Knowing the words, but not the music

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#1 Oct 25 - 5PM
Susan32
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Knowing the words, but not the music

Many posters here have mentioned Ns/Ps who use music as their stock in trade. They make mix tapes, use pop songs, the whole bit.... and some of them are singers, like John Mayer.

What's bizarre in my case is that the ex-Psych professor lacked ANY musical sense. Music was a foreign language to him. He once talked about taking piano lessons, and my classmates joked that HIS poor teacher was probably frustrated with his utter lack of emotion.

I could talk to him about movies... but music. He'd vaguely talk about jazz and classical music, but not mention specific artists or genres. He'd look at me as if I were a freak when I told him that I'd listen to music when reading or writing papers. He once said that he didn't "understand" music.

Oliver Sacks recently did a book about music&neurology. Has anyone else encountered this?

Oct 27 - 4PM
chickon2
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Hmm

Teh EX N was obsessed with music.. All sorts of music.. AND Since I say to people I must have been a DJ in a former life, his love of music was another aspect that drew me to him.. I bet, if I still had the poems he gave me, and googled them, they would be song lyrics.. Just a memory this post triggered..
Oct 27 - 3PM
Susan32
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Using Darwin and Tolstoy to justify himself

Leo Tolstoy made Sofia give up her piano-playing (and she was talented) when she married him. Due to his emotional neglect, she ended up having an emotional affair that inspired "Kreutzer Sonata" and "Anna Karenina." Sofia resented how Leo stole her music from her. Reading how he treated her in her diaries, it sounds like she suffered from C-PTSD. She attempted suicide several times, and even after Leo died, she begged for HIS forgiveness at HIS grave, despite all his abuse. Tolstoy railed against music as elitist towards the end of his life. Darwin famously said that he renounced music and had become "merely a machine for facts." But, in the course of his research, at least Tolstoy said that empathy&benevolence are the reasons why the human race survived. Darwin described compassion and care for the weak as GOOD. I'm saying these things because the ex-Psych professor used Tolstoy and Darwin to justify himself.
Oct 26 - 1PM
desprathousewife
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Mine too Susan32

Apart from a list of about 10 songs from the 80's and a Pink Floyd album that he always played, he seemed to actually HATE music for some strange reason. I adore it and am always singing. Would be always singing in the honeymoon phase, then he kept telling me to shut up, every song I liked he suddenly detested with a vengeance. Either that or my singing was that excruciating he couldn't take it? lol
Oct 26 - 5PM (Reply to #6)
Susan32
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This is your brain on music...

The ex-Psych professor said early on (yeah, when he was basically being truthful about being a ba**ard) that he didn't "understand" music, that he hated it. He preferred lectures to concerts. Music is always called the universal language. It's called that for a reason. There's something very HUMAN about it. Our brains respond differently to music than to say, written or spoken language. When I'd tell the ex-P about how MUCH I liked music, I might as well have gone to some remote Amazonian village, speaking only in Basque. It was that significant a communication barrier. I'm glad I didn't move in with him... nobody's gonna pry my music collection out of my cold dead hands! It's a part of me I kept to myself;he never came to my dorm room (thank God) I think listening to music and dancing to it in my dorm was a great stress reliever. Especially Riverdance and Lord of the Dance.
Oct 25 - 6PM
blueeyes
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Oh Yeah

When I was newly divorced in 2006 I dated a few times. One guy was really cool and loved to play acoustic. I play piano and we would sit for hours singing together, attending concerts and shows. There wasn't much romance and zero drama but musically we clicked. We are still friends. My HN knows him as an aquaintance and we still see this musician from time to time. My HN has zero talent, unless you call memorizing sappy 80's R and B that he learned as a child driving in the car with his Narc father talent? Just last week I found in my underwear drawr 2 papers folded. I read them and they were verbaitum an Eminem song that he wrote for his daughter. OMG one paper was written sloppy and one with perfect handwriting. He is trying to use the kids against me so I assume he planted the lyrics to sublimilly tell me I will hurt the kids if I leave him? He has said in public where I could over hear him "My wife and I play music and sit up and sing together." NEVER ONCE! In reality he hated when I would play the piano!! Hated it! He even broke it, piled sneakers ontop of it, and ask people if they wanted it? This is a piano that belongs to my dead grandmother! Oh lord can I rant? Sorry girls, this is a sensative topic for me. he tried to seperate me from my music. Its an anger thing.
Oct 26 - 9AM (Reply to #2)
Susan32
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Misusing music

Sounds like your HN could talk the lyrics, but not know the meaning. Ugh. Feel free to rant. He tried to separate you from something you loved... and that's disgusting. Your anger is justified. Trashing another person's piano? That's sick. The strange irony is that I met the OW at a concert. The ex-P and the OW came together, looking like fraternal twins (and they had as much passion as a pair of siblings) The other professors basically shunned him. I was sitting next to my friend, and when the lights were down, I was in tears. As for the ex-P and the OW, they never held hands, they didn't act like lovers. They showed absolutely NO emotion. Very strange. The ex-P always treated concerts as a chore;he much preferred lectures. Music was a foreign language to him.
Oct 26 - 11PM (Reply to #3)
blueeyes
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sUSAN

I work at a Uniersity, Professors are the worst.
Oct 27 - 12AM (Reply to #4)
Susan32
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Professor Narcissus

Sam Vaknin has an excellent article in "Malignant Self-Love" about Narcs as teachers. One can DEFINITELY say they're the worst because they tend to be cerebral/spiritual Narcs. Somatic Narcs are all image, all about bodily gratification--they're so obvious that you can see them a mile off. I'm glad I didn't get romantically/sexually involved with the ex-P. That would've made things a WHOLE LOT worse. Oxycotin, the bonding chemical. After all I've read here about Ns/Ps coming back... I'm glad the ex-P hasn't come back. I used to want him to send me anything... even something as simple as "eff off"... but now I see it isn't worth it. I haven't waited a decade for him to write, and NOW I'm glad he hasn't! Sending angry missives would only make him ecstatic... so I leave those for HERE. They belong HERE. The pain and sadness, the sense of betrayal... belongs HERE. That eulogy for the Prince Charming illusion... belongs HERE. But mocking him... now I know he never took kindly to that... it visibly pained him... a major Narc injury.. that's something I can do... Calling him a "War and Peace fanboy*" wouldn't hurt ME....ROFLMAO**... *Fanboy is a derogatory term. It's applied mainly to immature male fans of Star Wars, Star Trek, Lord of the Rings. **The ex-P's parents are living with him. Daddy would have to decode this.