Just a Little Something on Co-dependency

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#1 Mar 22 - 3PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Just a Little Something on Co-dependency

http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=35745

I am working on some research and again, do not feel the need to take away from anything that anyone feels works for them...but I hope to have sucessfully articulated at some point soon why I believe that it is important that for our own well being we are careful about what we choose to believe or label ourselves with...especially during what is a very traumatic experience for us...

Hugs...

Mar 23 - 1PM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

We are each entitled to our own opinion

Ok, this is a similar issue that came up the other night on the board. I'll say it again, although I know you all know it. We are each entitled to our own opinion. Let's not lose ourselves in semantics here! Please, let's take a step back and ask ourselves what we are arguing about? A word. A label. A definition. Come on. Not productive and certainly not a good use of anyone's time. Let's agree to disagree on what we want to label ourselves. Codependent, Empath, Addicted, whatever, but one thing I know we can all agree on is that we have lost ourselves in the Narcissist. We no longer have a genuine relationship with our inner self. This is what the Narcissist set out to do from the very beginning. It was his goal....to make us dependent on him. The biggest part of our recovery is to find ourselves again!!!! Once we learn to see the Narcissist for the person he really is, we are finally able to free ourselves. We realize we do not need this person in our lives to feel whole and complete. We were whole and complete before this person entered our lives and we will be whole and complete once we end our relationship with this person. It is the Narcissist who is preventing us from being truly happy. It is so important you understand this. NOTHING stands between you and your true self,but the Narcissist in your life! I was going to wait to post The Six Steps to this site until the e-book is released in two weeks, but in light of this recent discussion, I'm going to post them today in hopes that it will help steer everyone in the right direction. I think we can ALL agree that we need to focus on finding ourseleves again. That is the purpose of The Six Steps and The Path Forward and I encourage everyone to commit to finding your true self again. You owe it to yourself. You deserve it. Let's start helping each other nurture that relationship with our inner self. We tell ourselves we want unconditional love from another person, yet we can’t even give it to ourselves! It's time to spend time nurturing our relationship with our self! Let's get on the Path Forward to finding ourselves! The Six Steps will be posted as soon as my webdesigner in NY gets to it. I have an urgent voice mail and e-mail into her requesting that she make the new page live asap!
Mar 22 - 7PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Rock on My Codependent sisters!!!!!

We're half way there. The first half was identifying it and getting deeply honest with ourselves as to whether it fit. Now we all need to figure out how to recover from it! I for one would love to see some posts and articles on how to recover from it!
Mar 22 - 7PM (Reply to #30)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Recovering from Co-dependency

