It's my fault

As I sit back and think about all the things I did for him, I realize I did a lot of this stuff and he never even asked me to. I did everything to earn back his approval, to prove to him that he could trust me and I would love him through his pain. Mostly, so he would know that I always would have his back and I would never leave him.

The crazy part is I never really understood how I lost his approval in the first place. I always treated him with love.

It's my fault, because he never promised me anything. Yet, I gave him EVERYTHING over the last year and a half based upon the first 5 months we spent together. This concept baffles me, why would I give someone my time, my body, my soul, and my money based on the first 5 months of knowing him. I begged him to bring that person back and I asked him why he changed. He told me after ST number 17, that there was nothing wrong with me, that I am beautiful and smart just the way I am and I had done nothing wrong. He told me this 4 months ago, and that was the closure I begged him for. He gave it to me and I still stayed. It's my fault.