It helps me to see him as a robot

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#1 Sep 27 - 10PM

KeshaN

It helps me to see him as a robot

I know this may sound wacky but I wanted to share my thoughts.

Imagine a robot.Well, these robots were created for a purpose and they were to fulfill this purpose no matter what. They have no conscious, no emotions, they were only programmed to for a specific purpose and this is all they know.

Well see the N this way. They were programmed in childhood to get supply. They have no conscious, no emotions and no other goal in life but just that. Not only that they have no personality. They need us for fuel/supply to keep going.

Their mind is so narrow. It is only focused on supply and that is all. They will get it no matter what because that is what they were programmed to do and their very survival depends on it. They don't even think for one minute how getting this supply will effect you or how anything else they do will effect you. they were not programmed that way and they have no conscious.

Does a robot have a concsious? Does a robot know how to love? No, it is simply hardware. Your computer has no feelings and it doesn't feel guilty when it malfunctions on you or crashes.

The N is this way. When it sees us the only thing it is thinking about is the supply we can give. It stores all of our information for that reason.

Around others it is constantly storing information from others. Information that can be used to help them or info that can be used to manipulate a victim.

Every time my N speaks it all sounds so fake. I'll say something one day and a week later he'll say the same thing I said. When he talks it sounds like it is his sister talking. He is several personalities in one. He is everyone he knows wrapped in one. He says things I know he got from somewhere else. everything he says is so empty and he contradicts himself in the next sentence. He says whatever pops up in his mind.

When we stand in the way of them getting supply or we start wanting equal attention we change into an enemy. We are standing in the way. We are not working properly they are outraged at us. They hate us. They were programmed to protect information about their program at all cost and we are requesting information, we are asking them to reprogram themselves. This is a problem because they were programmed to never reprogram and to become hostile if asked to reprogram.They may malfunction because they don't understand this command! They become abusive throw tantrums and switch to defensive mode. They cannot do it. NEVER!!!!

I see him like this. I know its crazy but every time he sends me text he sounds so fake. Those aren't his words he stole them. This isn't his personality he has none. He doesn't love me he cannot love. We may be tools to them but to me they are robots walking around empty.

#2 Sep 29 - 5AM

Nemesis

Kesha!

I'm so glad you posted this because I have also thought this for a while (but didn't have the nerve to come out with it) and I agree with you 100%. I see them as being like "The Terminator". Remember that line spoken by Kyle Riess in the original film? "It doesn't feel pity or remorse, it can't be bargained with, it can't be reasoned with and it absolutely will not stop." That's what comes into my mind when I think about my psycho ex.

#3 Sep 29 - 2AM

Done sourcing

And it isnt personal, because

And it isnt personal, because it is what they do to anybody, we just stood in front of the fan, and when the shit hits the fan it isnt distributed evenly! If they are robots, they need power, and nc disconnects that source, so nc removes us completely as a source of supply! ds

#4 Sep 29 - 7AM (Reply to #24)

Sea

Disconnect the source!

It shows that our NC has real power! Good illustration! We need such good pointers often to encourage us on NC. Honestly NC is not easy and I come here daily for strength to move on another day.

#5 Sep 29 - 2AM

ifinallygotit

wish i could visualize this too

But my exN would clearly show shame in his bad behavior and feel bad about himself (note I did not say feel bad about the pain inflicted) - for a minute, before he would do more damage.

#6 Sep 29 - 2AM (Reply to #22)

Done sourcing

"show shame", is different

"show shame", is different than "feel shame"! A show is a display, an act, they saw it, they mirror it and recite the words and maybe even the correct facial expressions, but they dont mean it the way we think they mean it. ds