Much to my chagrin, I fear that you won't find any articles on the cure for co-dependency as there allegedly is "no cure" this is very discouraging as one might want to feel that at some point one can recover. From what I've read, the co-dependency theory keeps individuals in a position of always being in a state of recovery - somehow a loophole of sorts of perpetual "victimhood" by the mere fact that there is no cure. AND there is a vast market for making lots of money on the "uncurables" This is why I caution very carefully the attaching of labels. This information is not just from this article, but having read a lot when I was involved with an addict. If you read this post I posted earlier...specifically the article, one might come to some other conclusions as well. Perhaps a combination of things are the answer...I don't think accepting ANYTHING, in absolutes is the way to solving a problem. One must weigh it all. As per Ms. Schrieber...I've noted the initials M.A. and as far as I know, that is a Master's of Arts. No one in the recovery business re-invents the wheel that is certain...it's just adding a new improved spin. The bottom line...get on a quest to know the self and go easy. Eventually you'll land where you need to be. More alarming and to me a red flag...Ms. Schrieber's caution that you might get "sleepy" when reading this was explained as being a "somatic effect" She states in an article "Do Love to be Needed or Need to Love": "As you read through this material, you might experience sudden sleepiness or perhaps a little sadness. This is a somatic response, which means that a facet of you is identifying with various elements being discussed here--and they have important meaning for you. While you may decide to take a short break, rest assured that there is nothing to fear from these uncomfortable sensations, and I encourage you to continue. You'll get the most value from this information, if you return to the hyperlinks that take you to other pages after you've finished reading this article." As far as I know, when one reads, especially voluminous information...very much like THIS post...one gets sleepy it is a natural biological reaction, your eyes are moving back and forth...this is no somatic effect...it just IS! As you read this you may become sleepy too...I encourage you to take a short break and have nothing to fear... I'm just trying to keep you open and on the right path... YOU ARE CURABLE...Hugs! http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2011/03/22/more-or-less-why-i-debunk-codependency-movement BLURB: The Minnesota Model of addictions counselling states that co-dependents are addicts, and have the same disease as drug addicts, alcoholics, gambling addicts and other addictions. There is no cure, but with a Twelve Step daily programme of recovery, the sufferers can manage their illness and lead normal lives again. Treating Co-Dependency Author: AlterSage Co-dependency is a serious addiction requiring specialised relationship counselling. Co-dependency is twofold. Firstly, it is the natural, behavioural reaction that is appropriated by one person in a relationship when the other person is involved in some kind of addictive behaviour. However in the other instance, some co-dependants are not involved in any kind of co-dependent relationship yet display the traits in their everyday life. When the dependency reaches a serious level, a co dependent can place themselves in circumstances which are high risk for them and can cause them to lose control over their lives. They do what their disease tells them to do: to indulge in their addiction to another person. Those suffering from co-dependency can be both or just one person in the relationship. Treating co-dependency with relationship counselling is possible and often successful. Co-dependency usually (although not always) involves some other addictive process such as drugs, gambling or eating disorders in one or both parties. When a person is invested in a cycle of compulsive and addictive behaviour, their 'using' affects those around them, especially those involved in close relationships with them, whether it is family, a spouse or a friend. What happens to a co-dependent? The stress and emotional pain of addictive behaviour has a severe impact on those witnessing the decline. Soon the co-dependent begins to 'look after' the addict as they feel the addict will be safer, which brings about relief for the person witnessing their addiction. Soon, this becomes severe co-dependency and an issue of control. The family members begin to display traits of co-dependency as they realise that the addict will die if not helped and their need to control the addict becomes even greater. The relationship becomes strained because of the lying and deceit. Family and friends begin to respond to the addict's every need with attempts to save the addict by lending money, cleaning up after them, lying to others to help the addict cover up their addiction, constant checking up on the person and trying to control every outcome, basing their entire existence on the other person and keeping the pain at bay. Co-dependency and the addiction to the other person begins to break down individual boundaries: their identity begins to fade as personal beliefs and their goals change to make everyone else happy, forgetting their own wellbeing. What are the characteristics of co-dependency? There are many characteristics of a co-dependent; however some are more distinguishable than others. A co-dependent will need approval and seek it constantly, whilst having a bad understanding of who they are. They search for people in need: "victim" roles to play mother to, and obviously the compromising of their own wellbeing for others. Relationship Counselling Treatment for co-dependency is a gradual process. When a person is co-dependent and literally 'addicted' to another person or relationship, the recovery process is complex. Unlike drugs where a person can abstain completely, a co-dependent will need to be amongst people (their very addiction) to learn to re-integrate into society. In severe cases, in-patient treatment may be needed in a rehabilitation centre providing relationship counselling for treating co-dependence. The first step in finding recovery from co-dependency is to withdraw from whichever relationship is addictive. The relationship need not be terminated, but abstinence is needed for a time. Therapy and relationship counselling are extremely beneficial to those suffering from co-dependency. Once the co-dependent is unable to rely on other people to affirm them and give them a purpose, they are able to begin therapy and counselling which is of huge benefit. Individual and group therapy is highly successful in the treatment of co-dependency. Rehabilitation clients such as drug addicts and alcoholics are often co-dependent and rehabilitation centres frequently treat patients for co-dependency as well as their other addictions. The Twelve Steps of Co-Dependents' Anonymous The Minnesota Model of addictions counselling states that co-dependents are addicts, and have the same disease as drug addicts, alcoholics, gambling addicts and other addictions. There is no cure, but with a Twelve Step daily programme of recovery, the sufferers can manage their illness and lead normal lives again. The Twelve Steps of Co-dependents' Anonymous (CODA) are the same steps as used in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and the same programme, but slightly changed to focus on co-dependency. The programme is spiritually based and involves a daily way of life to help the co-dependent cope with problems whilst keeping their addictive tendencies arrested. Rehabilitation centres using the Minnesota Model of counselling have found that the results have been far more successful than only counselling alone. A co-dependent has neglected their needs to focus on others over a significant period of time. Once in a recovery programme, a co-dependent needs to be self loving and nurturing through relationship counselling needs to look after themselves spiritually, emotionally and physically. With the Twelve Steps of Co-Dependents' Anonymous, accompanied by therapy and a healthy lifestyle, they can arrest their addiction and return to normal life again. bout the Author: Oasis Counselling Centre is a rehabilitation centre in Plettenberg Bay who provide expert counselling for clients and their families affected by co-dependency, a successful programme and a healthy lifestyle for treating co-dependency. Article Source: http://www.articlealley.com/article_889756_17.html About the Author: http://www.altersage.com
Mar 22 - 8PM (Reply to #31)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I read long articles

