LettinggoNP44 Story

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lettinggoNP44
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LettinggoNP44 Story

Today is my day 1 of NC. Here is my story: I have known my NP for about three years now. But I didn't start a relationship (or let me be honest here, an affair) with him until 8 months ago. He is a classic narcissist because get this - he is a teacher. I'm not going to say what kind lest he get figured out, but I'll just say that he doesn't work in a school, all of the women he comes across are of age, and he is constantly exposed to lots of women. Oh, and he's married. I have never before compromised myself, my values, or humiliated a wife on account of a person who is so rotten I stop myself from even saying his name. I saw him openly flirt with women, have a long-standing affair with one student, while he was inappropriate with me and overtly hit on me for years. There were a few female students who up and left his place of business when he did such things - not me (something I must look at). He is not much to look at (he's very short and has self-esteem issues, which I believe is why he's a narcissist and needs so much supply) but his sexual energy is palpable, intoxicating. I kept thinking a line wouldn't be crossed. But on several different occasions he came onto me so strong that it felt like a violation (hugging me and trying to kiss me when I told him I wasn't interested). And one night, it just happened. I felt like I was in a black hole, it sucked me up and wouldn't let me go. I had never before been the OW. It was lonely, awful, toxic. Several times I tried to end things over the course of the next few months, but he just wouldn't let me go. About four months ago I found out about another student he was having an affair with, simultaneously, while with me. It felt like someone had thrown a cinder block at me. I went into crazy mode. I called her up, and she confirmed what he had told me (what he said was of course nowhere near the reality of their relationship). I vowed to get back at him. I blocked his number but he barraged me with a slew of emails. Lie after lie after lie. It was during that time that the other girl and I came to realize he was a sociopath. If you see the way he flagrantly flaunts the women he's involved with around his wife, you will realize in a second what I mean. He has absolutely no conscience. He also has a daughter and brings his OW around her as well. He's a real catch, this NP.

So I end things with him. And in the meantime, he's harassing the other student so much that she gets a restraining order against him. I try to regain my sanity but I also feel so betrayed I want to shut his place of business down. But eventually I realize my best revenge is a good life. So I implement NC (I realized without realizing he's a narcissist that any form of communication with him was toxic) stop attending his classes, block him on Facebook, all of his email addresses, etc. And as much as he tells me that he will leave me alone and respect my wishes, he continually stops by my apartment, the first time was on his birthday, then about 6 times thereafter. Several people have advised me to get a restraining order against him, but I just can't bring myself to. But I've ended it for the last time, and today I finally burned the little notes and holiday card he gave me, as well as deleted or destroyed all other reminders of him, including every single email he's sent me. It was sad yet purifying for me.

I'm dreading that he will stop by tonight. And even before I came to this forum I realize that NC drives him nuts. To the point where he will call me from restricted numbers (I never answer and immediately delete his voicemails without listening) or he makes up new email addresses to email me angry messages.

But NC is the only way to sanity for me. Thanks for letting me share.

Hunter
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Welcome, If you want this to
Welcome, If you want this to stop you make it stop., Get an RO.. Change you contact info., and NC ., Hunter
lettinggoNP44
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What I will Not Forget
1) Coming over to my place, taking off his shirt and seeing scratches on his back (he later admitted it was from the other woman he was having an affair with) 2) Seeing another student he was probably having an affair with, driving her home because he told me if he did "I would be paranoid" 3) Seeing that same student visit him with some pizza 4) Spending time with one OW and being with her physically the same day while coming to me and being with me physically 5) Kissing another student he had an affair with while we were together in another country 6) Sending me mean emails when I ended things with him 7) Being late all the time 8) Not answering his phone at times 9) Openly checking out other women, flirting with them, dancing with them while with me 10) Having me help him pick out gifts for other women (unbeknownst to me) 11) Ignoring me while we went out dancing so he could dance with woman after woman after woman. Telling me later he had to put underwear on because he kept getting hard (disgusting!!!!!!!) 12) Getting me and the OW flowers on the same day (she and I exchanged notes when we both ended things with him) 13) Telling me about all the women he's been with while operating his place of business, as if it's the most normal thing in the whole wide world. Maintaining that all of that was "just sex" and that he only loves me and a few other women 14) Telling me his intricate plan to stay in a hotel with the OW (while he was simultaneously seeing me) so they could have sex all day 15) While we were together he'd call me and leave these over the top messages about how much he loved me and couldn't live without me. These messages would send me in a rage because my gut told me he was messing around. 16) Harassing me for these past 3 months. Not taking no for an answer. Subjecting me to his toxic self time and time again.
lettinggoNP44
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stalking and harassment
I'm only on my second day of NC but I realize that my recent state (anxiety/fear/hopelessness/despair and emotional eating) is a result of his stalking. I ended my affair with him in mid-October and since then he has stopped by my place unannounced, uninvited, 6 times. It's really taken its toll. I wonder: is this classic narc behavior? I went NC on him not because I thought he was a narc, but because I started feeling insane communicating with him. He's so dangerous to my mental health. I feel like I'm just now starting to come out of my fog.
spinning
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LG, whatever label you want to put
on him, you know what you need to know. He is NOT GOOD FOR YOU. I would defininely say he is PD in some way. At the very least he is a lowlife slimeball who cheats on his wife with many women. There is something very not right about that. He is also egotistical enough to plow through your boundaries and show up unannounced when you try to break away from him so this tells me he is no gentleman and he believes he is entitled. These are certainly narcissistic traits. But please don't get attached to a label. Again, you know everything you need to know about this dude and it won't change. Your fog will continue to lift the more NC time you get under your belt. Stay strong. Shore up your boundaries. Do not allow him to violate them ever again. Do what you need to do to make sure of that if you truly want to break free of this manipulative loser of a creep. Hugs to you and good vibes for continued strength and clarity from, (not) spinning. I REJECT ALL CHAOS AND CONFUSION. I REFUSE TO SPIN FOR ANY MAN, FOR ANYONE

