Life With a Narc = The Emotional Depth of a One Night Stand

Love how you ended this: " Bitch could have at least had the decency to take me to breakfast....just sayin'." You know what breakfast would have been, right? Scrambled eggs!

Pretty much. That's why I truly believe that the N I dated liked to hook up and have one night stands just for the trill that OH THIS GIRL THINKS I AM HOT AND WANTS TO SLEEP WITH ME - the ultimate ego boost and NS that will literally make his week - in addition to have a constant flow of NS (I believe having a girlfriend who is guaranteed supply is preferred for the N but of course he wants his cake and eat it too). Apparently from what I have gained from my N Ex (he told me a lot of incriminating things about himself...I guess when he was drunk or whatever *eyeroll*), several escapades (I believe WOMEN with good "asshole radar" and keen sense of a fakery) saw right through him after a hookup or whatever and never saw him again, (baring other "small" factors of course). But HA! The Narcissist has no substance. I think I have obtained that important "asshole" radar to better screen potential N's and stay away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I prefer to think that we were both just the same kind of f%$#@^ up. Any way you slice it, it was disastrous. Somebody had to go. Omg, imagine that. I picked me. Call it selfish, see if I care. :o)

To lend even more brevity to the terminology...don't even think of the relationship as a "one-night stand"...just simply refer to yourself as "it". That is how he viewed you. That sucks and you deserve a whole lot more than that ladies/gents! xoxo

HELL - we very seldom had sex & he was taking money from me!! Guess I was paying him for sex & companionship....and he was lousy at both!!

That the ex-Psych prof wasn't worth a no-strings-attached, unemotional, solely sexual one night stand! In some ways, it was an insult... that he wasn't even worth THAT (however, I deemed Colin Firth worthy of said one night stand, LOL) A sexual one night stand would've been wasted with the ex-P. Since my relationship with the ex-P was purely emotional&intellectual (it never got sexual), it did have the depth of a one-night stand. I never got to know the ex-P... and he never got to know me. One of my friends consoled me during the final D&D, saying, "He's not rejecting the REAL You. He doesn't know the REAL you." So, when the ex-P would say he was rejecting me because of my role as a student, not because of how I am as a person, he was actually being truthful(??) My friends would say I was a different person around them than when I was with him. I'd be smiling, joking, happy around them... with him, I became glum, solemn, scared. I wasn't allowed to be happy around him. Most Ns can't stand grief&difficulties, fleeing from them... but the ex-P couldn't stand seeing me happy. About anything. The ex-P made sure there was NEVER common ground. Common ground grows relationships. Common interests. The ex-P would show interest in Oregon (his colleague with whom he shared an office was from there too)-yet if I showed interest in the ex-P's home state of Massachusetts, he'd discourage me, call it the Land of Neurotic Puritans, go on and on and on about how it was a gloomy, depressing place. He loved "War and Peace." Still does. I got a copy of "War and Peace"-and since it was the same translation/edition as his... he blanched. Again, he'd discourage me. Whenever I tried to make common ground, he'd accuse me of faking, or simply discourage. His favorite Wittgenstein quote was that he was prostituting his intellect by talking to intelligent people. He'd often compare himself to a prostitute, albeit of the philosophical kind. He saw teaching as nothing but a way to make money. And also because his father was a professor.

I am speechless! That's EXACTLY how I felt , that's EXACTLY what hurted and still hurt me. How do you deal with it? Love Winter

That describes it so well. Even though I say I didnt know anything was wrong, the feeling I had and often said for a good part of the 14 years was that he had one foot in and one foot out. Sometimes I feel so damn pissed off that I wasted so much time. But the gift in the end is myself

Good one Syren! End of day there's so little between me and narcky. He has so many ow, spreading himself so thin. And put his mum in the equation. The rests are meaningless. Just like ONS, wakeup bid farewell and move on.

Woohoo!! That was fun, you made me smile today Syren ;) THANK YOU! I love your analogy, and its pretty dead on. Its funny, I remember saying to xN once..If all you wanted was a play thing, booty call, why not just say so! i might have obliged, but NOOOOO he had to throw the whole " I am in love with you my dearest soul mate, I want everything with you" Like some silly fantasy from a Hollywood movie. WHY WHY WHYYYY!!!?? ARGG. I was just fine in my own little world, not commiting to men, etc.. He D&D me once, 7 years ago, because I didnt want to be SO serious,.... then he D&D me AGAIN (recently) saying , I am too clingy, and abusive???,.....SAY WHA fool? There was no right way, and when I suggested being just a non-serious fling, he flipped his lid. What a head screw.

YESSSSSSSSSSSS.. what a fitting analogy! In fact, couple years ago I got a weird suspicion in my head that NH gave me some measly pocket money after the weekly hump. YOWWWWWL... it was just a niggling thought, certainly not what a wife should ever get into her head..still..it veered it's head up ..and i did some obvious experimentation and got the obvious statistics.. and a year later when i signed out of the marital bed...the pocket money mysteriously stopped...and for some months I was thrown some impossible excuses... 1.wallet was stolen, 2. his bank did not have money balance and so he could not draw small amounts..as they permitted only massive withdrawals... (can it get more incredible than this?) well...again to cut a long story short, eventually I reached this Forum a few months after i made my personal, unaided decision to stop selling my soul.