List of 40 Traits of a NARC: can you guys relate? Pls add your own...

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#1 Sep 8 - 12PM
LucyL
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List of 40 Traits of a NARC: can you guys relate? Pls add your own...

Hey all,

I’ve been good with NC: 40 days since HE emailed me and I didn’t reply. However, obsessive thinking is still here and I keep checking his online status... So I decided to compile a list of how creepy this guy was to remind me…

Can you guys relate? I’ve found 40 traits of his NPD personality (one for each day of NC). I’ll be adding to this as there’s more…Feel to free to add your own as well…

1- Never met his father and didn’t have a paternal figure to refer to
2- Has very few friends (one friend that I know of, his phone would never ring unless it was work, his mom/ relatives or collection agencies cause he never paid bills on time)
3- Very disorganized, his house was always messy, dirty, cluttered
4- Portrays himself as younger
5- Constantly puts you down: criticizes your appearance, your job, etc. And then tries to fix it by saying you’re perfect, beautiful, smart soon after
6- Has unreasonable expectations from people: no one is perfect
7- Only does what he wants: would pretend he was sick whenever he didn’t want to go out with my friends. And then would accuse me of “not taking care of him when he’s not well”
8- Wears clothing that are not appropriate for his age (41): for work he buys designer suits but for everyday-wear, he dresses up like a teenager
9- Tell girls he’s dating what to wear (try to do the same to him and you’re dead…)
10- Would cling on me like a kid with his mom and was super jealous when I tried to do any activity without him
11- Addicted to porn
12- Addicted to online games
13- Always chasing women online including foreign dating websites for mail-order brides
14- Has some “gay traits”: probably a bisexual
15- His idea of “perfection” is a woman who looks like a porn star
16- Always needs to be in control
17- Feels and acts “superior” but needs constant reassurance when it comes to his appearance/ looks
18- Takes pictures of women behind their backs, when they’re not looking: like pictures of his girlfriends trying on lingerie/ bikinis, or simply getting dressed
19- Used to stare at me while I was sleeping: not a “loving stare” but a weird look, the kind that looks like the person is in pain.
20- Slept naked
21- Brags about his job, how much money he makes: he’s always the best in everything
22- Always have to be superior: he’s always “winning awards”, etc…Winning! 
23- Portrays himself online as younger and lists masters degrees he doesn’t have, or saying he speaks another language (he doesn’t). He even mentions his salary online
24- Sends one-line emails out of the blue, always about him (never asks how I’m doing, how’s my life, etc.)
25- Disappears and then comes back like nothing had happened
26- Confessed that he’s not able to love anyone: h e wants an Asian mail-order bride to “take care of him”
27- Seems uncomfortable around people in daily life but it’s extremely confident at work
28- Seems impatient and disinterested in group situations, especially when the conversation isn't about him, or about something that they know about. He simply leaves the group without any excuse.
29- Complains he gets bored easily and that all people are “boring”
30- Likes ultra-expensive items that he buys for himself only (not for me or other girlfriends that I know of)
31- Dislike kids
32- Never had a relationship that last more than 2 years
33- Never keeps a job for long
34- Complain that people are difficult and do not like him
35- Complain that women do not like him, even though he has “lots of money”
36- Complains of loneliness
37- Extremely worried about appearances and looks
38- Tries to attract women/ people by bragging
39- Seems to have a great memory, able to remember past situations in detail
40- Fluctuates between superior and inferior: criticizes his looks and expects adulation, affirmation in return

