Just a typical day in narcville

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#1 Oct 26 - 12AM
emtg
emtg's picture

Just a typical day in narcville

I thought I would share. So my ex - soon to be exhusband - finally wants to get all of his shit out of the house and has moved into his own apartment and now wants his "share" of everything.

I took everyone's advice on here and just offered him whatever he wanted, despite the debt I've incurred, so as not to engage. The following was my lovely saturday in narcville.

Him: I am moving saturday. what time works for you to be out of the house?
Me: How about 1-4?
Him: Does 10 work?
Me: Sure, that's fine.
Him (the next morning at 10:30 after I have left and boarded the dog for the day:): something came up this morning and now I have to go see a client at 1:30. Does 3:30 work?
Me: Sure. I will pack up the rest of the gifts you wanted. What did you want?
Him: Not sure. Haven't had time to think about it.
Him (at 3:30): oh, going to be a little later. More like 430
Me: Well, I need to come back to the house and around 6 so today probably won't work.
Him: Of course, big date I"m sure. Sorry to be a burden. Didn't mean for our marriage to be an incovenience. Sorry I couldn't do everything on your time frame.

They have no fucking concept of reality.

Oct 26 - 4PM
dulcinea441
dulcinea441's picture

Oh LORD! If that don't just

Oh LORD! If that don't just sum it ALL up. That's pretty much every relationship that anyone has ever had with a narc, in a nutshell. They're such whiny little weenies -- you just have to laugh!
Oct 26 - 2PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

oooomg. laughed reading this.

oooomg. laughed reading this. he asks YOU what's a good time, and keeps telling you what time HE will make it. next time. shoot him with a tranquilizer gun, and call animal control. :D i beg of you. ignore this idiot. completely. if he calls, ignore...and TEXT back...'your lawyer can discuss it with my lawyer.' Really. Be done. Or you will never get off the merry go round.
Oct 26 - 10AM
Blythebloo
Blythebloo's picture

Narcs are the most long

Narcs are the most long winded m'fer's around. Such a waste of oxygen. Love how he attempted to bait you. So predictable!!! Good for you for keeping thy cool!!!!
Oct 26 - 9AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

OMG

He had his chance.. Leave the shit at the door. If it's not gone in 24 hrs it's going to good will.. Yes you were calm but you let him Disco Dance.. His schedule is no more important than your own! Hunter
Oct 26 - 4PM (Reply to #8)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

I agree with this. Hunter's

I agree with this. Hunter's right. I would not cowtow to this dickhead any further. And if you can...use the lawyer as the go between as much as possible to avoid these chit chats.
Oct 26 - 3PM (Reply to #7)
emtg
emtg's picture

why do they like to cancel plans or refuse to make plans!?

He always does this - I understand that things must be on their schedule but even when you say -- pick ANY TIME on your schedule, they won't even do that why? IT WAS SO HARD to be calm and wouldn't be able to be if didn't have other outlet. I just kept thinking to myself, what he wants is to irritate me and provoke a reaction and not to give it to him. The scheduling of stuff and constant "updates" on his life and inability to make and keep defininte plans caused a lot of fights so watching him continue to do it while not taking the bait was necessary. PLUS, while my family wants me to be more "fair" in the splitting of stuff and fight for what I "want" I was drowning and everyone on here made me see that what I actually WANT is for him to be out of my life and my sanity. I'll trade a plate or toolbox for that any day.
Oct 26 - 2AM
uk lady
uk lady's picture

Well done emtg

For keeping your cool - it's all about him and how he feels that you should just fit around him still. When you don't - he just blames you in any case. No win situation. My ex would never fix definite timings - always very vague and would often say, "I'll ring you after so and so", or, "will update you later on the situation". So invariably I was kept on the hook not knowing exactly what I was doing. I grew wiser to it in the end and would often say, "well if you can't give me a rough estimate at the beginning of the day then maybe we should just postpone whatever until your schedule is clearer". It really is about respecting others which, as we all know, they have no comprehension of because they just ignore our boundaries. Hope all is resolved soon for you. Dee x
Oct 26 - 3AM (Reply to #4)
Tigerlily
Tigerlily's picture

In my experience

They avoid clarity on ALL issues, because clarity is power (to us). Their lack of clarity keeps us hanging around trying to GET clarity even after we`ve decided we don`t want anything to do with them any more. Plus they then feel they can chop and change at whim and feel perfectly justified in doing so, because they never gave a clear answer for us to hold them accountable for. My previous N. was a master at that. Trying to get any clarity about anything from him was like trying to nail a jelly to the wall. Unbelievable. It`s only power. They think they have all the aces when they`re like that. Conversation with ex-N while the children were still babies. N.(on phone) I want to see my children. Tigerlily: Sure. When do you want to see them? N: I ALWAYS want to see my children. I miss them. Tigerlily: Well would Thursday suit you? N: I have to go to ... on Thursday. Tigerlily: Well, what about Friday? N: I have to do ... on Friday. Tigerlily: well what about Saturday, then? N: I don`t know for sure, I`ll let you know (he never did). During one of these exchanges (which occurred every few days) I said, OK N., tell you what, I`ll make sure we`re home every Saturday between 2 and 4 pm, and if you want to see the children, just let me know. N: only two hours? Tigerlily: Well when you show me you can visit them on a regular basis for two hours, maybe we can increase the time. N: You have no right to dictate to me when I can see my children and when I can`t. This actually escalated to the point where he was threatening to come to my house with police and social services because I wasn`t allowing him to see "his" children. By that time, despite my being as amenable as I could, he hadn`t actually got his butt of the ground sufficiently to come and see them for four months. Don`t let him under your skin (sounds like you`re not, well done! Keep it up!) is advice from a seasoned narc. war veteran! Tigerlily
Oct 26 - 11AM (Reply to #5)
uk lady
uk lady's picture

Clarity is exactly the word I used to say

Whenever I was trying to organise anything and required dates, timings, venues etc. I would obviously ask for his input and if he was evasive I would ask why, is there a problem? He would often become uneasy and project his anger back at me by telling me that I was confrontational. My answer was always, "No, all I really want is some CLARITY on this matter so I know where we are at with it". But then again, if ever there was clarity at the time, events would always change nearer the date because of his job, mother, hobbies, friends etc, etc who were more important and higher up the pecking order than me. I see things much clearer nowadays. Dee x
Oct 26 - 1AM
Kimmy2
Kimmy2's picture

Bahahaha that's funny! Well

Bahahaha that's funny! Well done u kept you cool so well
Oct 26 - 1AM
Sea
Sea's picture

Just plain selfish

He is plain selfish and inconsiderate. He might be playing games. You were calm and cool! so proud of u. The message u sending him is "i am a dignified person no interest to go to your level!". Hope u settle this with him soon and put this behind u.