Just wondering

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#1 Apr 20 - 5PM
Tiredofthinking
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Just wondering

I am just wondering..I do see how sick and deranged he is but I want to know why my brain can not just say "wow, he's really F'd Up" and move on..Why do I still try to figure things out or even think about him?

Apr 20 - 6PM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

tiredofthinking

It's just that hard to believe that someone IS that effed up, and try as we may to wrap our head around it, we can't. Our normal brain is trying to understand and ABnormal one. It's natural to do this, and takes time and work to move toward acceptance and indifference.
Apr 21 - 3AM (Reply to #7)
Scoop
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Quiteude

This is so true and what i have been working towards , the acceptance and indifference . My brain was trying to fit a square peg into a round hole . Its no wonder my brain went to mash potato . When i came at them with the idea they are normal thats where the pain lies , when i swing to the fact they are not normal then the pain goes away . I would stick my neck out to say grasping this concept is key to recovery. it does take a while, months even and it can only come about if you stop contact with them , the minute you step back in to the ring with them again the swing to thinking they are normal kicks in again and you have to start the work all over again . Ok you have more material to work with 5 or 6th time lol but please take it from me Dont do it . I went back so many times because i thought he was normal again and wow did i get my fingers burnt . He is reving up for contact again as that is his patten , i can feel it in the air . I wish he would find someone else . Scoop x
Apr 20 - 6PM
loveofmylife
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tiredofthinking

me too - he has consumed my thoughts for almost 20 years; worse the last 4. It is all I think about 24/7. It is the brainwashing, the making you think they are the ideal man for you, the soulmate stuff, and everything else that attracted to us. And I'm sure the games they play with us: hot/cold; they love you/they are angry at you. The highs are so high and when you are in the lows, you just want to be back in the high again. It is a pure addition/ obsession. I know it is in the way my N carries himself and acts...because I know of at least 6 other women that are obsessed with him like I am! It is because he makes every women feel special and unique like she is THE ONE. REad that blog on Cognitive Dissonance it is good. Talks alot about how you remember the good and not the bad. You know he is bad for you, but you still want to think he is good. It is an addition - basically...
Apr 20 - 5PM
Scooters Mom
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because you've spent every

because you've spent every waking moment thinking about him, his feelings his needs and his desires and it becomes like a crack habit. Hard to kick. Plus they get into your mind and make it so you long to please them at all times! Oh the craziness of it all.
Apr 20 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
Tiredofthinking
Tiredofthinking's picture

just wondering

Thank you all for your words. It's very hard to make sense of these assholes. The only solice that we have is that they are heartless and can never feel any real connection and will be with different people their whole lives with nothing fullfilling.Although..what am I thinking that would be normal goals and they aren't normal!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apr 20 - 10PM (Reply to #3)
aceonelady
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tiredofthinking too...

I feel exactly the same...As a crack addict trying to score 24/7....what gets me the most and i have a real hard time with is how they can forget us like that,no emotions no feelings just forget everything and everybody behind,and want us to feel and do the same without any trouble about that....i told him i can't feel the way he feels he KNOWS i was and am caring empathic and that he was the love of my life,and i really did have a huge connection with him not only as a man but as a woman being with his imperfections and all!He was angry and told me why can;t you be like the others just go away quietly....I did exposed him to the mother of his children.....Felt sorry for her after noticing he was about to start to suck her out for money because now she is getting his tax money because she has his 3 kids with him...and he is furious about that....

Aceonelady

Apr 22 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
Tiredofthinking
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aceonelady

I have a hard time with that also. I was only with him for @ months but he suckered me in by telling me how happy I made him and how he saw me in his and his childrens future,asked me if I was going to give him more kids, ..blah blah blah. Made sure that I wasn't seeing anyone else and then BAM!! Nothing more. He turned me off with completely with no notice. I got a Hey Babe like usual through text from him in the morning, saw him at night where he treated me like I was imposing on him just being around( so I left in anger..no fight though) to him not responding to my phone calls or texts that same night.That week I had given him @ 3 text messages and a @ 2 phone calls ( THE WHOLE WEEK) when he finally picked up once to say that I was harrassing him.I could NEVER turn even my worst enemy off like that...Cold son of a bitch. And now its months later and I still can't turn my feelings for that jackass off. Although the feeling is usually hate..LOL I did end up talking to him after that ( I contacted him ) where he told me that I was too good for him ..BULLSHIT. This was too get off the hook while he felt like he was being the better person and was trying to get sympathy..which ofcourse I gave him ( so stupid) all the while maybe leaving the door open for himself in the future..Well..His loss because this door is locked to him.