Sep 8 - 11PM
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

Mine was a "successful" psychopath

So this list will look a little different:} 1. arrogant-perceived by others as calm, cool and collected 2. No emotional reaction to things that others would react (including the death of friends or coworkers) 3. Same job for 25 years, but exploited and baited everyone around him and constantly violated company ethics policies 4. serial cheater 5. always whining, bitching complaining about body aching, stomach aches and migraines 6. alcoholic 7. unlike some of yours, mine slept with jammies on, head to toe, like a child. hard to explain 8. mechanical, objectifying sex, rare eye contact or kissing 9. hugs or cuddling felt like being hugged or cuddled by a board 10. constantly said negative things behind people's back or that they were just wonderful (idealize/devalue) 11. compulsive, knee jerk reactions, compulsive sex, shopping 12. severely media addicted, tv in almost every room in the house, and he could not tolerate silence. 13. acting like nothing happened after an argument. I noticed that this was the same across the board, even with sex. 14. no past, no present. 15. Constant blaming. I was even blamed for his bout with pancreatitis 16. Massive projecting 17. demanding 18. jealous 19. envious when I had a good day then would try to destroy it 20. Early "tell" in that he said he never experienced joy in his entire life (The only truth I got!) 21. few friends, and if there were any, only for using them 22. mother was/is an eccentric, weird narc 23. is obsessed with new clothes/shoes, often never worn 24. NEVER changed his style with work clothes. EVER. 25. Obvious morphing in public with a mask appropriate for each situation, obvious faking. 26. any work he did on his house or car or whatever, was shoddy at best. Half assed, fragmented. 27. would do and say things out of the blue that made no sense 28. would be stone cold if I showed hurt or pain or he would smirk. 29. drove while drinking 30. kicked me out of the house in the middle of the night 31. would pick fights on purpose and without cause. 32. Silent treatments (on of his faves!) 33. would rage out of nowhere. 34, hated his ex wives with a murderous passion 35. Used his children to give the disneyland dad image 36. LIed and manipulated constantly. If his lips were moving, he was lying or manipulating. 37. gaslighting to the max. 38. twisting my words (word salad) 39. provoking me to tears and frustration by not working solutions to problems 40. Repeated the same rotten behaviors i asked him specifically NOT to do to me 41. Gave me an STD 42. lied to others about me 43. was mean to my children 44. Considered buying me things as "look at all I've done for you, I've been nothing but good to you!" Gag. 45. sabotaged anything I wanted to do that meant independence and freedom from him 46. constant punishment if I did not read his mind or know what he wanted or demanded. 47. Entitlement was incredible 48. BORING! Could not hold conversations, nor wished to have any with anything I was interested in or anything he pretended to be 49. Bored easily. 50. Possibly closeted bisexual 51. narcissistic coveting of his children while comparing his to others and treating other children like crap. 52. was obsessed with how his yard looked, while neglecting the inside of it for the most part. Think that's enough?? LOL
Sep 9 - 5AM (Reply to #10)
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

Sunafterrain I went cold

Sunafterrain I went cold reading that. It described the man I was married to for 14 years. How sad that I blamed myself for it all for so long
Sep 9 - 10AM (Reply to #11)
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

Jel

Then you went through a lot. I hope you feel validated, even with the lost years you gave him. It wasn't you.
Sep 8 - 10PM
alittledark
alittledark's picture

traits

* communicates on his own time * doesn't share much about his life * lol, he also sleeps naked * repeats romantic phrases * uses over-the-top romantic phrases * loves to play the sympathy card * addicted to porn and masturbation * likes to be clean shaven down below - like baby smooth(I also think he may be bisexual) * tells me about activities/places he has done without me that I have shared that I would like to do with him (shopping, traveling, etc.) * would rather I email him often, but does not reciprocate nearly as much and never asks about how I am doing. * can count on not hearing from him if I write about something very positive in my life of course like everyone else the list goes on and on

I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace.
--Helen Keller

Sep 8 - 4PM
FarmGirl
FarmGirl's picture

Try 4 pages front and back of

Try 4 pages front and back of handwritten, bullet pointed examples... What a horrid little man he is (they are).
Sep 8 - 2PM
LuckySpurs
LuckySpurs's picture

Lol, I have a list saved in my files (I'm copying it for y'all)

