I think I may have been involved with a narcissist...Need answers/opinions. I need to move on once and for all.
We met at work.
I had been living with a different man for the last few years and things were not going well. He was married with 4 grown kids. (i know, I look back and feel awful). But He claimed he had been married to a woman he never loved and was abusive to him and his kids for 30 years. I always thought it was strange they went on to have 4 kids together, but I felt sorry for him. I'm a very sensitive and caring person and feel I can help people.
My coworker and I started out friending each other on Facebook, which is where I learned about his bad marriage and I told him personal things about what I was going through at home (ugh!).
He told me he was in love with me from afar for many years (we worked in different departments and never knew each other). He claimed to tell a co-worker, I'm going to marry her one day. She's the love of my life. OMG I felt like a million dollars - just like a romantic movie! He was so sweet, walked me to my car after work, opened the door for me...told me many times throughout the day how beautiful I was, we were soul mates --- even told me my newly deceased parents sent him to me so that I would be happy. We were simply "perfect for each other" "the perfect fit"....no one would EVER love me the way he did...
I was totally hooked. No one ever treated me this way. I believed him we were meant to be together. In the meantime, I was in the process of starting a business with my current live-in boyfriend and wasn't able to leave (money issues) We talked about leaving each other's significant others to be together.
He wanted to marry me. He wanted me to move out right away and get an apartment with him. I reluctantly agreed. He then totally discarded his wife. Packed his things while she was at work and never looked back (COWARD). At the time I understood because as far as I knew she was abusive and I was worried about his safety. Never said a word to her. I told him he should try to find a way to someday be on good terms since they have 4 kids together and would be face to face eventually with graduations, weddings, grandchildren, etc., but he didn't want anything to do with her. Note: he eventually did the same to me by moving to another city without telling me and I KNOW I wasn't abusive, so I doubt she actually was)
Anyway, he moved into an apartment and waited for me. Even though I was crazy about him, something in my gut felt strange about how fast this was going. He was financially not in a good place and I think he may have needed me to pay 1/2 rent. I explained I made a mistake and I wasn't in a position to walk out on my current boyfriend, (who knew what was going on) also because I had invested my savings into a business venture that was taking a few years to take off. But at His insistence he still wanted to see me, which we did.
He said ok he wanted to wait for me because he loved me more than "life itself". Even more than his own children!! (red flag). I was SO CONFUSED because I thought I was in love with him, but I still loved my boyfriend. I know I should have cut things off with Him, but I couldn't. I was hooked.
Please know this, I told him I had no right to keep him from dating others since I was still living with Bf temporarily and all I ask is that he please just tell me and I would walk away. He said NO WAY he wanted to date anyone else. He was crazy about me and only me. He would wait forever if he had to even though I disagreed. I felt sorry for him because he complained he had no one and was lonely and I was probably sleeping and cuddling with Mike and he couldn’t handle that. He was jealous/envious of that and told me constantly (the reason I told him I was ok with him moving on)
Anyway, He got laid off from his job. He had to temporarily move in with his elderly parents in another city. All this time he professed his love to me and how he wanted me to leave and be with him. We saw each other alot. I thought things were moving in that direction.
All of a sudden, some woman was appearing on his facebook page in family photos and when I questioned him he swore they were “just friends (they dated 3 years in HS, but she ended up marrying and divorcing a friend of his). She lived in another city. Again, I told him to just be honest what he wanted and I would back away and still be friends.
He used to text and call me daily and was always so excited to hear my voice, but now it took him longer to answer texts, his phone started going into voicemail, he was starting to give me the silent treatment, etc, so I played detective and scoured his FB page and this woman’s...) Well, I figured out he was seeing this woman for the last 2 years while he was telling me I was his soul mate forever. and found out he was living at the same address as her. OMG I was devastated! I felt like such a fool. I was conned. I totally trusted him, shared everything with him. Thought I was going to die. When I called him and cried over the phone, he got mad at ME and hung up. He later texted me that she was a friend and he was " renting a room" in her house to save money and swore time and time again they were only friends.
More detective work - I looked at her Facebook page and she had posted they had been “in a relationship with him since 13”. Again I showed him proof. He said he doesn’t know why she would put that on there an it wasn’t true. So….he must have went into her Facebook account and blocked me so that I couldn’t see anything. He swears he didn’t and doesn’t know how to block. She knows nothing about me, so why would she block me?? Big time gas lighting me. He eventually blocked me on HIS Facebook page - the reason was because he couldn’t stand looking at all the beautiful photos I posted and that he couldn’t handle all the men who would “like” my photos and that I was on the prowl!!! OMG the subtle put downs started coming (of course, he had new supply).
Here’s the thing, once I called him out on the lies he started getting emotionally abusive by giving me the silent treatment for days, hanging up on me, not answering my questions, throwing things back at me, etc….
So, did I finally get it and move on? No I hate to say I was SO devastated someone could con me in this way. Not only that, he started to post photos of them online arm & arm doing things together. (my sister could see and told me since I was blocked on Facebook) When I questioned it he said I had “an imagination” and there was nothing he could do about it. Never gave me an answer. Threw it all back on my because of my living situation. Called me a liar, a gold digger, selfish ——all the things he was doing!!! The ultimate hipocrite!!
But the worst was the silent treatment. If I questioned him, he simply wouldn’t answer me for days. total disrespect.
I finally had enough. A friend sent me a photo of them and it looked like she had an engagement ring on. I questioned him. He said he had to marry her because he was diagnosed with An illness and his current new job had awful health insurance. He was marrying her for insurance reasons, but said he still wanted us to be together someday.. I said, but marriage is until “death do you ‘part” His answer was, “well my first wife and I weren’t until death do you part” OMG what a loser. So there it is. I had enough. So why am I having a tough time? We’ve been no contact for 9 months now!! He is married now and plastered it all over social media.
I never knew anyone Like this. I uncovered lie after lie after lie.
I would love to hear back on if you think this man is a narcissist. One thing that bothers me is how happy he looks with his new wife. I know he lied to her as well by seeing both of us at the same time…