It happend... I finally saw him

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#1 Oct 24 - 3PM

chickon2

It happend... I finally saw him

Have not seen him face to face since August 11th.. Saw him do a drive by, by my house a few weeks ago, but his car has tints..

Went to the supermarket, and there he was... Doing that schmoozing back rubbing, eye googling thing he does, with her..

The student in my salsa class, that is married with a son..

He looked like he was singing in her ear.. I could imagine how many of the "songs" are being dedicated right now..

Love poems, that passionate way he kisses..Gifts, Gifts, & more Gifts..

Those sexy lies he tells you in your ear...

I feel stupid, relieved, hurt, & in a way justified...

I wish I could of went up to them ,and looked at her in the face, and say save yourself.. Please don't allow him to break up your family..

Please don't allow him to emotionally rape you.. Please get your self esteem up, and notice who he really is..

BUT I know how he is in the beginning, and the pull is way to strong... He is an addiction...

I am jealous too.. and I have no idea how to even wrap my head around that with everything I know....

I feel like he won't bother talking smack about me anymore now..

I don't know if she knows I dated him.. I do see her once a week..

blech...

Ok vent over....

#2 Oct 25 - 2PM

chickon2

makes sense

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#3 Oct 25 - 6AM

Used

chickon2

i dont know if this will help, but this is all for affect, he made sure you saw him ,so to me you are still in his head otherwise why bother, is it coincidence she is a student in your salse class, i dont think so... he is useing her to get at you... and i can identify with this... in that when i finished with narc, he kept JUST BUMPING INTO ME, with women and if he caught my eye he smirked[this was before i went no contact for good]... so one particular day i said.. thankyou for letting me know i am still in your head.. the woman with him said to him you f;;king user, and she turned to me and said... he kept saying is she looking ,has she seen us and i didnt know who he ment, now i do. she walked away and so did i... they are such pathetic sods...this is the man who when we were friends, said to me once...when you go home, i dont give you another thought until i see you again... i remember thinking how come you text me when i get home and am trying to do my dinner, he also tried to come on to my freinds when i finished with him...one friend did...she is now my ex friend.... they are such lowlife losers, i had that stress stomach due to his pathetic attempts to get to me... but all it should tell you chickon2 that we are in their heads..... no contact is the name of the game.... it kills their ego without us lifting a finger... i have been nc for over a year with narc and exh... on a bad day i think about them and their antics and i chuckle[well a bit]xxxxxxx

#4 Oct 25 - 11AM (Reply to #9)

chickon2

used...

I dunno.. I bumped into him.. well he didn't see me..I am sure of it.. I do feel like I am not letting go enough though.. I am listening to the stories. I was told that yday he was talking to someone and asked him Hey, you are still looking for that (insert my nationality) woman for me right? She can't be blonde.. (um the chick I saw him with, from class is blonde) AND I hate the fact, that it made me a bit happy???? that you said he is thinking about me I KNOW better.. I do.. I am usally the one of my friends that is soo matter of fact and does not act this way.. It's like I am obsessed or something.. AND I have my life really busy... with outside interests, my kids... I may have to say.. Ok peeps I don't even want his name mentioned but deep down I do...

#5 Oct 25 - 3PM (Reply to #12)

Briseis

This is normal (to deep down

This is normal (to deep down want his name mentioned). It's more of a "sign" of early recovery. Seriously, I still "rivet" when a family or friend who knows brings up the subject of my exN. It just doesn't blow my mind anymore, and that took time and healing to get there. I maintained very good NC, and it was broken accidentally by seeing my exN about town. I looked the other way, ignored him, whatever. But NC was "broken", and it affected me. The obsessions would ramp back up every single time. I don't think we can help that. It will pass on it's own. Get lots of support, and remind yourself to focus on YOU. Be disciplined with yourself about refocusing on yourself and away from him. It takes practise, like anything else. Don't beat yourself up for not being able to do it perfectly at first. No one can. It's a process. Getting it out here is a good thing.

#6 Oct 25 - 12PM (Reply to #10)

wholeagain

Chickon...

Yes, you do have to say that to your friends, and I know how very hard that is to do believe me! You know it makes you feel like crap to hear this stuff yet still crave the info. It's a crappy cycle and I went through it for a long time. It took me a while to close aaaaall the doors and get fully NC, but I promise when I did the fog started lifting and I felt better and better and still do. The first thing to disappear was his critical voice in my head. Now even when I'm posting here I rarely really think about the ex. The craving does goes away even though you wonder if it ever will. You start to really be able to process your feelings so that they aren't so overwhelming. The anger gets spent, the sadness softens, every day gets easier. So you've got that to look forward to!