#7 Sep 28 - 4PM

Susan32

The Borg Collective

I read somewhere (was it http://io9.com ?) that the Japanese are making realistic teaching robots-if so, the ex-Psych prof's hold on tenure might not be all that strong! Besides, if they pass the Turing Test as being convincingly human and exhibit emotions-he really should be checking the employment ads, that, or he should go back to his creator because he's still in Beta mode.* During the relationship with the ex-P,I wrote a cheesy romance about a woman on the Enterprise who falls for a guy-and whether or not he's part of the Borg collective when they meet-I don't remember. She ends up saving him, or he becomes a benevolent automaton, I don't know. I guess I was trying to figure out my issues. I also had ideas for a story in which Harry Potter&Voldemort mutually destroy each other, but Harry becomes a humanoid Cylon (albeit a good one) aboard a resurrection ship. Yeah, love and robots. My classmates would pity the ex-P's piano teacher for how she had to deal with having an unemotional, robotic student. They'd speculate how sex with him would be robotic (we were all making educated guesses, I didn't ever test it) His favorite movies were the Terminator series and he liked the Matrix-with its concept of machines controlling humans. In the ex-P's favorite novel, "War and Peace",Napoleon describes the body as a "machine for living." The robot idea WORKS.

#8 Sep 28 - 4PM

Crazy Train

KeshaN

Hi KeshaN, OMGosh, you hit the nail on the head!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your Robot scenario makes perfect sense and really had an impact on me! My N is just like you describe. Whenever I tried to get ANY info from him, he would freak out and shut down. Once and only once, he said to me "ask me whatever you want to know now, while I feel ok". Hmmmmm, very telling. Needless to say, I thought it was a set up and I was at my wits end with him & the "relationship" so I didn't ask anything. Thank you for making me feel better.

#9 Sep 28 - 4AM

Sea

Out of Context and Cut & Paste Job

Everything my exN defended himself on something, I felt that it comes from things that people have accused him in the past. He would say like "I am worried about you, not myself but you!!". "Its all about you, not me" Look like in his 50+ Narc years of life, these are what people around him accused him of and when he defended himself he pull it out of his memory box and apply it. Sometimes it sounded so out of context and like some cut paste job!

#10 Sep 28 - 2AM

ifinallygotit

mine

Would call me and have nothing to say and then just repeat what I said instead of have a normal conversation - it was so weird. Yet when being interviewed by the media he sounds like a totally normal, humorous person with a nice personality. He was very literal and would believe anything you told him

#11 Sep 28 - 7PM (Reply to #15)

FarmGirl

Repeating

My N mirrors my conversation sometimes...very freaky... Me: I'm really unhappy that you never come to bed with me. Him: You're really unhappy that I never go to bed with you. Me: Yes! I hate it. Him: You hate it. The conversation is completely one-sided and pointless so I drop it. Which I am fairly certain was his intention all along...

#12 Sep 30 - 1AM (Reply to #17)

ifinallygotit

Yes! exactly like this!

At first I thought is was because of low intelligence, but as I got to know him, I could see that he was quite astute at assessing complex things though nonverbal in general. I have NEVER seen anyone behave life this - repeating words instead of conversing and then he would just go silent but want to stay on the phone (but why??)! so freaky

#13 Sep 28 - 11PM (Reply to #16)

KeshaN

Farmgirl

Your guy seems very annoying (offense) but it almost sounds like he was mocking you. I just realized that my N would say things that I know never came from him. When he talked it was like his sister/bestfriend/cousin said. Like for example: recently we were trying to discuss somethings and I was trying to be very civil and business like with him. He kept getting upset and saying really mean things instead and that is when I said "I don't have to deal with this crap from you anymore...that's the beauty of divorce." A week later we were into it and he said the same exact statement to me. I was laughing inside because he is not able to find anything to say on his own. He has to take my words and use it as his on. He has done this so many times. His friend always uses the MF word everytime he speaks. To me it is so uncalled for but its used like 3 times in every sentence. My N began talking just like this all of the time. EVery idea someone else has he uses it. He tries to sound all intelligent using what other people say. He is like a little sponge sucking up others viewpoints and ideas. Too bad he can't suck up other peoples humanity and self awareness.

#14 Sep 28 - 4PM (Reply to #12)

Pride and Shame

Literal

This was interesting. He couldn't grasp abstractions. It was weird. Poetry, concepts, etc.. He really struggled with these things. I remember him telling me he was "concrete" and didn't see symbolism like I did. I've read this in literature about narcissism and psychopathy as well.