I read long articles constantly. Most of the time I dont get sleepy especially if its mid morning. Every time I read those articles I am freakin sleepy like I need a nap. As far as I am concerned this lady nails this issue! there is a reason why everyone reads those articles and goes WOW! I just read this: When the dependency reaches a serious level, a co dependent can place themselves in circumstances which are high risk for them and can cause them to lose control over their lives. They do what their disease tells them to do: to indulge in their addiction to another person. Those suffering from co-dependency can be both or just one person in the relationship. Treating co-dependency with relationship counselling is possible and often successful. and thought: Havent we lost control over our lives? I know I have texted cause my addiction told me to. You absolutely can heal from codependence. I would suggest as Shari does that you need to heal your core wound and toxic shame. Its an addiction like any other. Ya know in my business were pretty analytical. We peel back all the what I call "Window Dressings" and get to the facts. Why is a Narc a Narc? I would suggest because he exhibits the behaviors and symptoms of Narcissism. Why do we label him a Narc? but dont label those who are exhibiting symptoms and behaviors of codependence Codependents? Why is ok just to label the Narc? It really is just this simple. If it walks like a duck quacks like a duck - ITS A DAMN DUCK. (sorry must have a little of my office deamor left over from today.) as with everything its not everyones diagnosis but I would suggest that those who read about codependence know if it fits or not. I initially felt it didnt fit because it usually comes out of families where abuse is present or atleast thats the most talked about scenario. But I know the other characteristics fit and as I kept researching it all fell into place. The is simply is rocket science. You know in your gut if you meet that criteria. I would suggest that it doesnt keep anyone in victimhood. Victimhood is wallowing around going mean old Narc did this to me. There is a time and place for that certainly but when you are a year later still doing that it is certainly indicative of something. Feeling hopeless because you simply dont know why you are feeling what you are still feeling is victimhood? Wondering why the hell did this happen to me? Why did I allow it? I would say one of the most anxiety producing states is when you come down with an illness and the Doctor cant find whats causing it or what it is. To me suggesting blame and fault with codependence is utter garbage. And since when did codependency become about blaming the victim? If somone has cancer is it their fault? Nope but they still got cancer and its still effecting their life.
Mar 22 - 9PM (Reply to #56)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I love it...

