Listen to Your Gut

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#1 Oct 20 - 12PM
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Listen to Your Gut

Always, always do this. Your gut will never steer you wrong.

Here's a story about what happened over the weekend. Went to a dinner party with friends, one who wanted to date me over the summer. There were many red flags, so I refused, saying I just wanted to be friends with him. At the point everyone left the dining room and we were alone. He suddenly started to criticize me about what I'd made. "This is awful," he said. "It has no flavor! Don't you taste the things you make before serving them to people?!" I told him that was a really rotten thing to say to someone. He then took some of what I'd made and said, "No, you'll see. Taste it!" I said I already had tasted it and that I liked it. He continued to literally try to shove the food into my face until I said, "REALLY??? SERIOUSLY!" and walked away. I later told him he was an asshole and that nobody makes me do anything I don't want to do.

I knew the guy was bad news from subtle clues, but that incident proved once again to me that my gut never steers me wrong. If you get a feeling you shouldn't date someone, don't.

Anyway, just wanted to share that since we all doubt our instincts from time to time. I'm putting in a real effort to always listen to mine.

Oct 21 - 6AM
Sea
Sea's picture

Oh yes! Totally 100% agree

Oh yes! Totally 100% agree listen to your gut feelings. As for the insensitive criticism, who with simple empathy would do that? Its food that someone has taken the time to made it. Regardless of how I dont like it, I will not say it. So awful to hear it! Well, my narcky did that all the time! I tried making the silly bread that his mum used to made and he said its too thick blah blah blah. I gave up. And its not even my culture to make that sort of food. Zero appreciation, ok, no more ever.
Oct 20 - 8PM
juliamarie
juliamarie's picture

It would be nice....

If all Narcs were so ridiculously transparent! This guy is a first class ASSHOLE! Most Narcs at least have the ability to wear a mask for the first few months when they are trying to woo you. This guy does everyone a favor by wearing a Narc flag on his shirt. If only they all did this...
Oct 21 - 6AM (Reply to #17)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

So funny and true!

Chef Boyarnarc (now his official nickname) comes with his own warning label. Like a biohazard sign on his forehead.
Oct 20 - 6PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Listen to your gut?? After

Listen to your gut?? After that you should have taken your dish aside, put some Ex lax in it ,given it back and said "you were right try it now I doctered it up".. Now whos gut would be grumbeling ?? Hunter
Oct 21 - 7AM (Reply to #14)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

If only I had some on me!

If only I had some on me! Note to self: Bring ex-lax brownie for Chef Boyarnarc to next dinner party. Ask with big brown doe eyes and sweet suck-up smile for his opinion. Sit back and watch the show.
Oct 21 - 8AM (Reply to #15)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Lobo

Teehee!!
Oct 20 - 6PM
ready2receive
ready2receive's picture

unsure if I can

It's been almost 2 months NC and the thought of having to listen to and trust my gut if I ever meet anyone and date again is sending me into a tizzy. Please tell me that I will see the signs and NOT ignore them this time. If I look back, I knew the very first conversation I had with my N...five years later and a wedding....I can't believe I ignored that little nagging voice. I'm old enough to know better, too! HELP...is it possible to date...even...fall in love after a N attack?
Oct 21 - 6AM (Reply to #12)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

I felt the same way!

I was so afraid my instincts would be there, but I'd brush them off, thinking I was paranoid. I now realize that the narc experience has made me cautious *and* more able to spot a narc. I refused to date Chef Boyarnarc who blasted me for what I made at that dinner party, and I'm glad I did. I also refused another date from a guy I met because something felt not quite right. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I couldn't make myself go, either. Instead of brushing off the feelings, I went with them. On the other hand, when I ran into my current boyfriend, Nebraska, things felt okay. Even my cat, who *hated* CharlieSheenWinning so much he bit his leg when he was getting into bed with me, likes Nebraska. He's totally relaxed and comfortable around him. Am I paranoid he's wearing a mask that will slip? Hell yeah. But I also know that if it does, I'll see it and I can bail. Mind open, eyes *wide* open. Don't worry. Trust yourself. I promise you, after this experience, you are your best guide. {{hugs}}
Oct 21 - 6AM (Reply to #10)
NarcJunkie
NarcJunkie's picture

Yes it is!

