his parents came from Europe & stayed 6 weeks. They absolutely embraced the NW who had replaced me. Needless to say, they really had liked me. Especially the mother. SHe even asked somebody quietly at a party if the guest knew where I was & she said she was afraid her son had done something bad to me. So they know. But they are a family. It's their son.
Jun 6 - 5PM (Reply to #16)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Relatives

Well, his daughter knows. And, I bet his mother suspects something, that is, if she's not deranged as well. I also got hooked by my N with his family. The 2nd month we were dating his folks came from Europe & stayed with him for 4 weeks. We did everything together! I loved them. Then our 4th month dating, I went to their house in Europe & was their guest for 3 weeks. I left my N on 5/2/09. On 6/28/09, his parents came from Europe & stayed 6 weeks. They absolutely embraced the NW who had replaced me. Needless to say, they really had liked me. Especially the mother. SHe even asked somebody quietly at a party if the guest knew where I was & she said she was afraid her son had done something bad to me. So they know. But they are a family. It's their son.
Jun 3 - 6AM (Reply to #15)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Lola1111

relatives are often BLIND get out get out get out! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Jun 2 - 5PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Lola

I'm so so sorry this has happened to you. I'm new and can't really give much advise except to say I feel for you. It's blindsiding in the extreme. No one deserves what you have been through. I am thinking about and praying for you.
Jun 2 - 10PM (Reply to #13)
Lola1111
Lola1111's picture

thank you so much for your

thank you so much for your comments. I really need prayers and help. I am teetor tottering between being sad and then being angry and wanting revenge. I am amazed that I put up with what I did. thank you i will pray for you too.
Jun 2 - 10PM (Reply to #12)
Lola1111
Lola1111's picture

thank you so much for your

thank you so much for your comments. I really need prayers and help. I am teetor tottering between being sad and then being angry and wanting revenge. I am amazed that I put up with what I did. thank you i will pray for you too.
Jun 2 - 6AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Welcome Lola1111

- PLEASE go through ALL the pages on 'Message Board' as I have loaded it with articles and your questions have probably already been asked and answered many many times. Click through the pages and read what interests you. You'll get up to speed and learn a LOT. PLEASE do this BEFORE asking questions. - He sounds like a sociopath. You may have to get the police involved. Change your number and get a restraining order if you have to. - PLEASE read the stories of others. This alone is one of the most validating things you can do. Far too many become completely wrapped up in their own drama... which just makes it all worse. - PLEASE read through our WHOLE blog: http://www.lisaescott.com/blog - chock full of articles about Ns and healing. It will answer many questions before you ask them. PLEASE read the Rules prior to posting. Thanks - listen to our free radio show - archived at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim Remember this board is NEVER to be used as a replacement for therapy. Please find a therapist and start going if you feel the need for whatever level of PTSD he's given you ASAP! remember: YOU did nothing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Jun 2 - 10PM (Reply to #10)
Lola1111
Lola1111's picture

thank you Barbara. I will

thank you Barbara. I will finish reading it all. hugs.
Jun 2 - 10PM (Reply to #9)
Lola1111
Lola1111's picture

thank you Barbara. I will

thank you Barbara. I will finish reading it all. hugs.
Jun 2 - 4AM
ewa
ewa's picture

:(

I completely agree with Introspection. It is not basic N disorder in my opinion. It can be N disorder, but some other disorders is involved for sure. As we all know the disorders like to go together.He surely can try to black mail you and scare you but the only option is to block him from your life. Change your phone number,email...whatever you can and simply disappear. I can not express how much sorry you are that you are going through situation like this in your life. But please run..and do not look back!
Jun 2 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
Lola1111
Lola1111's picture

thank you. I can't change

thank you. I can't change my phone number i am a real estate agent. tonite he totally creeped me out and called and let it ring only once. he told a few of our friends that I am pyscho and that I freaked out and fell down. This really angered me. thank you.
Jun 8 - 12PM (Reply to #7)
ewa
ewa's picture

Lola

My exN called my psycho too. He called me this after we broke up. But with time i saw who the real psycho is. He still tries to contact me too. I also cant change my phone nr as i work in sales and many times my phone is fwd-ed to my mobile when i am out of office. Also we work in the same company, so really i can not totally block him. Why would my exN wanted to come back to the person he called psycho bitch? Answer is simple - he is psycho himself. I do not know if i did right thing, but after i read that many of N is telling bullsh*t to our friends i decided to pretend as i heard he is talking bad stuff about me and i told him if it happens again i will have no empathy and i will play the same way he is playing. When the friends will talk about it what N said about you, just pretend you don't really care and say that he must be angry that you have left him. Do not show emotions, just let it be and all will be fine i believe. And read read this forum as much as you can please..it really gave me so much power, i don't know what i would have done without reading and posting here. Everyday, whenever you have free time just read. And you will see everything in different light i hope!
Jun 1 - 11PM
Introspection
Introspection's picture

Hi Lola....

WOW!!! What an awful experience, I am so sorry that you went through so much. Are you still contacting him? If you are, you should stop. You should not let him find; based on your description of his behavior, he appears to be dangerous and you may get physically hurt. Are you in therapy now? If not, you should seek professional assistance. You should be VERY concerned for your safety!!! Do not ignore the symptoms, he is very sick. HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU!!! Don't think for a minute that you can fix him, he can not be fixed, there is no cure for sociopaths. If you haven't already done so, read about this condition. You do not deserve to be treated this way and you shouldn't put up with it. It was not your fault! Do use this forum for support. We have been through miserable experiences so we can relate to your situation. The inital phase of the breakup will be the worse, you'll need a lot of support...use this forum! Welcome and please do keep us posted.
Jun 2 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
Lola1111
Lola1111's picture

thank you introspection.

thank you introspection. yeah this is pretty miserable. I have to be grateful that I did get physcially hurt because if I hadn't I may not have left. I am concerned for my safety. I have told everyone I know what he did to me. I am not contacting him or answering his calls. I am so angry and hurt. I really would like revenge. but it looks like there's no way of doing that without jeopardizing my own safety. thank you.