just want my five freaking minutes for once

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#1 Jul 28 - 8PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

just want my five freaking minutes for once

My new book--my seventh and my first national title--arrived today. Now aren't I supposed to open the box with my husband and he's supposed to go out for champagne and say, "Congratulations! Dinner at your favorite restaurant, honey!?"

Well, my ex husband was here dropping off our daughters and he said nothing about the book, but about the box of books, "Were those free or did you buy them?"

I had left a copy on my narc's doorstep because I had dedicated it to him and he left ten minutes later to go out to dinner with his foster child and his brother. I literally saw him toss the book into his vestibule as they left. Seriously, I am a total wreck. Why doesn't someone lock me up? I've lost everything and my mind. No one gives a shit about anything I do. What the hell happened?

I can't even call my best friends to tell them about the book because they just had babies and are too busy!

Aug 3 - 7PM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Helldweller

Congrats!!!! Wow, your seventh book! You should be so proud! He is jealous, you know. That's the only reason he can't validate or acknowledge it is because he is dying of envy right now. You don't need his validation. It's worthless. Congratulations! What a HUGE accomplishment!
Aug 3 - 7PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

What is your new book and

What is your new book and where can i get a copy. I want to read it. Honey you dont need these people to be your validation. Your a beautiful person. Your smart, witty and extremely intelligent. You fit the perfect model for a narcissist supply. You have to understand the nature of the person you are dealing with. You have been here a while and im sure you are a believer. I am sure you have a friend a coworker or someone to go have that champagne and dinner with. Dont let him ruin this for you too. If i was there i would even buy!!!! Congrats! on your accomplishment. You deserve to celebrate. only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Aug 3 - 6PM
sarahb
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i have often thought...

i have often thought about how it is impossible to impress the Narc and even had the very specific thought, I BET even if I WROTE A BOOK he would not be impressed! Ha! Well, here is my answer. The Narc would not be impressed. the Narc will NEVER be impressed even if you succeed Obama as the next president. I, however, am very impressed! Great job writing a book and having it published!!!!
Jul 29 - 11PM
Karla
Karla's picture

Your ex sounds like a jealous jerk!

First of all CONGRATS on the new book! That is amazing and you should be proud of yourself. You don't need his validation at all. He is an N. Why would you think he would be happy for you? If your success doesn't serve as a source of supply for him, he probably doesn't care. But you don't need him to care. Again, congratulations!
Jul 29 - 10PM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Going to the dry well for water

Good for you. What a wonderful accomplishment. What is your new book about? Would love to read it. I agree, these guys are jealous. I sang at a county fair one time, and all these people were coming up to me and giving me positive feedback. My X came right up to me and in the middle of my 5 minutes, grabbed my hand and said, come on we have to go. When we got home and we listened to the tape recording of the song, he said a couple of times, oh see there where you made a mistake. There were no mistakes on that tape. I am my worst critic and I would have heard them if they were there. My old mentor friend often asked me when it came to my relationships with men, why do you continue to go to the dry well for water? I call them dry wells now to constantly remind myself that there is nothing much there for them to give to me. They just don't have it to give. We do though, and I would love to buy a copy of your book. Have Lisa or Betty give you my email address if you would like. Good job!!!! Way to go!!!! God bless, Goldie
Jul 29 - 1PM
Steph
Steph's picture

Congratulations!!! What a

Congratulations!!! What a huge accomplishment! Don't think that no one gives a shit.....your asshole ex does not represent "everyone". Don't care what he thinks. He is so jealous of your success. I wish we were all close and we could go and have a big celebratory dinner at your favourite restaurant.
Jul 29 - 10AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

You guys are great

Thanks all of you so much for taking the time to be so kind to me last night and today. Sometimes the total lack of regard seems to be just that, and I forget that it's on purpose from these animals--it's supposed to hurt us, supposed to screw with our minds and our achievements and our self esteem. The f*cker went out last night with a friend of his, all dressed up, and drove away, never returning. Nice, huh? Like he was saying, "Not only am I NOT going to congratulate you or celebrate with you, I am going to go somewhere overnight with someone else, anyone else, because I know that's what you want to do with me more than anything. AND I'm going to dress up because you always cry because I don't dress up for YOU." So evil and childish and gross. Thank you all for your congratulations. The name of the book is, "There's Something Under the Bed," and it's about children's experiences with the paranormal. I did dedicate to "D, who knows the monsters are real" because he works in the criminal courts and meets the very real child abusers, etc that come in every day. However, I left it dedicated to him because of what a stupid, silly child he is, totally afraid of everything in life.
Jul 29 - 3PM (Reply to #12)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