I leaned heavily on my friends this summer to survive the Narc and stay busy. One of my male friends had gone through a similar experience, so I ended up hanging out a lot with him. We had known each other for a year already, but we had both been busy getting involved with other people and having our heart broken. Also, he wasn't my type and he openly displayed his bad sides from the beginning so I remember thinking last summer: woah, I could never date this guy. He has got such a bad temper and is so narrow-minded. Look at how lovely my Narc is, so gentle and open and kind and sexy... haha! So imagine my surprise when I slowly realized after 3 or 4 months of hanging out, talking endlessly, getting to know each other that he is actually a great guy! He's not narrow-minded at all and, most importantly, he is not wearing any mask! I found myself developing feelings for him and wanting to kiss him. I almost did one night! But then: I remembered my red flags and I wrote them down. He IS a great guy and he would be a good and loving partner, I think. But bc I know him so well now I cannot ignore the fact that we have 1 or 2 major incompatibilities and that he is a friend as well as a colleague. I am determined to NOT get myself into the same mess again!! (= lose a friend and suffer through hell at work) So far I have been successful in taking things slowly and carefully listening to my gut... :)
Oct 21 - 7AM (Reply to #11)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Good for you!!!

I really think the narc experience is a big ole lesson. Well, it's a lot of lessons, but the big one is to listen to yourself. Hanging out is okay, but yeah, you don't want to go any further than that.
Oct 20 - 3PM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

Lobo

how right you are, i would have spent 5 weeks not 15 years if i had listened to my gut screaming in my stomach every time I went over to the narc's house. /this time though after only 7 dates with a new man i did listen to my gut, he wanted to keep me a a friend and yet still date others, even though things were going good with us, he was only 7 weeks out of a divorce, his wife left him and now I know why. /he has issues with women, his 80 year old mom lives with him, he doesn't understand his 2 daughters in his 20's, he basically said this to me and i tried to explain to him, women think differently than men and I found out he really wants a clone of himself for a partner so goodbye i said and proud of myself for doing so, even though I started to develope feelings for the man.he sent me an email calling me controlling and manipulative because i said i was developing feelings for me and I asked him why he needed to date others if things were going well with us? never did answer my question, idiot...
Oct 20 - 3PM (Reply to #7)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Wow, you know what?

This is the exact description (80 yo mother living with him and all) of the rude dude who criticized my cooking. I'm not kidding. They really could be the same guy. Run far, run FAST! And never, ever cook his narc ass a meal! :) Seriously, though, I'm so glad you listened to your gut and got away from him. He's bad news.
Oct 20 - 7PM (Reply to #8)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

Lobo

ready for a laugh, on date 3 I did cook him spaghetti, but that is the only time he was grateful as his second wife who left him NEVER cooked, FUNNY.............other than that, he had serious problems NOT understanding women............
Oct 20 - 1PM
Froglegs
Froglegs's picture

^5

"I later told him he was an asshole and that nobody makes me do anything I don't want to do." Excellent! I'm so glad you called him out and trusted yourself.
Oct 20 - 1PM (Reply to #5)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

I've decided I'm not going to

I've decided I'm not going to always be the "nice girl" and let people step all over me. I will have boundaries and if someone steps over one, I will say something. I have not heard from the guy. Imagine this -- I was actually expecting an apology of some sort from him the next day. He was drunk. He probably doesn't even remember it happened. :)
Oct 20 - 1PM
spinning
spinning's picture

Wow, Lobo!

What a complete and total A*%!!!! I am APPALLED at that utterly classless behavior! YUCK! I am so so so so glad you avoided this disaster and listened to that voice inside. Thank you for this very very important reminder. Hugs to you and keep pressing ahead. It is so great to hear you sounding so good and strong and happy. Most sincerely, (determined to not start) spinning. REGARDLESS OF WHAT'S THROWN IN MY PATH.

spinning

Oct 20 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Thank you, (not)Spinning! :)

The next day I told my current boyfriend, Nebraska, the story to see his reaction. I had cooked a meal for him and was really nervous. I told him I was nervous and then told him the story. He said, "What the hell is *wrong* with that guy?! I can see why you'd be traumatized, but don't let him get to you, he's obviously an idiot. Who would *say* something like that? What a jerk!" Yup. True that. And by the way, Nebraska loved what I made. We had a great night, so F that rude-dude narc. My gut was right about him.
Oct 20 - 1PM
needing2know
needing2know's picture

If we all had listened to our

If we all had listened to our GUT in the first place , none of us would be here, but we are , we live and learn, and yes I agree I will FOREVER LISTEN TO MY GUT! If something seems off, i won't let it slide again! I think now we are all more aware of red flags, then we ever have been. My eyes are open and I am paying attention!