As far as I am concerned this lady nails this issue! there is a reason why everyone reads those articles and goes WOW! I just read this: When the dependency reaches a serious level, a co dependent can place themselves in circumstances which are high risk for them and can cause them to lose control over their lives. They do what their disease tells them to do: to indulge in their addiction to another person. Those suffering from co-dependency can be both or just one person in the relationship. Treating co-dependency with relationship counselling is possible and often successful. SO now, this is a DISEASE? Ahhh the power of suggestion. Well, from what I've read, the definition of disease has to have certain biological markers in order to define the disease. So, what is the biological marker in this disease? The fact that someone placed the word disease in their description of a set of behaviors? and thought: Havent we lost control over our lives? I know I have texted cause my addiction told me to. So essentially sick of it, you are not capable of self control...this is what you are buying into? Albeit, mistakes in judgement, maybe insecure, a little jealous, controlling...okay...is this something you can fix or is this something that you will forever be plagued by? You can't grow or change or modify, or search for answers and work on improvement...YOU have the disease of co-dependency for which there is NO CURE... You absolutely can heal from codependence. I would suggest as Shari does that you need to heal your core wound and toxic shame. Its an addiction like any other. Forget what Shari suggests for a minute...can you do the work, take some of what she says, work on those core issues wounds whatever...can you take some of what she says and leave the rest? If you can, then you don't have the DISEASE of co-dependency...you need tweaking and your recovery does not have to be lifetime like it must for co-dependents with an "INCURABLE Disease"... Ya know in my business were pretty analytical. We peel back all the what I call "Window Dressings" and get to the facts. AND this is the skill I want you to keep...in EVERYTHING...even on what I'm saying... Why is a Narc a Narc? I would suggest because he exhibits the behaviors and symptoms of Narcissism. Why do we label him a Narc? but dont label those who are exhibiting symptoms and behaviors of codependence Codependents? Why is ok just to label the Narc? Right now in my recovery...the NARC has to be an incurable evil NARC don't give a shit how he became one...he just is and damaging to my health...the NARC is my incurable disease if I ever go near him.... It really is just this simple. If somone has cancer is it their fault? Nope but they still got cancer and its still effecting their life. AND if they got cancer we could find abnormal cells in a microscope...cancer isn't diagnosed by a doctor listening to your symptoms and saying..."You have cancer" based upon what you're telling me and as a result of your "complaints" there is tangible proof, it's not based on THEORY...
Mar 22 - 9PM (Reply to #57)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

But why is ok to call him a

But why is ok to call him a Narc? I mean technically we dont know but Its not ok to call a codependent a codpendent? Ya know the Narc said something to me once and OMG it was right (cant believe Im giving the MOFO any credit)He said "sick of it you say I dont love because I dont do what you want me to do thats not healthy" and damn it he was right! I think thats why many codependents feel that soul mate thing. Remember my psychic chord? I swear it is like we are inverted images of eachother engaging in a dance of control. I lost control over my life, my behavior, my work, my health every damn thing. I was and still am to some degree still malfunctioning
Mar 22 - 9PM (Reply to #58)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Sickofit

I just want to clarify...I like this question...I just need some time to dissect and do some work. Again, when I throw stuff out here...it's to inform, to provide a resource...it's open to debate. I want everyone "thinking"...not "my way" but if they disagree, put it out there! On another thread, I can't even remember now it's late and the brain is fried to a crisp right now and I have to back off for tonight I've done a lot of reading/research...I posted yet another thing about blaming the victim...it's on a short thread right now with the member TLSM...my tabs aren't working... I'm having a "somatic" response...LMAO...just busting chops... I really do like that question, so like I said, this isn't attacking you, what you believe...give me some time to answer it...okay? Hugs!
Mar 22 - 10PM (Reply to #59)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I am having a somatic

I am having a somatic response as well in fact if I cant sleep I read those articles and it lights out LOL. Ya know things really come full circle. Do you remember that thread "wrong place wrong time" where I got my panties in a wad when all of ya'll were suggesting that I examine my own issues and I said. This is not my fault. I mean I was raging at thought that I had any hand in any of this. I simply No f ing way. No one will blame me and you all said its not about blame.... and my one little friend clueless took up for me. In actuality she has become a great friend and we speak nearly daily. Holy Shit. Who would have ever thought I would be making the posts Im making now. I feel like I need a smoke or Im gonna text him LOL! that is after a repetitively lock the door exactly 25 times. :)))
Mar 22 - 8PM (Reply to #32)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Sickofit

