Joyfulheart's Story - Part 1

The mid-life N ( part 1)

Hi All. This is my first post although I've been on TPF for a while. Unless I've missed it, I haven't read anything about the "mid-life" N. This is my 58-y-o soon-to-be XN of 28 years. We have been married almost 28 years and have 3 children, twins who 19, and a 14- y-o.

The marriage was "ok" in the years before we had the twins. Both of my parents had already passed, and I am an only child. I knew some of his behavior wasn't appropriate-- the way he would get so angry when things didn't go his way, pouting, bad-mouthing our friends who seemed to be getting what they wanted out of life, and typically never happy about anything. I saw him thru several career changes in an effort to improve himself hoping that would make him happy. Although I didn't realize it had a name at the time, he was emotionally immature.

The years after the twins were born were some of my happiest yet as a couple we drifted apart. I was no longer "just his". It is awful to say, but I think (looking back), that he was jealous of the babies, the attention I gave them, and the time it took away from him.

He decided on a new career change which I fully supported. He was busy as he was working full time and going to school full time. He didn't make any effort to nurture a relationship with the kids although he could have in his down time but preferred doing other things like watch tv. Basically I was a single parent.

When the twins were 5, we had another baby ( a surprise!) He decided to pursue a master's degree in another part of the country, moving us 1200 miles from the only home I had ever known. He wasn't a great parent in the years he was in school but he became even worse after he finished and started working. Not only didn't he do things with the kids, he didn't even hardly talk to them. He picked on our oldest boy incessantly until he would avoid his dad at all costs. He favored the youngest child, and he could do no wrong while the other two were always in trouble for the things he did. He would go into a rage if the kids were fussing and crying. It got to the point in recent years that none of the kids really have any relationship with him at all. Three years ago, the affairs started --an emotional affair with a resident at work ( who is now a gyne surgeon), and two women he met on FB. He thinks he deserves the affairs and has no remorse in the infidelity since he deserves to be happy. He wants so much to be loved and admired since he has done " so much" for the kids and me, and they really don't feel anything at all because his treatment of them. He talks to the dogs better than he talks to the kids. All three kids are in therapy.