It happened - He got engaged!!!

I don't know whether to cry or scream or punch someting. I feel dillusional right now. OMG.

And I didn't know whether to punch my "friend" - yup turns out I have another one of THOSE kinds of friends - (not anymore) who says "oh, have you heard anything about xN (I so want to post he f'ng name right now I had to delete three times there).... oh, I don't know if I should tell you". I was so pissed. I was like "really? why would you even start a f'ng sentence like that unless you WANTED a reaction out of me"...

yup. Went to jamaica with jer and got engaged in jamaice. The whole big fat fucking fantasy. That whole thing that was supposed to be me. It's her.

Yep. The woman he was stringing along all the while he was fucking me, until she would put out...

Yep... 3 months later. BAM! engaged. Going to get married. Going to live happily ever after.

I know! I know! I have large flickers of reality going on. Not CD. This just really hurts. It HURTS! ALOT! I can't believe it. WTF. How did I ever end up in this mess where I am the one left to combat my own mind after it has been toyed with, to the point of what looks like no repair....

How does a woman pick a man over her kid(s)? I can't wrap my head around any of this. And my terrible "need to know" is just killing me. And how can she NOT see what a freak liar cheater souless person he is? How can she NOT see that he has not person, he is only what he sees and gathers from her, he morphs in to that? How can she NOT see that?

OK. So I feel like what is wrong with me that I could not make that work with him? How come he didn't propose to me in like 3 months.

Reality - it probably wasn't three months. It is probalby more like 6 or 9 because he was probably with her for this entire year - that would be the year he was having sex with me. unreal. just on real. so ok. i do have some CD maybe. Flipping in and out in and out.

I just feel retarded and out of control. Like crazy. I have to go pick up my kids and go to my parents house. I can't even cry. I'm so pissed I can't cry.

I don't have any feelings like i want him back, I need him to come back none of that. I"m CLEAR on who and what he is. I got that. These are just feelings. And they are sucking really bad. My head is pounding. And I'm sitting thinking how did I ever get in this mess??????

round3