Just tried to have an open honest conversation

He'll jerk you around as long as you let him. I tried sooooo hard to help my exN. I literally shoved help in his face. all kinds of help. And he went through the motions sometimes but it was just a game to him. My N had endless tricks up his sleeve, and endless excuses to refuse help. Mine liked to wallow in self-pity and go to many counselors to talk about himself and his problems, but has no interest in actually changing.

Good luck with that one because there is nothing open and honest about these individuals - Show? Perhaps, manipulation? YOU BET. Sounds like the ol pity ploy to me - Nothing they love more than getting an empath to nurse their so called inner wounds - not saying you are an empath but you are a good caring person just the same - What about YOUR pain? Does he care about that, is he in pain over YOUR pain like you are his?

You can't have an open honest relationship with a disordered person. They are incapable. However, with that said, he may honestly be schizophrenic. Multiple personalities, or something else that is not as obvious. Either way, he is of danger to you, and to himself. If someone openly admits to you that they can't control themselves, or the thoughts in their head, and refuses to seek help, get as far away from him as possible. He is not only emotionally disordered. He sounds mentally ill. And that is very sad, but nothing in the world you can do to help him. Be strong and most importantly, be safe.

Is he just filling your head? I may have the harshest comment but I felt sorry for mine over and over, let him back in, and he ended up abusing my son. Mine would say very similar comments as yours, about therapists, about about how he was tired of seeing so much negativity in his life so that is why he was nice to everyone (translate: his excuse for flirting), how he was an empty shell, on and on and on. When I read your comment, I want to tell your Narc that he is full of it! It helps to listen to the comments, and not the emotion (or the fake emotion from him) behind them.

... as they age! Do not try to have an open honest conversation because: 1) he will tell you things you'll never understand; or 2) he will put the blame on you. or 3) He also may start to accept his faults. On this moment he is just using manipulation on you. It's a waste of time.

You don't deal with it - you walk away. NC as soon as possible for your own safety/sanity.

Trying to have an open honest conversation with a N is like trying to climb a barbed wire fence bare foot. It's impossible... It's painful... It will only leave you so frustrated and worn out trying to figure you "why" that sooner or later you will stop trying. You have only two choices. Stop or continue to endure pain. Your choice really. I've been there many, many times until I decided I didn't want the pain and suffering.

the truth and it is obviously affecting you more than it affects him. Believe him and let it go. You say: "He knows nothing makes/will make him happy as once he's done what he thinks is cool he tires of it. He doesn't respect any therapists as he can outshine them so doesn't see point in seeking help." If these are the things he told you, believe him and let it go. Why is his "pain" (and if says the above I wouldn't quite characterize it as that) more important than yours? Why not focus on how to deal with looking at your own pain...the pain you are caused by trying to "fix" this person who tells you in his own words that that is simply not possible. You can care, but from a distance. It is not conducive to YOUR health or YOUR happiness to do anything more. He knows what his problems are and does not wish to change. Don't take that on! To do so would be fruitless. Let it go, Lucy. Trying to "help" a person like this is a futile waste of your energy. He's telling you that himself per the above. Sincerely, (not) spinning. BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT MYSELF TOO MUCH TO SPIN FOR ANY MAN, FOR ANYONE