I love the question why is the narc a narc... I love your counter...I really do. And you have sent ME on yet another quest...I hope you will give me time to counter... Perhaps I will have none :O You raise some excellent points, and again I support whatever works for YOU... I just feel I have an obligation to offer the flip side of the coin... CORE Issues...we all have them...doesn't mean you're co-dependent...it means you have core issues. BUT seriously and I mean this with my heart and soul...keep giving the flip side of the coin this is not an argument...I think being on both sides of the spectrum, we are actually helping others. You've found your truth and I've found mine. If I may, I would like us to be the Siskel and Ebert of Vain encounters...do you accept my invite? Hugs....
Mar 22 - 8PM (Reply to #35)
Steph
Steph's picture

a narc is a narc because they

a narc is a narc because they were born that way. You can not teach someone to know right from wrong. You can not teach someone to have feelings. You can not teach EMPATHY. You either have these qualities or you don't. No victim of abuse should EVER accept any form of responsibilty for being exposed to it. Yes, we stayed or dismissed red flags...there is OTHER reasons for this other than being "codependent". I have said before, read "woman who love psychopaths 2" BY S. Brown. She describe many traits woman have that are incolved with abusers..."supertraits" as she calls them. Con artists can dupe ANYONE. You could have the HIGHEST level of self esteem, the BEST childhood and you could still get DUPED. Explain that, please. That is how good a personality disordered indiviual is. I personally know where I am at, but there are so many fresh, new victims here and I have a huge problem with presenting them with ideas that make them take some blame....they already take too much blame...they don't need more.
Mar 22 - 8PM (Reply to #55)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I have high self esteem on

I have high self esteem on the outside and as I said I was raised by the Cleavers and was a bit spoiled. I am well educated and have a very good job but Im still codependent. I was and still am addicted to him. Hes addicted to NS and I was/am compulsively addicted to him. That makes us two addicts hence the term CO-Dependence
Mar 22 - 8PM (Reply to #49)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Where is this whole blame

Where is this whole blame thing coming from. I only see you suggesting that. Codependence isnt about blame. Its about having a dysfunctional relationship with yourself. Who said anything about blame?
Mar 22 - 8PM (Reply to #50)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Codependency

Is viewed in some circles as a personality disorder...depending upon who you read. The problem or no, better yet the REALITY is that psychology/mental health is contantly evolving... It is the philosophical and scientific study of essentially the "human" condition and "labels" are attached to help guide the study further. To claim or to own being co-dependent you are admitting you have an incurable problem, that cannot be cured or fixed *except for Shari Schrieber* who believes she can cure it...and I'm sure she's one of a very small number of individuals who can help you "cure it" for a fee. Otherwise, the condition is viewed as being "incurable" the only cure is removing yourself from the individual who is triggering the upsurge of this "dependency"... BUT I do acknowledge like everything else, both of us could find sources to support our views... BUT bare bones, it is viewed as a flaw and incurable flaw a flaw of personality disordered porportions possibly falling into psychopath at some point...maybe twenty years from now on the umpteenth revision of the DSM leaving one with the label HOPELESS and incapable of change or cure...and the theory insinuates that you are the one with the problem...and you have to fix you...and yes, to some degree we all have to do some tweaking...but don't all of us...that doesn't make us special, that doesn't make us "co-dependent"...all relationships are interdependent... The movement started out of AA...and that is a system whose success was BASED on dysfunction, it's principals stem from DYSFUNCTION...the founder was Mentally Ill and perhaps a Narcissist himself! AND the programs to help the partners...ahhhhh, who came up with that program? In true classic fashion..."point fingers, cast blame and label the partners co-dependent enablers".... Nope, sorry...can't digest a theory like that... I was a victim for a moment, won't be one for life, and won't need to be in recovery for life...and keep coming back because the program works. I will own my shit, face my demons, wash my feet and move on...AND stay away from addicts former or present when it comes to selection of an intimate partner...because their whole life is based on being perpetual "victims" to an "incurable" disease... AND I say this having just had my third cup of coffee today and my 20th Cigarette.
Mar 22 - 9PM (Reply to #51)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I wouldnt say everyone has an

I wouldnt say everyone has an addiction to the narc but Michelle clearly when your going on to a year and you cant stop doing something that is harmful to you one would call that addiction. When you have lost control and are compulsive about doing something its just plain dysfunctional. I dont feel incurable. Louis Hay would suggest that its very curable. You have to heal the realtionship with yourselve. Shari charges 140 dollars (I would gladly pay it if my husband wouldnt find it suspicious) an hour but suggests most of your questions can be answered by reading her articles and questions and answers. I have emailed her some short questions and she emailed me back no charge. Btw when I discussed my codpendency with my husband,you know what he said? He said sick of it you are a raging codpendent and i have known it for years. I screamed at him why didnt you say anything? because you would have gotten mad and denied it and He's right 2 years ago I WOULD HAVE! He said I have told you many times in round about ways with out using those words exactly and now that I think about it he did
Mar 22 - 9PM (Reply to #52)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Sickofit...

