July 4th weekend... exN/OW in my head!

OK...so I was doing quite well, feeling somewhat powerful after posting my story yesterday and from all the support here. Then I started thinking about July 4th weekend... the fat f*ck Narc and his new supply spending it together in the first weeks of their blissful new relationship, etc... I feel like he got away with very bad behavior and is sorta being rewarded. Am I crazy?! Why would I even care?!

FreedomJane's picture

Still I am thinking what is happening this weekend and what they're doing. Is this normal for us?
girlsinger's picture

yea, n this case..THE EXTRA STENGTH EXTRA PINEY KIND!_LOL (Hunter you are too funny) Jane, Just think of what your missing.. what a true loss sounds like you could never find another man quite like Him (one could only hope and pray) I mean, you probably wouldnt even get a bite of food yourself.@ the 4th of july BBQ. he strikes me as someone that takes cuts in the buffett line, (if ya know what I mean) and then there is him dying his hair and brushing his teeth endlessly, BTW, Im sure someone has mentioned it but dont be too impressed with the bible he left on your porch its for "Future Supply" just in case he is running dry sometime or maybe one day after he ate everything in sight and managed to pour hot sauce and ate the OW!...LOl this is a deeply disordered man sounds like life with him would have been hell on earth there is a GOD and he got you out, in the nick of time take that grace and run, Forrest Run and don't look back... he's got a turkey leg in one hand and the hair dye in the other! Jane have you made plans for the 4th? what's on the docket? be blessed K
Hunter's picture

Teehee, I bet he eat the bible for a snack! :)
FreedomJane's picture

I am going to print out this entire thread and carry it with me this weekend! You guys are the best! I couldn't have found this much therapy and "getting over it" any where else than here. Thanks for being here for me AND making so much fun of him - actually, every bit of it is true!... you guys were really listening to my story and I really appreciate this!
Hunter's picture

One last thought Jane, just think of Chubby over indulging in the Fourth of July Food! Jabba the Hut chowing down... GROSS! I bet the real fireworks happen a few hours after and I'm not talking about wild sex, get out the Lysol! Stinky Poo! Happy Fourth Hunter
FreedomJane's picture

He was absolutely disgusting around food! You could tell he was holding back to win me over but you could also tell that when no one was around, he really chowed down. I had the honor of going to a movie with him on our last date -- it was disgusting...he couldn't get all the popcorn in his mouth at once, so he it was getting all over him. He probably thought we were in the dark and I wouldn't notice... but he probably already has his new NS lined up at that point, so he could let his guard down - my opinion of him didn't matter to him anymore. YUK! Jabba the Hut is right! What was I thinking?
Hunter's picture

Mine is a bald little gnome, who thinks he's the Dog Whisperer! He too has poopie problems. :) Hunter
girlsinger's picture

welcome "am I crazy? "why would I even care?" Jane, Hi I feel for you, bless your heart listen, if it got sexual,(which Im only guessing here that it did) if it did then, in addition to that Narc/psycopath wound and that is a deep, weeping, truly unbelieveable wound there is also the 'chemical" component as well you may want to google "oxytocin" the bonding hormone we women have it men generally dont ( normal or narc) women bond through sex men dont..(normal or narc..it dosent matter) period... they might have a nice experience, but not the chemical "bonding" though it is believed that left handed men and gay men do have some oxytocin so we as women, "bond" when we feel loved and we give our bodies when we have sex, we let hi "IN" menatlly, physcially, spiritually Father God, had it right, so, even a man that is not that attractive\ is aware that if he gets into your knickers even Once you will be "bonded" to him with a narc/psycopath, you are "bonded" in pain so one good roll in the sheets, along with that Narc/psycopath manipulation, idealization then all of a sudden..he is no longer a monster he is "special" it is that flood of oxytocin... so, To get our oxytocin levels back to normal it takes 2 years no different than coming off heroine that is why no tasting, seeing, smelling hearing him..NC this is the hard science. Im a big fan of hard science NC is the only way that your brain will re-wire itself I learned this while hosting Dr Pat Allen's radio show for her all of last year I was already a fan of her work after her many appearances on Oprah (you can check her out on youtube or Drpatallen.com) it really does explain the chemical part of things and explained the irrationality that occurs for women even when we are involved with a "normie" let alone the "highly disordered" it only takes one time any kind of intercourse, any oriface.. Jane, On the first night we were doing the radio show my Ex DR Narc called in (we were still in the "idealization phase" that part lasted a little over a year) so, he said "do you have any "tips' for success in realtionships? she said "oh..yes I do', (now, remember, she never met him dosent know he was my boyfriend ta the time..nothing) she continued.. "you would either have to find a zero person with no dignity to bow at the alter of your narcissism or you must learn to "waltz" to learn the "dance" that realtionships are "its not all about you, 24/7 !!!!! amazing jane more will be revealed grace for another day be blessed K
FreedomJane's picture

This is amazing information. I can totally identify with it. I do feel chemically bonded to him. That is excellent advice for moving forward and not letting things happen so quickly. I am off to research. I love this board!
girlsinger's picture