(I even titled it. LOL!) Reasons why I don’t want to be M****’s friend and don’t care either. 1. Evily dissed me behind my back 2. Evily dissed J*** too 3. Stole my Gone With The Wind DVD, that I know of and lied about it!! 4. Didn’t bother to even clean up her filthy stinky room when she left 5. Tried to control me 6. Accused me of talking about her behind her back when she was the one doing it 7. Shallow 8. Small minded 9. Accused me of using her (not sure for what) 10. Accused me of ditching her for my new “rich” boyfriend She’s bi-polar and there’s no telling when she will lose it again 11. Gossiper!!! 12. Extremely passive aggressive 13. Thinks shes smarter than you 14. Would rather be friends with an 18 year old instead of someone her age (still true, she ages but her friends don't) 15. Most people don’t like her (true in our hometown, but in her new town people seem to love her.) 16. Liar!!!! 17. Spineless!! (Passive Aggressive behavior) 18. Gross and dirty 19. Know it all!!! 20. Accused J*** and I of never inviting her anywhere, when we did on SEVERAL occasions. Just something else she created in her messed-up head. 21. Big complainer!! 22. Deceitful 23. Walk around in her underwear and bra in front of J*** 24. Didn’t like me having a boyfriend 25. She said that lots of people told her I would leave her when I “finally” found a boyfriend that would go out with me 26. She was not single one time during our friendship Married three times and divorced twice by 23!! (Clearly something is wrong with her) 27. She doesn’t know who she is 28. Can’t not have significant other 29. Viscious 30. Got mad, no irate, with me for no reason (completely uncalled for and out of the blue) a few times before she finally ended our friendship 31. Wrote me an email saying that she really cared for me and only wished the best for me then immediately wrote an email to A**** telling her how NUTS I am!!! 32. Ugly teeth (I know this one is mean of me, but her teeth were this way because of her EATING DISORDERS) 33. Anorexic (yes, she was actually diagnosed by a doctor for this one and the narc told me the doctor was stupid) 34. Pill popper (She loved her Xanax & Vicodin) 35. Uses extreme sexuality to get the opposite sex to notice her 36. FAKE!!! 37. Thought she was truly better than me 38. Full of shit! 39. Tried to make me not like J*** 40. Spoiled Brat!! 41. Thought she was prettier than me 42. Thought guys like her more 43. Choose K**** over me 44. Bad mouthed me to her high school friends like a high school kid 45. Used me – i.e. was all concerned I quit the camp after we stopped being friends because she wanted to use the camp for her annual swimparty and get a discount because of me. 46. Complete sociopath 47. Loser 48. Will not amount to much 49. Jealous of me 50. Jealous of most people
Sep 8 - 1PM
spinning
spinning's picture

LucyL, it's amazing how easy

it is to come up with things, isn't it? I'll add these and it will be brief because I have limited time. The list I made months ago is four pages long! 1: Lies, lies, lies. 2: Secretive 3: Socially inept 4: Lies, lies, lies 5: Believes his own lies 6: Exceedingly jealous 7: Overblown image of himself 8: Caculating 9: Unable to hold a job 10: Rules apply to everyone except him 11: Lies, lies, lies as easily as he breathes. Well, that's just the short list!! Love and gratitude to all who stop here from, (trying hard to not be) spinning. EVER AGAIN!

spinning

Sep 8 - 1PM (Reply to #5)
Totally Stunned
Totally Stunned's picture

Spinning

Man how I would love to see your 4 page list - by the way, I sitll need to make mine! Adding on.. 1. over concerned about his body/appearance 2. plays mind games 3. One minute an ass, the next minute uber charming 4. goes silent on you when ever he feels 5. gets upset if he didnt hear from me everyday 6. blows hot/cold all the time 7. needs constant affirmation that he is the best man in bed 8. brags about his sexual performance 9. addicted to porn 10 have I mentioned the mind games? I guess I just started my list
Sep 8 - 1PM (Reply to #4)
dazedandcnonfused
dazedandcnonfused's picture

Spinning

This list of 11 is my ex exactly. EXACTLY!!! I was questioning the last couple days if my ex really is a Narc or not. But you pretty much reminded me that yes, yes he probably is. Lucy L, the list is a great way to identify all the negative aspects of this person and is a great start to stop the obsession. I will make my own list. ALthough I can just copy and paste Spinnings list and use as my own.
Sep 8 - 1PM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

fun list, like it!

I will add called me his "lady friend"to someone after we had been going together for let see 8 or 9 years!Everything had to be his way, including how I put up the window shades. Any slight, perceived criticism was grounds for dumping me, could never discussed anything of depth, like emotions, feelings.Felt like a sexual blow up doll for him, the list is endless so will stop there...........this thread will go around the earth!!!
Sep 8 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
rosedewittbukater
rosedewittbukater's picture

blow up doll

Any slight, perceived criticism was grounds for dumping me, could never discussed anything of depth, like emotions, feelings.Felt like a sexual blow up doll for him Can so relate to all of that, plus everything on TotallyStunned's list. And the addicted to playing on line games at completely bizarre hours of the night. Who is awake at 4am playing internet games? Sorry hope that does not offend anyone here, I just think that's weird. Also add seems to never need sleep, like maybe 4 hours a night - like an alien being. Obsession with body, appearance and clothing. For a 12 hour road trip, she was dressed to the nines, including full make up and a HUGE flamboyant hat. WTF?? Well over 50 and often dresses like a twenty something. Projects the image of and thinks of herself as a "hipster"