I'm not your husband... You're not co-dependent, and I've known it...for ummm, I just do! *And I'm not qualified to make a diagnosis so I'm saying this in jest...it's what I feel in my gut. You gonna yell at me...go ahead! I ain't skurred of you:P As long as it takes to have the issues, it takes time to heal from them. We've all been told we have at LEAST 18 months on the Narc issue alone...additional baggage...more time... You're doing fine...keep searching, and keep at it...you'll see... Hugs....
Mar 22 - 10PM (Reply to #53)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

No Michelle if you saw me in

No Michelle if you saw me in real life you would know I am in all seriousness. Ill confess: I do everything for my bosses past and present. I get them addicted to me and my work to a point where they feel they cant do it without me and then I run things how I see fit and then I demand money LOL and they usually pay it. I was out with my new boss and ran into the old boss at happy hour. He was begging me to come back. The new boss said to me sick of it if you want to go back that dysfunctional codependent relationshipt then have at it. I am not kidding he really used the term codependent. My mouth was hanging open. When I was younger I had a bout with bulemia OMG OMG I think Im a Narc! or Borderline or Im some damn thing maybe just crazy or trauma bonded or PTSD or suffering repetition compulsion or maybe triangulation or Codependence OMG OMG so many choices so little time.... Now off to bed so I can have a "NARCMARE" or a "BARCMARE"
Mar 22 - 10PM (Reply to #54)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Sickofit

I am sorry to hear about your pst struggle with Bulimia I do want to say however, the description you use for your job and how you approach it... Maybe I'm ruthless...but being a woman this day and age in a dog eat dog man's world... In order to survive... We have to embrace dig deep and find some source of Machiavelli within us...in order to maintain some semblance of respect...LMAO...and so I commend you! AND note, it was a MALE...projecting and suggesting co-dependency which is also labeled "a woman's problem"...I wonder...was he engaged in a campaign of manipulation in order to keep you?.... I'm sure you're better off where you are and I'm sure a compliment all the same..take the money!...but just know the players and the game at all times. Hugs
Mar 22 - 8PM (Reply to #36)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Nope. Sorry. that is

Nope. Sorry. that is incorrect they are not all born that way. There is scientific evidence that some could possibly been predisposed to it but their are many that develop it from childhood trauma.
Mar 22 - 8PM (Reply to #37)
Steph
Steph's picture

Quite correct, actually.

Quite correct, actually. Scientific eveidence shows there is actaul differences in their brain. MRI's have shown this. If all people that experienced childhood trauma became narcissists or other PD's....their would be a hell of alot more PD's out there. Many people have childhood issues.....but they still grow up knowing right from wrong and having feelings/empathy. And the lack of feelings/empathy is what makes these PD's as sick and uncurable as they are.
Mar 22 - 8PM (Reply to #38)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

No it isnt correct staying

No it isnt correct staying strong but im not gonna continue to argue it with you. It is what it is. There is scientific evidence that "suggests" their brains may operate differently. Most evidence suggests that it is a combination of the two. but whatever. You seem a bit combative so Im disengaging with you on this subject. There are alot people on this thread that this is their reality. Might not be yours but it ours you havent shared yours with us as I have said someone might learn from it???
Mar 22 - 8PM (Reply to #39)
Steph
Steph's picture

Sounds good. I have shared my

Sounds good. I have shared my truth on several threads. Maybe u skimmed thru and hit reply prior to actually reading. I don't know. Again, I am glad that you found something that works for you. That's never been my issue. My issue is in saying YOUR way is the ONLY way...which you have implied in several posts. I don't care for myself, I'm at a good place, but pushing ideas on newbies is not right or fair.
Mar 22 - 9PM (Reply to #40)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

