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  5. It's interesting when you hear from a past narc...and see he/she hasn't changed

It's interesting when you hear from a past narc...and see he/she hasn't changed

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#1 Oct 15 - 12PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

It's interesting when you hear from a past narc...and see he/she hasn't changed

What brought me to this website here last year, was a different narc than the recent one I broke up with. I promise, I'm DONE DONE DONE with narcs. But, as some of you might recall, he was more of a cerebral narc. Christian. He ran a ministry. Etc...he broke things off with me, shortly after telling me he wanted to marry me, after about 3 weeks of knowing me. haha The narc I broke up with earlier this year, he also told me he wanted to marry me after about 3 week. SEEING A PATTERN? LOL

Ok. So, we were ''friends,'' but I really looking back now, only believe he wanted to maintain contact because he viewed me as supply on the backburner. He would tell me about women he was sleeping with...and then, say how badly he felt about it, being christian and all. I struggled breaking free from him, and then this year I did. Well, he resurfaced a few months ago. I thought...wow, he changed. NOPE. He didn't. Soon into our communication, he started his nonsense again. Picking on me, putting me down. Ugh.

I finally just went silent. He sent me a few texts, I didn't reply. So, he sends me an email recently. And it's all about how he changed churches, and how people miss him at his old church. AS IF NOTHING BAD HAD TRANSPIRED BETWEEN US. Like he picked up as if no time has passed. lol

I didn't reply. Have no desire. Deleted the email, and closed out of yahoo. lol It feels so good and EMPOWERING to finally have control of how I respond to these types.

But, I post this here, because it shows. ALLLLL this time that has passed since last year...and he is still the same narc he always was. A christian narc, but one nonetheless. I personally think those are the worst kind, for they use their faith to draw attention to themselves...and to lure in women. Ugh Bleck!

Anyways, just wondering if you guys have any similar stories...whereby it's been a long while, and you bumped into your ex narc...and they're still the same as where you left them. lol

The recent narc from this year? HE'LL NEVER EVER CHANGE. I don't need to know what he's up to anymore to know that. But, it was eery for lack of a better word, to hear from this guy of last year, and see he hadn't changed a bit. Still obsessed with self. AND STILL THINKS I CARE. lol!!

Oct 16 - 2AM
Sea
Sea's picture

Same old same old!

I just left Narc 10 weeks ago. From what i see in his "track record" he never change. In an intimate moment i ever asked him does he ever have any regrets about leaving some of the very good woman in his life, not married for 50+ years of his life, no kids of his own? He actually said no! And i think he really mean no! So never changing ever playing the field chew up people along the way spitting out skeletons and moving on and on never looking back ever living in the present. Thats how they are like roaming the earth no anchor no feeling float around till the day they expire.
Oct 15 - 2PM
empath
empath's picture

They don't change...ever.

Hopefully we do though...and for the better! I can honestly say after 6 years the N I was with is the same man doing the same things and without one ounce of introspection, enlightenment or self-improvement. The only thing that had changed is his self-pity has increased. He relayed to me when I broke NC a few weeks back (which I regret doing, even though it was a fairly benign experience) is that he has "been in a mental funk" for the last few years and that things are not as easy for him as they were a few years ago and are "becoming increasingly more difficult". I have come to terms with knowing I did everything I could to be Superwoman for him, and that nothing I did would have ever been good enough. I have grown and changed so much, and he just stays stuck. So now I appreciate that who I am is plenty good enough, and if I am going to be Supewoman its because I am living my potential for me, not him or someone else. Ns don't change, they don't grow, they don't evolve, they don,'t learn and they don't move forward. They stay stuck in the same spot doing the same things and when someone like us comes along who manages to get out of range of their grasp, they just stay right where they are and wait for someone new to pass by. They blame the mirror that no longer reflects back what they want to see, and they find a new mirror.
Oct 15 - 12PM
Used
Used's picture

they dont change, but i have

they dont change, but i have found this with other people as well...maybe i havent seen them for a few years, then as the begin talking, i think omg,she hasent changed a bit...still horrible...lol myexn is still doing exacactly what he was doing when i first met him in 2005.....drinking,eating, causing mayhem, even the same clothes, same attitudes, this is why we go back so many times, b/c in the time away from them,we have pondered and had a realy good think....we think so will they ,and relizeing what they done wrong they will change....NO WAY. i went back one time,that it had been 5mnths since i saw him,so we went and had coffee and he began moaning about something,and i said you havent changed have you...he said, no and i never fucking will...i said goodbye that time....it turned out, his pal, his sister, and a women friend and me, had said the same thing to him within weeks....his sister had kicked him out of her house,saying you havent fxxking changed a bit...he answer with the same answer he gave me.....he said later, i cant change now, i dont know who i am anymore.....maybe true.....its not my problem anymore now....
Oct 15 - 12PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

They don't change

I heard about my former Narc boss thru a former coworker of mine who briefly worked at my workplace. My former Narc boss had applied to be supervisor at my current workplace, I even saw his application on the desk... I assume he never got as far as an interview. My former coworker talked about how our former boss was at a new nursing home. My former Narc boss assumed I had wanted to work for him again (WRONG) I haven't applied at that new nursing home, nor will I ever do so. In '09, I found out the ex-Psych prof had given a lecture. As expected, his grammar was still tortured (I read the summary of the lecture, not the actual lecture) His use of the English language was obviously WORSE. It was some odd combination of "War and Peace",Schopenhauer&Wittgenstein. You know, it's difficult to have an underlying, connective concept when one naturally compartmentalizes EVERYTHING. I would've only gone to the lecture if Colin Firth were reading it, because he's hot. Plus, he also has good dental hygiene.