spinning

spinning
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Welcome, Lettinggo, and
good for you for taking your power back and for breaking the cycle of abuse from an unavailable user and manipulator who will do nothing but suck up more of your precious time. I am so glad you are changing the script. This is where you must stick to it, very much. The change in script may require you to take the measure you are reluctant to take, i.e. get a RO. He will expect you to continue the old pattern and he will continue to try to worm back into your life. Please keep a record of his attempts. You may have to seriously consider going to the authorities to keep him away from you for good and forever. Keep an open mind to this. CHOOSE YOURSELF OVER THE CHAOS AND DRAMA. YOU DON'T NEED THAT FROM A MARRIED LOSER! I am proud of you. You are strong and wise. You will get through this and make discoveries that will prevent this from happening to you ever again. You are on The Path Forward and though the journey isn't easy, it is so very rewarding. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. I REJECT ALL CHAOS AND CONFUSION. I REFUSE TO SPIN FOR ANY MAN, FOR ANYONE

spinning

Sparrow
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Welcome to the forum
Welcome to the forum Lettinggo. I am really happy that you found the forum and hope that you find what you need here to heal. You are correct, they do not like to be ignored. The ST is the only thing that truly gets to them. Ignore his attempts. They are shallow and bear no meaning, breaking NC is not a good idea, ever. They make you pay even worst than the time befoe. You seem to have a bit of a headscarf on healing. Glad to here it! Hope you get as much out of it as I do!
lettinggoNP44
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Crying
It's really and truly over. It'll take the restraining order to seal the deal, but once that is done, he is gone from my life. I have avoided this part of my day. The tear-filled part. I feel just as I did three months ago, when I first ended things with him. I feel my heart is somewhere else. Being punctured and wounded. It is not in my body for me to protect. I feel so stupid. Choosing him in the first place. All the warning signs were there. I jumped in and thought I could control it. Or mitigate it. That the affair would end in time and there wouldn't be casualties. Is it a good thing that I know that rotten people like him exist in the world? I never know the reality of being around a narcissistic sociopath. I always imbibed people with my own values. He would never cheat. He would never lie. He would never just have sex with one person and come to see me. He would never ever. I couldn't fathom it. I would never do such a thing. I'm so angry that for the past three months I haven't been able to heal. That he has bombarded me with himself for three months. I haven't known peace. I've tried so desperately. I've questioned my sanity. Wondered why I wasn't strong enough to withstand his knocks. I realize now: no one should have to endure someone coming by their apartment window at midnight and knocking with all their might. McDonald's was my friend, yet again tonight. But somehow the tears have been coming out. I feel a wave of sadness. It's truly truly over. I must bury him, the fantasy, the reality, the happiness, the pain, the what it was and what it wasn't. It's all over now.
lettinggoNP44
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Better
This is the first time in days that I'm feeling okay. The past few days I've been feeling awful, sad, confused, shell-shocked, unhappy, hopeless, desperate, anxious. I spent the last few days eating (McDonald's, Taco Bell, ice cream, pizza) and desperately trying to chase away the despair. Today is the first day that I've been feeling ok. I finally feel like life could be good again. And I believe that is the first step: hope.