How many time have I

How many time have I repeatedly said this is NOT everyones sitch? In fact I even said Michelle I dont believe you are codpendent. Im not pushing anything on anyone. It either fits or it doesnt. We are not children. We can read symptoms and know if we have them. For some reason this really gets to you but I have no reason as to why. This thread was not addressed to you. Why would you think I have such influence?and Newbies? Would that suggest that they are uneducated about this? How do you know they havent been reading for months but looking for some human confirmation? You say you are for everyones reality but you seem to be only confronting mine. Come on give these women some credit. They can read and know if it fits.
Mar 22 - 9PM (Reply to #41)
Steph
Steph's picture

No. several of your replies,

No. several of your replies, indicated that if i did not agree with you, i haven't done my "internal work". I can go back and find those threads as easily as you can. as far as are newbies uneducated?? c'mon sickofit! yes they are, and that is not an insult. we were all NEW and UNEDUCATED to this stuff at a time. that's why we ended up here. We were confused and seeking help.
Mar 22 - 9PM (Reply to #42)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

staying strong what is your

staying strong what is your purpose? Why are you attacking my reality? I would say that you are suggesting they are not educated and cant think for themselves. Why would you think I have so much influence? Since when am I the Guru and if Im not then what is it that you are so worried about that you have to keep telling me that you dont buy codependence? Im not asking you to. No one is but you seem to keep taking issue with it? Ok so you are not codpendent. Ok good for you but some of us are. Feel free to make a separate post about your reality and maybe some others would learn. Dont you think that would be more helpful tham simply refuting mine?
Mar 22 - 9PM (Reply to #43)
Steph
Steph's picture

And AGAIN, I am not attacking

And AGAIN, I am not attacking you. Like I said, in SEVERAL posts you have indicated that if one doesn't agree, they are not doing their "internal work" ...which suggests to me that you have an idea that YOUR way is the ONLY way. I have said this, Many times. You tell me to "write about my truth" and I HAVE. I have written about my opinions and why I believe most of us got here. As far as writing my own post.....pardon me, but this post by Michelle115 wasn't dierected JUST for you either, but you can respond, why can't I?? I never attacked you for believing YOU were codependent....I spoke up when you started writing how YOUR way is THE way! Big difference. This is futile. Good luck to you and I'm done responding to you specifically.
Mar 22 - 9PM (Reply to #48)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Oh yeah btw I believe I was

Oh yeah btw I believe I was asked by Michelle to respond. So yeah your pardoned
Mar 22 - 9PM (Reply to #44)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

you can respond to anything

you can respond to anything you want? I just dont know why you would want to is all? but whatever feel free to respond Can you please copy and paste the quote "MY Way is the Way" and btw you are pardoned
Mar 22 - 9PM (Reply to #45)
Steph
Steph's picture

lol. sure. here's one from

lol. sure. here's one from you to me: "I'm sure you will find this offensive as I did but if you do your internal work you will find what I'm saying is true" from: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2011/03/17/definition-codependency
Mar 22 - 9PM (Reply to #46)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Point taken but thats not MY

Point taken but thats not MY way is the only Way. I still think that but you said it doesnt fit. So Ok it doesnt fit but dont tell me codependency is wrong. Its not right for you but it fits alot of us on that thread. I didnt force it on them they willingly responded. Im not holding a gun to anyones head and Im flattered that you think I have that kind of influence. but yeah I see how you could see it that way but tha wasnt a quote. Now were done but have a nice night
Mar 22 - 9PM (Reply to #47)
Steph
Steph's picture

glad you got my point

glad you got my point then....and THAT qoute I cited....is where this arguement began with us. I NEVER said you were wrong for believing your ideas fit fot YOU. I always maintained in my posts that that line of thinking wasn't the only way, that others with different ideas who have still done our work, may have other ways that work for us....and please don't ask me again to post them...as I've said, I have. I hope this is resolved. I want everyone here to find their own truth and what fits for them. If I seem defensive, I am....for the reasons I just said but also, i don't want any person here to ever feel responsible for enduring abuse.