#15 Sep 29 - 6PM (Reply to #14)

Susan32

Interpretation

The ex-Psych prof fancied himself a philosopher... yet like your Narc, he had a hard time with abstractions(!) In lab class, we'd be talking philosophy... and he'd look confused. My 2 year old nephew has more abstract thinking (maybe I should fill out an application so he can teach at my alma mater, since he's smart, kind, has a sweet disposition, and has the basics of language) The ex-P didn't like poetry. He made a point about it. So when he taught Shakespeare's Sonnets, it came as a shock. I said,"Don't you dislike poetry?" He said he wanted to try something different. Apparently, the class was very literal... more about him going on and on and on about the Sonnets addressed to the Handsome Young Man... and lots of wine consumption. During the final D&D, I was reading Leo Tolstoy's "Anna Karenina." The ex-P interpreted it literally, taking Tolstoy's saying that it was about "the fall of a noble woman from grace" at face value. It's like he couldn't grasp the relationships with the novel, and I had to explain them to him. However, I wrote an essay that spoke to me about "Anna Karenina"... all about Daddy issues... how Anna Karenina and Princess Kitty are wed to men old enough to be their fathers and who treat them like children. I looked the novel and made it my own. I took it personally. I might as well have titled it "How Anna Karenina Saved My Life." Tho the novel ends with Anna killing herself after the abuse she receives from her cerebral Narc husband Alexei and the somatic Narc Vronsky... I was finding my way out. It was like the thread in the Labyrinth that Theseus and Ariadne used to find their way to the Minotaur-and back to the sunlight. Literalism is COMMON among Ns/Ps. The ex-P didn't like music either, because it is even more difficult to grasp than art and poetry. Music speaks to the emotions... there is no way it can be taken literally. Music is personal. My former Narc boss appreciated music;the ex-Psych prof didn't. Not all Narcs are capable of enjoying music.

#16 Sep 28 - 11PM (Reply to #13)

KeshaN

Yes they cannot comprehend

Yes they cannot comprehend anything deep. Poetry and art are deep things and takes another deep person to really get it. Atleast thats how I view it. My N probably would read poetry only to take these meaningful words and use it on a victim.

#17 Sep 27 - 11PM

Gravity

Robots

Wow, this is an incredibly profound concept. Very true. Think about it too, would it be beneficial to waste anymore time and anger on a mere robot? Nope. Theyre never ever going to get it and quite frankly it's not even their fault.. they were just programmed that way. "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." The best we can do is move on and live happy healthy lives. A robot will never feel like we can, a robot will never love like we can, and thats what the exact thing that makes humans and robots different. A robot is NOT a human, and that is exactly THEIR tragedy.

#18 Sep 27 - 11PM (Reply to #9)

freaked

i know that many of the other

i know that many of the other women have been harmed by the married narc. i understand that a narc begins to despise his wife the moment he marries her. i get it that they are programmed to decieve.. IF so, then why is my narc husband SO utterly faithful and headoverheels crazy about the hooker gf he picked up last year? if i had discovered that he is twotiming that woman, i would have felt better. but he is stark nark crazy about her and is going to marry her bigamously. don't know what to make of this? note: the earlier affairs he had..well, he never had wanted to marry any of them. and in those times, he was still attentive to us the family. only this time he has completely distanced from us.

#19 Sep 28 - 12AM (Reply to #10)

KeshaN

Freaked

I know it is hard. But think about the beginning of your relationship with him. I would hope since you married him it was magical and you two were happy and he even wanted to marry you and he did and you two had children. Did that last? Didn't he change? It must have taken a while but he did change didn't he? This new hooker is no different. I think that he has D&D. See my N didn't discard me he just devalued me. I discarded him after he devalued me. So with the OW he cheated on you with before he still wanted you. He was just devaluing you he didn't discard you so he still kept you and he still was a part of your family. But now he has finally discarded you. Now he is going to make her his wife to take your place. It is nothing more special about her. For goodness sakes she is a hooker. Do you think he really can respect a hooker? All he is doing is luring her in and he is dedicated to that right now just like he was with you when he met you. As soon as she says "I Do" he will treat her like the hooker that she is. I would like to also point out that they may seems so happy but you never know what is going on behind closed doors. She may not care if he did mess around on her. They may have an open relationship, he may be pimpin her, etc. U never know what is there behind it all. At this point he may like the supply she is giving him, he may see something in her that he can use...who knows. Don't let it get you down. If it does work out with them it says a lot about her. She hasn't gotten anything good and do you honestly think that he is going to be completely faithful to her? She just may not know about his cheating yet.