I'm seeing your amazing

I'm seeing your amazing SUCCESS, I mean, how many writers out there wish they could have ONE book published!! I'd be there toasting you along with everyone else on this board. I see your situation from a different angle as well. You have surrounded yourself with people who could give a shit. Have you ever wondered that? You seem to wonder WHY they don't give a shit, but do you wonder why you have surrounded yourself with them? You also seem to be locked up tight inside HIS head, "knowing" why he is doing what he is doing, which appears to be a bunch of stuff just to upset you and deny you and diminish you. THe time you spend in his head is wasting time you need to focus on getting your life into something closer to what you want and need it to be. It's like you are still hoping all these clueless morons will WAKE UP. I think it is YOU who needs to wake up, and I mean that with the most respect and concern I can muster up for a sister under the skin :) You seem to be insisting these mental midgets perform acts they are incapable of. Like respect and concern for you. They can't do it. It's not even all that personal to YOU, or because of YOU. They are severely lacking human beings. Yet you keep wondering why these morons WON'T straighten up and fly right. They can't. It's time for YOU to fly, my dear. Outta there and to find real people, like the folks here, who recognize your worth. First we have to surround ourselves with people who recognize our worth and treat us as worthy . . . and only THEN can we begin to extend the same to ourselves. Sticking around with dorks will just get you more "dork". And keep you stuck in a neverending and ultimately USELESS cycle of dissapointment :(
Jul 29 - 3PM (Reply to #13)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Oh and one more thing :) You

Oh and one more thing :) You DO have your five freaking minutes. My god, six books published now???? And you don't feel like you HAVE your five minutes because two male stooges aren't recognizing it????? Is what they think of you so damn important? Why is what they think of you so damn important to you??? I don't mean this as a confrontation!! Honest :) Or to have you feel like you are stupid and wrong. Just to hopefully have you ask some different QUESTIONS about your experience right now. It sounds like you can't really enjoy and take credit for what you have done, this magnificent thing, unless these moral idiots are responding with admiration and love at you. Does that sound like what is happening? That's just what I'm seeing, which is limited by the nature of posting words on a forum :) . What does it matter if these idiots don't give you your "five minutes"? There are about a hundred people HERE who would give you five years of celebration!!
Jul 29 - 11AM (Reply to #11)
Aliveagain
Aliveagain's picture

Are you involved with this

Are you involved with this guy still or is he the ex? Gosh I would love you to drop a box of books on his head.
Jul 29 - 8AM
Aliveagain
Aliveagain's picture

Look at what these total

Look at what these total arseholes do to amazing women? Fk him and his validation. Validation is right before you in tangible format. You rock! Congratulations.
Jul 29 - 2AM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Congrats!

Great for you! You have not only survived--but THRIVED. I raise a glass of wine to you here in the beautiful Wine Country to your success. Having a national title is an ACCOMPLISHED. Revel in your accomplishment. You're capable. You're more than a survivor--you're a thriver. Don't expect your ex-N to feel happy for you. It's expecting too much. It's like expecting a toddler to be at the "age of reason." It's like expecting an infant to speak in complete coherent sentences. It's not gonna happen. Of course the ex-N is going to be jealous. He finds your success beyond bearing--and that's the beauty of it. Ns/Ps can't stand it when people they've D&D'd rebound and become accomplished. One can only wonder what sweet triggers it let off on in him. They're envious. Watching him reel in it shouldn't pain you;it should delight you. He wanted to see you self-destruct. Now, with your book it says this "Salt, meet wound" to him. Strut your success. Be proud of yourself. You've succeeded despite the pain he put you through. Perhaps your book is best dedicated to the friends and family who saw you through your personal Hell. The book shouldn't be dedicated to the ex-N, except as "see, I'm worth it, I survived it, go writhe in envy and anger." "I'm still standing"-Elton John
Jul 29 - 1AM
CarolKittyGale (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Congratulations

Congratulations!!!!!, Your exN is just really jealous of you, they can't stand to see anyone doing well especially someone they have D & D'd. I'm sure people care about you they have just got caught up in their own lives for the time being. What is important is that you care about yourself and give a shit about what you do. Go and do something nice for yourself and give yourself a big pat on the back for such a major accomplishment.
Jul 29 - 1AM
Mariline
Mariline's picture

