I thought I did ok, last week. But this week I've been so angry and now today I've been so sad. I feel like evil took a walk in my life these last two years. I just can hardly can get myself to move these last two days, I want to cry but the tears won't come. I been writing out my story to post, but it just hurts to remember it all at once. Everything was a lie, just a complete lie. I can hardly remember any good times, I always felt he had control till the end. After I started to date him, he wanted me around all the time, I was with him everyday till the night when he would go back to her. (I didn't know) When he moved out, is when I began to stay with him. I never felt like myself, I couldn't even cook right for him, I'm not a great cook but a decent one. He always would make fun of the way I spoke, I was born and raised in Ohio. (I'm am latina). Sometimes when he was watching TV, he wanted my attention on that, I couldn't read or be on the computer. I am not a huge tv watcher. Everynight, he would try on clothes to see what he was going to wear and if it made him look slim. It was always about him. I knew it then and thought I could deal with it. All the attention on him, made me not focus on my life and it is in a mess. Those are some of the small ways of control. THe ow (the same one from before) said he pays all the bills, buys her diamonds, takes care of her daughter and pays her car payment. She has a good job, so she would be fine if he didn't. He never did much for me. I think from what I learned she is secondary supply, always there to take him back. Maybe writing out my story is making me feel this all over again. I like so many of you, have grown up with a very abusive father, I sure some of my issues stem from that. I just want to be free from all this. in every area of my life. I am 53 and I am tried of falling, with no one to catch me. I have always had to be strong or least appear strong. I am just tried. One good thing, I started crying writing this, I haven't been able to cry.