Hi there Rock on girl!!!!! Your Time for fun!! This is YOUR independance day! narc free..hold the mustard...LOL be blessed K
Tinker's picture

i SO understand...last july 4th we were together (or so i thought), spent the weekend at his house at the beach. i left about 4 pm after the weekend. i found out later that within the hour, he was writing an old gf asking her to "kneel" for him. i got to meet her a few weeks later and she showed me the email. this year he's with the OW but he's told me things aren't great, and my intuitist said she's waking up and not getting any more than i did. yours isn't giving any more than he gave to you. so...let's plan a few nice things. i have a date friday night AND sunday with normal guys and plan on having a great time:) if their relationship is blissful at this time, remember ~ the greatest chance of getting D&D'd is when things are going well. she has that to look forward to and you don't! hugs
FreedomJane's picture

Thank you for showing me that there are great dates ahead even after an unhealthy dose of narcissistic injury. Right now, in this moment, I am stuck in not believing that there's a rainbow coming from the storm. Thank you!
SoaperGirl's picture

Well, instead of dwelling on my narc ahole, Sunday July 3rd, I'm taking part in our annual family reunion, on the 4th, I think I'm gonna go to the city's annual 4th of July fireworks display. Likely my granddaughters will be join us, so we'll be swimming, picnicking, relaxing on the beach- no narcs allowed! Later on, probably movies with hot buttered popcorn, and whatever else to keep the fun going.
michele115's picture

You can wonder what he's doing with her, or you can wonder how much fun you're gonna have planning to have your own Kick Butt fourth of July... Hugs!
Steph's picture

It's triggering for sure, when holidays or certain seasons come and you remember the things you did together and then feel overwhelming sadness thinking that he is now sharing that with someone else. Don't forget, you had "bliss" in the beginning too with him, and look where it got you. One day, she too, will suffer the same confusion and emotional devastion that you have. It's inevitable. He hasn't gotten away with anything. Narcissists are miserable people that are never content. Trust me. You are not missing out on anything. Let them have their July 4th "romantic" celebration....their "romance" is all horseshit. She has NOTHING with him. You, on the other hand, are aware and in a place where you can learn, grow, and heal. You are FREE. And THAT is worth celebrating. Stay strong. xoxo, Steph
michele115's picture

I'll repeat..."The Romance (with a narc) is horseshit...ALL illusion... It's not real... Your 4th whatever you're gonna do...it's REAL! Hugs!
Sparrow's picture

Don't give a second thought about Jabba the Hut and his new OW. They are "in love"? No THEY aren't in love, she is........he is incapable, remember? You MUST always remember that, when it comes to the OW. Don't give her a second thought, in all fairness, she is as vulnerable as we were, falling fast and hard as we did, so she is really an innocent victim like us and we may find her on this forum in the near future. Concentrate on YOU, and getting through NC. As far as the 4th of July, start new traditions, enjoy the day for what it stands for.....FREEDOM!!! Make that day a day of personal freddom for you! Enjoy the company of friends, family, neighbors, etc.......people that really matter. Go to bbq's, picnics,firework displays, the pool....whatever you choose to do, it's YOUR day. Make it the first day of the rest of your life! Enjoy your freedom!
FreedomJane's picture

Thank you so much for this comment. I feel like praying for her. But I also know that if it doesn't work out, he'll be in a spastic panic for more supply! Yikes.
Hunter's picture

They all get away with bad behavior, it's the end that counts. OW will be tossed to the curb, and chubby will get what he deserves in time! Think about the bad people in your life, at the end of the day they do get what's coming to them! Hunter
SoaperGirl's picture

I hadn't thought about the upcoming holiday. Just a few minutes ago though, i was looking at my narc's palace for sale. I seem to be doing good. I was looking with curiosity at his old home, but didn't really have any emotional reactions. Kinda shrugged it off. I pray now more than I ever have. The prayers fall in two categories: 1. I pray that everything the nar tries to do, he fails, that he doesn't win, and has to pay for all the harm he's done to me and other women. 2. That I stop thinking about him, become totally indifferent and dont' care about anything that he does or doesn't do, whatever...who cares at the end of the day? Yes, I would love it if narc boy lost everything, and his OW kicked him tot he curb. I am curious about what's going on between them now at about 4 1/2 months post breakup. I"m sure he had OW locked in at the time he broke up with me. I want to know what's going on. Is he cheating on her yet? How are they doing...will narc boy get kicked out (please God, le that happen! No, I dont' want him back. I want to forget about him. Yet, I can't do it yet! I'm trying! I try to stop thinking about him, but thoughts still crop up in my mind. I wish I knew what was going on in her house with him there. Or do I? Do I really care? Yes and no I think This is his second month living with her. Can anybody offer an educated guess? I'm curious more than anything. I want to think of them fighting, and the whole narc behavior in full bloom with his mask off.
FreedomJane's picture

This is not a typical relationship or breakup. This was the evolution of a relationship with a psychopath. He got us to that place where we became vulnerable because we felt safe doing that. And then he set in for the kill. That's what hurts so much. When I was with him, I was at my most vulnerable (which is a first for me) and when I was in that place, I became comfortable there and I felt beautiful. In my mind, I was learning how to have a healthy relationship, talk about feelings, share and connect. I felt so lucky! I felt so spoiled and taken care of. I felt accepted. He didn't destroy the relationship, he destroyed that part of me that finally had the courage to come out and feel like a woman. That's what hurts! So now... he picked up where he left off with "nerdy Jesus follower" and now Tubby can still feel that because his supporting role has been replaced with another body - - so the experience for him continues. Yeah, now I know better and now I am more educated... my mind is healed, my heart is healing, but my soul still wants to be fed.
Hunter's picture

That was excellent! Hunter