You are great, girl. YOU

You are great, girl. YOU ROCK!!!! YAY! Dear, but don't you understand that every gesture of kindness will givo you only pain if you do it for a Narc? First of all Narcs are envious and mean. Your success is unbearable for them. And can I tell you something? Not only Narcs are envious....It's not that nobody cares, it's only that people IS envious! Call your friends they will be more than happy! And congratulations....if you were here I would open a bottle of Lambrusco special for you :-)))
Jul 28 - 10PM
Janet
Janet's picture

Congratulations! People DO

Congratulations! People DO care about what you do, lots of us do! (Can you give us the title so we can check it out? I understand if not) - but he does not care and will not care. Busy friends still care, even if they are busy. They may not be able to have champagne with you at this point in their life, but if they are friends --- they care and are proud to have such an accomplished friend. Well done!! Peace. J

Peace. J

Jul 28 - 9PM
tigger73
tigger73's picture

First and foremost,

First and foremost, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No, let me start over.........First and foremost, SCREW HIM, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! You are looking to the wrong person for any type of congrats and happiness for your success. These creatures are devoid of that genuine feeling of sincere happiness for YOU!!! If they act like they are happy, it is all an act to make them look like they are sincere and then people will think they are great. I am having a VERY BAD DAY with n=my ex N H as well. He got back in my head and I have to get him out QUICKLY because I was doing so good for a long time. I have so many cuss words running thru my head right now that I am not even fit to talk to. GET HIM OUT OF YOUR HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!! It is a complete and total waste of your precious time to give this idiot ANY of your power. Sorry, i am angry............... and I would do anything to be able to publish a book so GOOD JOB FOR YOU, and I SINCERELY MEAN IT!!!!! I sincerely mean it, because I am human, not a N.
Jul 28 - 9PM
hitandrun
hitandrun's picture

Wish I lived closer

I'd bring over the champagne and perhaps almostlydia would join us : ) He's put a spell on you and not a good one. You are an accomplished woman who got taken by a disordered personality. You have more books in you, better times ahead, and a man who will be the real deal if you want it. It all starts when you get away from him. My imaginary glass of champagne is held high in a glorious toast to your talent, your new book, your new diggs, and your new life. CHEERS!
Jul 28 - 9PM
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

OMG! CONGRATULATIONS! you

OMG! CONGRATULATIONS! you just don't have the right people around to be thrilled for you that's all. I certainly am. Wow, oh Wow!!! I have always wished I could write a book and always thought I had one in me and maybe one day it will come, So I am SO impressed. I hate how they steal our happiness away. I am so pulling for you to find your way out of this place. To finding yourself and how valuable you are. This is something you have accomplished that so many can not. You deserve to be proud of yourself. If I was close by, I'd come over there with a bottle of champagne (I love my mimosas, and never have a problem drinking them by myself:)) and start planning another place for you to live. Right after we went and toilet papered his house and laughed and laughed about it after wards. You have NOT lost everything nor your mind. Your just still looking in all the wrong places that's all. No one that has lost it all gets a National title. I wish there was more that I could do to help you personally. My heart just breaks hearing this because I know it so well and made it thru and I know you can too. Please plan your next step to freedom from the torture. You know what it is. You said you were working your way there. What happened today should push you to the next step. When I was completely lost and so low the only thing that got me out of it was making my plan for what I was going to do to save myself. And just like magic, I was thinking again. I wish there was more I could say. I'm just so glad you're still here.

almostlydia

Jul 28 - 9PM
hitandrun
hitandrun's picture

You are worth it

It seems like life kicks us when we are down. You are still expecting to be validated by someone who is, pardon my french, F*CKED UP! You will never get what you want. Believe me, I still want what my disordered promised, but I'll never get it from him, maybe someone else in the future who is not a con-artist. But I do not live next door. So glad you are moving. Congratulations on getting your book today: ) I am just branching out into publishing in the real world, and it takes a lot of fortitude. And you have published 7 books?!!! That's amazing. Be proud of yourself. And be proud of the royalties you will be making. I'd change that dedication on the 2nd edition of the book if I were you...just saying...he doesn't deserve it unless you wrote, "Thank you for teaching me to doubt myself, ignore my children, have abnormal sex, and to lose all my self-respect. You've taught me how to dwell in hell." Please learn to get your validation from yourself. This guy is a game player and you might feel good for awhile, but you know the hell that comes at the end.