It's A Bad Night - PLEASE Remind Me . . .

I'm struggling again. Haven't contacted him, not about to, but the cognitive dissonance is in full force today. I think this time of year is bad for me.

Please, please, please help me remember the following:

1) He was with his ex-wife for seven or eight years before they got married, and according to him, she bolted after a year of marriage and immediately went NC, only communicating with him through her divorce attorney. There was a obviously a reason for this.
2) He's had more relationships than I can count - than I think even HE could count - from the time we were teenagers until now (including the floozy he took up with after me and seems to still be with, who had quite the reputation even way back when we were all kids), and his one and only foray into marriage, his wife left him (see #1). And I've often wondered why it took them that long to get married in the first place.
3) He sat in my living room, called one of his woman "friends" while snuggled up next to me, and when she asked if he was at his parents' home, he said "Yes," not knowing I could hear her end of the conversation.
4) He told me he'd invited a number of other women "friends" to his engagement party and that at least two of them were off sobbing in corners wailing that they'd always thought THEY would be the one he wound up with. Why did each of them think that? And why the hell would he invite them to his ENGAGEMENT party? This is a huge, huge flag, clearly.
5) One woman he dated before he was married ("I wasn't really into her, but I wasn't looking for anyone else") was apparently so jealous that she'd follow him all around town, convinced he was cheating. There was certainly a reason for this, too.
6) He referred to one of his woman "friends" as "psycho," another as "weird," and said a third had "mental issues." Incidentally, the "psycho" was one of the ones bawling about not ending up with him at his engagement party, and it was the "weird" one he called from my home and lied to - in front of me - about where he was.

My "red flag" list goes on and on and on, but it's these things I'm trying to focus on right now as I struggle with the idea that he'll settle down with the floozy, since it's been a year now, and they have oodles of friends/drinking buddies in common, much more than he and I have. In my mind, they're like peas in a pod and everything must be wonderful. I need to remember his pattern with women before me and during me.

It's hard because my ex was one of the stealthiest, most covert, most subtle narcissists I think the world has ever seen. He never hit me, never raged at me, never belittled me or called me names, never stole from me, never threatened me - it was all about the mind games with him, and he was so slick that even now, I can see that he was definitely passive aggressive to a T . . . but was/is he a narcissist? Is he really irreparably broken, or does he just need the right woman? And then my heart breaks and I feel so awful about myself for not being good enough.

I hate when I get like this. Please help me.