It's official....I have no dignity

Ok girl, quit with the pity party! What are you going to do to change these rotten eggs to sunny side up? Done sourcing has awesome advice, all of us do! Let's start NC again and stick to it! It takes time and strength, I think you feel pretty bad, so remember this feeling next time to attempt contact! Hunter

You're not pathetic. I think your feelings for this person are making you doubt your character and sense of worth, it is normal. You are a normal person, you can't just switch your feelings off. He is not normal. Look at it this way, no matter how much you love him...would he stand for this treatment if he was the one on the receiving end? NO I did what you are doing for years, and it made him realise I had no boundaries when it came to him. He could steam roller me and I would still be accommodating to his every whim. He was disgusted by me too, and you know what I don't blame him. One day I wokeup with a sense of anger and realised NO MORE! I think sometimes you need to reach that point of no return. The moment came just before my 27th birthday....I thought to myself, do I really want to wakeup at 30 and have spent my entire 20's with a man who is incapable of loving me and will probably leave me high and dry one day? The excitement and love we feel for them is so entangled in fear that sometimes it feels like you can't walk away. It is their behaviour that makes us feel this way. The moment comes when you realise that you are responsible for your life and no one else, and that you owe it to yourself to break free. If you don't treat yourself with respect, no one will. I was in the same place as you not that long ago, it does get better. The moment you get away from him you feel weak and like you aren't good enough, but soon you wakeup from the brain washing and realise you are so much better than this person and pardon the pun shit all over them! It has to start with you though, you have to want more for yourself. Make a committment to yourself to have a better life, to want more for yourself, especially when it comes to relationships. Life is too short! You will feel normal again, trust me! I have not felt this good in years. I still have my shit days and miss him...but I no longer doubt who I am. I feel strong, independent, firey and like my old self has returned. My soul is thanking me for my decision. No ammount of missing someone is equivalent to the amazing changes that will happen to your spirit and self esteem when you finally cut this man out of your life. I used to think my ex thought nothing of me, that I was just a push over...seeing him the other day at work, made me realise how far I have come. I was the one who walked by as if he didn't exist this time, not the other way. If I were to have a conversation with him now, he wouldn't know who he was talking to. Go get your balls back!!! Fight for yourself, having you in one piece again is so much more fulfilling. Imagine him seeing you strong again, use this as a motivation, soon you won't need it.

dont be embarrassed or ashamed. you name is smarter than this. Its never too late to start a new habit. So kick him and his memory to the curb and stop taking crumbs. start giving yourself the whole cake.

I loved the comment that you did not lose him, he lost You! That is exactly the case. Don't beat yourself up for loving him.. we All here got tricked into loving a mask.. a very shallow individual that had nothing any deeper to give us..or let us work with! I felt the same way. I had to live with my N for a month after the D&D. I had to get arrangements made to move back across the country, since I'd moved to be with him! In a way, I'm glad for that month. I know that I did all I could to make things "right". I also lost my dignity in the process. I have it back now. And you will too!!!

You know what I think? I think you are getting awareness that you don't want this crap in your life anymore. I hear that you have emotional distress right now. You are beating yourself up pretty good right now. You will stop that soon. It is part of the process. What you think and feel now is not what you will think and feel in just a short while. How about grasping onto this. Either you are being ignored by a Narc, and feeling crappy. Or a Narc is feeding you with their mirroring and projection and need for supply, and when that again ends you will feel crappy. So...without him means feeling crappy, and with him means feeling crappy shortly. And you already know why. Because he is DISORDERED IN HIS PERSONALITY, and that will never change (the books say it, and my experience and many others on here proves it). I looked up dignity on the web. It says Main Entry: dignity Part of Speech: noun Definition: excellence, nobility Synonyms: address, cachet, character, consequence, courtliness, culture, decency, decorum, distinction, elevation, eminence, ethics, etiquette, glory, grace, grandeur, gravity, greatness, hauteur, honor, importance, loftiness, majesty, merit, morality, nobleness, perfection, poise, prestige, propriety, quality, rank, regard, renown, respectability, seemliness, self-respect, significance, solemnity, splendor, standing, state, stateliness, station, stature, status, sublimity, virtue, worth, worthiness I bet if you go nc for awhile, you will have alot of these traits demonstrated through you very quickly. Like alot of us, you have been sucked into the darkness of the emptiness of the Narc. I also bet all those friends you exhausted will rest up and be back in your corner, and I'll bet they all think you have dignity when you aren't under the spell of a Dark Nark. ds

No..you don`t have too feel this way. How many times I`ve been in that dark place, if somebody would have paid me, by now I`d have a fortune! And so is, one of my old best friends, that now she`s lost in her own chaos. But I have faith, that she will make it someday. And so are you! I don`t know what he has done this time to you, but before turning all the anger into yourself, please try and remember that he will do the EXACT same thing, 10 years from now. To another soul. They feed on the light of other people, because they have none inside. Don`t ask too much of yourself now. Just take time to stay in this place, as long as you feel it`s necessary, like a butterfly in its cocoon. Let him laugh now. Let him enjoy as much as he can. Your justice will not be short lived, the best justice it will be your own life, lived to the fullest! Last time, mine devalued and discarded me, I stayed almost 2 months, maybe more, in a trance of numbness. I couldn`t feel joy, I couldn`t laugh, I couldn`t even cry. I was in an emotional and spiritual coma. He had his fun and laughs then, his "control". Then I realised, that`s how he must "feel" all the time, or should I say, not feel! It was terrible. Hollowness. Don`t listen to the mouths who say, you must heal faster and faster, they don`t know what they are talking about. But your heart and spirit does. Do nothing today, sleep, maybe sleep tomorrow as well. Listen to music, get out of the house, or don`t get out. Learn to feel fine with yourself again..maybe listen to some meditation music. It will take as much time as you give it to. Nobody rushes you. And please, remember this, if you find yourself envying his blank consciousness: you CAN heal, and feel again. he CAN`T. Peace!!

and the next and the next...start anew with NC tomorrow...and in a week- i swear you will suddenly feel some dignity, then another day, week, month- you will feel empowered....it grows with every day of NC. I am over 9 weeks of total NC and I feel dignified and more whole than I have in months..... It begins again..don't give up on yourself sweetie....

I am so sorry that you are feeling so disappointed in yourself. Why? Because you love someone who is incapable of loving you back? What you are feeling is real, who he is, is not real. Never let him make you feel this terrible! Pick yourself up off the ground, dust yourself off and tell yourself that you are better then this, and the ONLY stupid thing you have ever done was to not leave him WHEN YOU KNEW YOU SHOULD HAVE.......that is why we are all where we are........we didn't listen to our gut instinct, we ignored the initial signs.........knowing this now, that he is what he is and that none of this is your fault, should give you a feeling of empowerment! Feel better, tomorrow is another day, and it will be better!