#7 Oct 25 - 12PM (Reply to #11)

chickon2

wholeagain

Chica, you are not lying.... I need to get my head out of my Assets and put my foot down, and get myself away from this toxic mumbo jumbo.. EXN joker could care less, if I loved him, fed him, spoiled him , pampered him NOTHING.. WHY the heck am I sitting here in a confused funk? ick I have to tell you reading that EMpath stuff has made me nutty haha.. B/c I wanna think I have some weird connection to him or something or that I can "will " a way to see him . Like if I was Dionne Warwick and I had some psychic friend help??? am I Loca? All I know is that I am pissed..... AND DONE with this BS.. AND I hope this feeling lasts... B/c I must look like an obsessed psycho to my friends, and they don't wanna tell me anything.. Thank you for this.. "It took me a while to close aaaaall the doors and get fully NC, but I promise when I did the fog started lifting and I felt better and better and still do. The first thing to disappear was his critical voice in my head. Now even when I'm posting here I rarely really think about the ex. The craving does goes away even though you wonder if it ever will. You start to really be able to process your feelings so that they aren't so overwhelming. The anger gets spent, the sadness softens, every day gets easier. So you've got that to look forward to!" you rock

#8 Oct 24 - 3PM

jen79

chickon2

How do you feel now? This must have been so tough for you. How can you see that woman once a week without being triggered again and again? This must be so painful for you, what do you do now?

#9 Oct 24 - 3PM (Reply to #2)

chickon2

Jen79

Thank you for posting that, b/c I feel like If I told anyone right now, they would be like OMG you know he is a jerk.. So what.. THat is her problem.. AND they are all right.. WHy does this feel soooo ICK... Such a different feeling.. My Xh had an affair, that was hard.. If I thought about it I would hurry to the bathroom to puke.. This feels I dunno, Like a bad movie... I was not with him any where near as long as I was with my XH. I dunno maybe b/c it is new.. I don't wanna see her.. I had a stomach ache this past Friday, wonderfing if she was gonna show.. I had been told he was flirting with her.... I student teach her class... I think it is kind of spooky too, of all people he could be dating right now, he is dating the ONE GIRL that stands right next to me in class. I don't wanna act different towards her now.. It's a night mare. I feel weird....My heart doesn't hurt... I just feel gross & a bit jealous(haate that) AND He just told some people that I did voodoo on him... huh? Lord help us..

#10 Oct 24 - 3PM (Reply to #3)

jen79

chickon2

Let the feelings out hun, the stomach pain is a sign that you try to supress the feelings, been there done that. Just saying, cause since I allow myself to feel the emotions, crying, sadness, the stomach pain, the weight on chest and throat is gone. But anyway. Is there anyway, you can avoid this women? You will be triggered by seeing her again and again, but you might ask some people here, who still work with their Ns, since this is a similar situations. BIg Hugs for you!

#11 Oct 24 - 4PM (Reply to #4)

chickon2

I will just feel it

You and the peeps on here have been such a blessing.. You guys know EXACTLY the feelings without me even having to put into words.. The friend that introduced us.. Knows that the Narc would down load pics on to my computer.. You know how you take that doo dad out of the camera and put into the puter to and then it erases the pics after you down load them WELL she told me he is on FB downloading pics.. Pics that were of things we were at together.. (not my pic) but downloading them just the same BUT how? those pics were on MY computer and I had deleted them a while ago.. Unless they were never really deleted from his doo dad? SEE now every single thing makes me paranoid.. and yes I have changed all passwords on everything....

#12 Oct 24 - 4PM (Reply to #5)

jen79

chickon2

I dont know what a doo dad is, but I wouldnt be too much afraid, or were there any delicate pics? In case they were, Ns most of the time just freak out doing crazy stuff, when they are the controlling type, or when they feel rage. YOurs sounded more like the casanova type, most of these types control in more subtile ways, more emotional. Just breath, I know this event must have shocked you deeply, it will take some days for you to calm down. Be good to yourself the next days, they wont be easy. Jesus, this full moon!

#13 Oct 24 - 5PM (Reply to #6)

chickon2

Jen79 Delicate pics

awww you are cute.. NO WAY. Not bashing the peeps that are into that, but I am not. The pics are of my sister's wedding.. and our vacay, and day trips we did with my kids.. a love frame pic from my sister's wedding that he gave me and now he has posted the pic saying.. Love, it is what you strive to give and receive (eye roll) and a pic i took of him , for his bday blowing out his candles and it says thank you lord for another year of life..GAWD help us.. OK breathing.. and listening to you amiga thank you again

#14 Oct 24 - 6PM (Reply to #7)

jen79

chickon2

OMG, yours is just as mine, I swear, so pathetic! You think they are the most mindful, loving person, drama, drama, drama. Ughh... Take a bath, listen to music, cry, get it out, calm down, sleep much if you need to and if you can. Some days, and you are better, but look for a way to avoid this woman.

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