just threw up in my mouth
just threw up in my mouth
Holy crap, this pain it really sucks. These guys just leaving in the middle of our lives together not because things are working out but for no reason at all, not an explanation, not a care in the world. They come into our lives, we are truly great people and we get the shaft. We don't ask for it, it just happens. What did we do care too much, be completely selfless and what do they do @#it on us, in every way humanly possible. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE F'n KIDDING ME, they somehow come out smelling like roses. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN, HOW DOES EVERYONE THINK THESE HEARTLESS, EVIL (cuz essentially that is what they are), CONNIVING, SELFISH MAN CHILDren ARE so GREAT and we are the crappy women and have done them wrong!!!
By my paragraph you must be thinking yeah finally the angry side is coming out. While I still struggle with my emotions and half the time don't know what I am feeling because quite honestly I don't ever. I feel like a ticking time bomb. I feel like I am going to explode and am afraid it will be directed at someone who doesn't deserve it. I digress as to not explode and instead I feel like I am imploding. I am scared that imploding may be much worse, duh, of course. So what angers me today, well...
My exN and the woman he left me for are buying a house, funny, I shouldn't care because I know how it will probably end, them breaking up. I live for the day, and even though I know it isn't healthy for me, I just want her to feel the pain that they both caused. Look I wouldn't cry if they got hit by a bus but I can guarantee I wouldn't be driving the bus either. Why it strikes a nerve is because in the two years that we moved back to our hometown, we were looking at houses and one of the many we were looking at was the one they are buying. Funny, when you think about it because he has to know, I mean he isn't that stupid, huh, wonder if she knows. The most upsetting thing is he walked out on me and our children 25 days before we were to close on a house we were buying together. I really thought he was walking out because he was scared and a sense of permanency was hitting him and he felt he had to flee. Which is what you would think with a person who suffers from Narcissism, so why would he buy something with someone he hasn't even known for a year. Seriously HURTS, I mean I had to go through with the purchase of my house on my own because I was left with no other choice. It like he just transferred all of his emotions that he had for me onto her and just moves on and keeps living. Unfortunately we are left with the hurt, the blindsided-ness (seriously didn't know anything was wrong, sex, family time, everything was the same, even our realtor thought we were a great couple, in fact we never had difficulty in any of those areas.) The only fighting was because he cheated and I caught him and because he never admitted nor did he apologize and yes I could not let it go because it wasn't like he ever let me know where I stood that was the only fighting and the reason for any of the fights we had. Anyway, thanks for listening to the VENT. Any reflection from anyone would be nice. Just a warning, I am emotionally a wreck so try and be KIND!!!
It's ok to be angry....
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Same guy different.. Be glad
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