krissyo's story
krissyo's story
(from March 31, 2009)
I know from reading the site and similar sites that I was married to a narcissist who is the fatehr of my child. When I realized that that wasn't going to work in the raising of our child, it was clear that I needed to raise her on my own (he was traveling all the time anyway to affect distance anyway). It was sort of made simpler because he was gone so often and she was used to him not really being there, just sort of a peripheral presence that happened to be "Daddy".
However, I did meet someone who seemed so interested in me and my daughter, was always so adoring and accepting and very judgmental of my now ex-husband. He called me every day, emailed me several times a day, he flooded me with attention and when we were together adoration and affection and wonderful sex! I did not introduce him to my daughter for many, many months on end for obvious reasons as I thought maybe this was going to be just a fling because it just seemed too good to be true and did not want my daughter thinking she had a new dad, only to be taken away again.
But after many many many months, we seemed to be getting more serious, spent more time together and eventually they met. She was still young but talking and it was a little touchy at first. She was not used to sharing her mommy with anyone. Plus she always kind of wanted her "Daddy" to come home anyway (understandably). As the years have gone by, we have had our ups and downs but he really seemed to prove a loving dad and caring man for the most part. He moved in with me 2 years ago, maybe more, and we married... Well when we had our mutual homes, things were easier.
When he moved in with me, things had to become more suited to him. He stopped worrying about going out with me and now mainly goes out with his buddies every weekend despite my begging for "date-nights" etc. He has become increasingly obsessed with his hairstyles lol (no kidding!) and gets his hair cut every week to 2 weeks. He is a fashion perfectionist. He insists on telling me what to wear and how to wear my hair and is relentless with how my daughter dresses and wears her hair as well. I started realizing that he was exhibiting controlling behavior and although I can protest, it was not in my daughter's scope of choice being "the child" in the situation. Now I am not even supposed to open the blinds becuz he hates the sunlight pouring in the house! When I do anyway, he protests, mutters crap under his breath and sulks.
He has withdrawn all affection from me pretty much. And mealtimes are hellish for me because he gets in such an unpleasant mood that he sulks at every meal and continually gets on to my daughter about eating her food with her mouth open. He used to get onto me about my fork clicking on my teeth occasionally til I told him it was ridiculous and unreasonable. But again, my daughter is sort of a helpless bystander to this criticism. I have protested in hopes to protect her from this crap and now we bicker incessantly which also is not good for her to witness. I already treat him as a child in the morning when he is telling her what to wear etc by calling him into another room stating that I need to have a word with him. At least I am doing that. but it is a constant and I am so tired of this banter.
And the fact that I have to beg for affection has made me feel so sad and depressed that I have lost interest in working out and going out with friends. He used to incessantly chat with other women and fantasize about that but has stopped doing it as much as it was givign me sever anxiety attacks. I am now on Lexapro so I can go home and deal with him every day but we still have horrible fights. On the weekends, he teases me and my daughter constantly which is a way of not being intimate so to speak, always putting up boundaries. He never wants to go out to eat where I want to go, it's always where he wants to go. He never wants to go to concerts that i buy tickets for, but I am EXPECTED to go with him for the ones that he likes! I am so depressed now I can hardly function. I
feel a tremendous amount of guilt and responsibility that I took my daughter away from one elusive, narcissitic father only to bring in a new dominating, controlling narcissistic step-father. Now I just want a divorce but my mom is telling me to seek counseling until we know for sure he cannot change. Until then how do I deal with him and his moods, controlling behaviors etc?
krissyo - from 4/1/09
Are u willing to live the