#20 Sep 27 - 10PM

freaked

Bingo, on the button post

Bingo, on the button post this one is! Kesha, i will agree that NH is robotic around the house, but in those days when i snooped i have chillingly noted how warm, adoring, caring, and generally unrobotic he is with that hooker gf of his of the past year. he had not showed any sign of wanting to mindfuck her. in fact he has written away his will to the hooker, and also his insurance. not that i am after his money, but since i am still the wife since 20+ years, i felt this was all so weird. Our child is treated like trash by him. I know i have no choice right now.. and even later when i leave... i would not be able to forget that my entire life got wasted because of the NH. It is not humanly possible not to feel deep regret. besides, i was a one man woman. i did never even feel like hooking up in an extramarital fling..ugh..not for me.. around this time last year, I remember NH telling me that he felt like a Robot. i did not understand why he was saying that. i asked him...your wife and child ( us) love you...but you are so distant and uncaring and always picking fights...why? He had no reply...he accused us of being ungrateful wretches.

#21 Sep 27 - 11PM (Reply to #6)

lillymarch

I know how you feel. After 20

I know how you feel. After 20 years with someone I expected at least some loyalty. But no, it's not in the cards for me. I have wasted so much time. Life with these children I will never regret but life with the constant drama, confusion, and craziness is something I could have lived without. I, too, am loyal and faithful and never desired an extramarital affair. They sure didn't know how good they had it. Keep your eye on the prize, freaked. That prize is you leaving!

#22 Sep 28 - 12AM (Reply to #7)

freaked

Thank you lillymarch. i will

Thank you lillymarch. i will not be able to quit for a few years more. i am feeling very very frustrated and angry today. he has gone on yet another fancy business trip/holiday abroad with the floozie. lilly, we are in such different geographic locations, but facing exactly the same problem. really so strange. are you going to be able to quit? Or is it that like me you are also staying on due to financial reason? i just hope and pray that i am allowed to stay here until i am able to gather financial self reliance for my child and me. it is all so incredibly terrible. lilly, how i wish we were neighbors and could at least meet and talk. this loneliensss and isolation out here is horrendous.

#23 Sep 27 - 10PM

FarmGirl

right on the money with this one

I can't tell you the number of times I've heard something come out of N's mouth and thought that I was hearing myself speak. Even down the games, tones and inflections I use with our son... Weirds me out. I've said that he is slowly attempting to take me over by stealing my personality (paraphrase longer rant...LOL).

#24 Sep 29 - 10AM (Reply to #4)

Trulybroken

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me too! I would say something and moments later, my ex would repeat it. I used to have to do a double take wondering what he just said. The more I read this site and about N's, the more I am sure he was a huge N. wow!

#25 Sep 27 - 11PM (Reply to #2)

jonnie

No Original Thoughts

They have very few original or creative thoughts of thier own, so yes, communication feels very much robotic. Once ExN spent an entire morning texting me sentences directly from the book, "The Secret" as if what he was writing were his thoughts and ideas! It took awhile for me to remember where I had heard what he was saying before. Once I did, I replied, "Yea, I read 'The Secret' too". That topic of conversation ended immediately, never to be mentioned again. I did chalk that one up as a 'win' for me! LOL Thanks for making the robot analogy. It makes perfect sense to me!

#26 Sep 28 - 12AM (Reply to #3)

Better than ever

Mine would say things like

Mine would say things like "Sitting here with the stars above on this moonlit night, having you beside me would make this evening perfection..." He would text things like this after three weeks of dating... Even then I knew he must have read / watched these statements somewhere....and this was before I suspected Narcisssism......

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